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Monica Bielanko
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Holiday Road.

Yesterday at work I thought maybe I was having a heart attack. My chest got all tight and there was pain. I kept going though, John Henry mofo that I am...I kept mortaring tiles up on the scuzzy bathroom wall. All the while I waited for the legendary tingling of the arm or the blurred vision. Didn't happen. I did stop once for a sec to do a Fred Sanford chest pound with my fist. Insult to injury, that was. Anyhow, my not-so-near death morning got me to thinking about Violet and how much it would suck to croak now, before we've had any Christmases together.

Back in December, when Monica would just puke in a plastic bag in the car as breezily as if she were enjoying a snack cake, I tried to buy unborn Violet a Santa Claus outfit. But my wife put her swollen foot down on that one. Up til then I'd been allowed to indulge myself whenever we had a couple bucks. I picked up some cool duds at Old Navy, last year's fashions I guess. Whatever. And then one Sunday afternoon we were at Crazy Wal-Mart, where children are free to open shit up and ride it like lightning down the aisles, when I spotted a bumble-bee outfit. Oh no they dih-int!, I said to myself.

I had to have it. It cost 9 dollars. And the way I look at the world is through hourly-paid eyes so it didn't take me long to configure that almost one whole hour of dusty hard labor in my life was now about to add up to a BeeGirl suit for a kid I don't even know yet. Still, I didn't flinch. And I was prepared to argue or even get physical for my wonderful find (yes yes, it's fine to throat-punch your wife here, sir!...that's why we call it CRAZY Wal-Mart, yo.) No need though, as Monica smiled/sighed and I was a proud poppa-to-bee. It is thirty-six sizes to big, of course, but I am feeding her extra baby formula on the sly to fatten her up. Shhh.

Where's this going? I'll tell ya. In between having little heart attacks and and giant panic attacks I have been slowly planning Violet's first Christmas. I have always loved that time of year, chaos and financial hardships aside. There is nostalgia in these nicotined bones; a nearly constant longing for a wintery night and a glowing window with me behind it; for that special "seasonal" red wine buzz and a coffee table heaving with sliced pepperoni and supermarket cheddar on a snowflake dish. And Emmett Otter or Elf on the tube. A tree so high it curls at the ceiling. And presents wrapped up in festive paper. A beer buzz. Ice cream. Antlers on the dogs. I love it, all of it. Need it to live. Need it to sparkle ever so faintly from months and months away like a jolly old eye winking at me from the North Pole. Keep-on-keepin'-on there, Serge. Suck it up and fling off them chest pains, son! There's another Christmas coming 267 days from now!

And now, thanks to Violet I am absolutely insane with Christmas fever. I cannot wait to share with her the Santa story and the baby Jesus story and the Grinch story and how to use a candycane as a pepperminty straw in soda. And, of course, I already got her her first gift. BeeSuit. And yeah, I know, as Monica has so reminded me: this year Violet will be 11 months at the holidays, still slobbering down her pretty little face. Probably won't know how to speak at all. But, whatever. She will love the thing that I love....that unmistakably enchanted time of year
when grown men and women who still believe in little wonders are able to put their stupid petty concerns aside for the sake of the children! And the man-children!

So, here's us practicing our tunes. Its never too early, people. Never ever.

Reader Comments (8)


I was walking around singing "have yourself a merry little christmas" with my niece the other day...maybe everyone feels a little festive lately. Especially with all this stupid snow. Sucks living in wyoming, or utah in your case.

Your kid is cute :)

April 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ok that vid made me nauseous, but def worth watching! I have been singing Hard Candy Christmas all day!

April 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Kids at Christmas. It's heaven. Even if you were a Christmas hater and a cynic, it would turn your cold heart to mush. You're going to LOVE it.

Just. Introduce them only to songs you want to sing/play five thousand times. Thank God I like the Phil Spector Christmas album. She asks for it in the summer. Mixes with every other song being "the song" works very well and it never hurts to teach them how to do Bruce's speaking parts in "Santa Claus is Comin' To Town".

April 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEDW

So sweet...Dominic told me to come watch this. It was so cute, man is she getting big and I love her smile.

This Chrismas will be fun but the next couple will be even better!

Christmas is awesome but I'm a big believer in the off holidays---equator day, earth day, orthodox easter. Every one of them says bee suit and beer buzz to me.

April 16, 2009 | Unregistered Commentereleni

That kid is adorable! You've both done good good there.

April 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

DonĀ“t joke about chest pain and tightness. Go see a cardiologist. Soon. Seriously.

April 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenternachtschwester

How do you use a candycane as a pepperminty straw in soda??

November 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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