Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
You can also find Monica's writing here:
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Chapter 8

The intense emotions we were experiencing with each other and our desire to share our innermost thoughts and feelings so early on in our relationship provided the proper sign posts that would lead Serge and I from the messes with our exes to a future without the soul-sucking drama we had been halfheartedly engaged in before meeting each other. Neither of us were in love with our exes, we ultimately realized. Our toxic relationships were bad habits - addictions - and we needed some serious rehab. But together? Or on our own?

August 30, 2004

Dear Monica,

Today, on the road between Dallas and Little Rock, I drove us in our van through the towns of FATE, HOPE, and FRIENDSHIP. The first was in Texas, the latter two here in Arkansas. It seemed funny to me to pass through places with names like that, especially since I find myself at a point in my life where FATE AND HOPE seem to be swelling up around me and inside me more than they have in a long, long time. As for FRIENDSHIP, well, that's just always important, isn't it?

So here I sit on the elevated roof deck by a swimming pool overlooking the highway passing by the William Jefferson Clinton Library - the sun is setting, very bright here, but setting - as I write you the first letter I will ever send your way. I have been thinking about you nearly continuously since you left me in Austin. And while it is true that it all DID seem like a dream... the invigorating and somewhat daunting reality is that it was all so very true. So real. We really did it. Over and over again in my mind I keep flashing through certain moments from the time we spent together. One minute I see your smile in the darkened back of your truck, your roughed up hair framing your face in the weak light of the hotel parking lot lamps. The next minute I hear you call my name as I walk away from the Austin hotel having missed you by the pool. I hear you call me and I turn and am stunned by this gorgeous woman coming up behind me, pursuing me.

Life is so damn perplexing sometimes. NO, a lot of the time. Yet somehow it rarely fails to offer up justice and reason when people believe in what they're doing, have faith in their hearts and minds. All of this sounds a bit corny, I'm certain, but I need to explain to you - repeatedly - how strangely I'm believing in all of this meeting you and spending time with you and kissing you and falling for you. There is no off switch in life. And even if there was I'm sure I would not touch it.

Remember that time we were waiting for a few Mexican bats to put on a show for us? I have thought about that evening so much lately. Monica, I can't tell you how often I have longed to share something - anything - be it silly or fun, whatever, just something that I could do with a girl who would genuinely like it. And me. That evening as you smiled and laughed with me as we sat in the Texas grass and the ants bit your smooth, sexy legs, that evening will forever be marked in my mind as the beginning of something really special to me in my life. where it will lead no one can say yet. Still, I have a feeling that for a long time to come a certain group of bats might hold a really high office in the chamber of our hearts!!!

Now the sun is slowly hopping down through the branches of a tree across the highway, like an old tired bird getting ready to roost for the night. I am tired and kind of hungry and wearing my 76ers shirt, smoking only my 2nd of the day. I'm writing terribly run-on, senseless sentences to you on this late summer evening and trying to tell/ask you to please be patient with me, as you have been already. Because I am so astounded by you...and I wish I was this letter, unwrapped by you today and held in your lovely hands. Inches from your wonderful face.


First photo of us ever taken:

Watching the Congress Avenue bats in Austin, Texas.

To be continued...

Reader Comments (4)

Aww you guys look so happy!

December 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelli

Letters are the magic ingredient in every great love story. Long may the art of letter-writing live.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShenoa

Hey, chapter 9's link takes me to chapter 10! what did I miss?!?!

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

Here is a link to #9. I had to hunt around and play with the URL a bit, but I found it!

April 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

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