Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
You can also find Monica's writing here:
Search The Girl Who
« My Transgender Cats | Main | Seconds of Today »
Monday
Jul012013

The 99%



Between the fireman boots that he wears everywhere, including bed, and the Spongebob baseball cap he insists on sporting, this kid is pretty much adorable 99% of the time. The other 1% is documented here where, according to some commenters, I should be questioned by child services for singing:

Vivian: "Think about if you were in a crappy mood and someone just got all up in your face singing the same thing over and over. Ugh, and you're trying to tell them to cut it out, but they just won't listen."

To clarify: You're in a crappy mood, someone is up in your face repeating the same thing over and over, you tell them to stop and they just won't listen.

Forget about the "poor, tormented" kid, doesn't that pretty much define the entirety of parenting?

Reader Comments (17)

Oh dear. People are shitheads.
Sometimes when the screaming fits start all you can do is smile, to keep yourself from screaming too.

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLauren Acquaviva

Read Glennon Melton's post on Momestary today!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMargie

I'm probably a candidate for child services too then, when my 4 year old loses it, I laugh at her. Horrible parenting right here :)

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

@Julie - I know. I can't wrap my head around how these parents deal with tantrums. "There, there, now, Braxton. Mommy would like you to stop screaming now, it's been almost an hour. Okay, sweetums? Hush now."

God forbid you try to inject a little humor into what is usually a soul-crushing scenario.

July 1, 2013 | Registered CommenterMonicaBielanko

As the parent of a 17 year old and a 21 year old I believe I can say I would have not made it this far in parenting without a strong sense of humor. Embrace it, Monica, and please keep writing about it!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKathy

I just went back & read the comments on the 'kill 'em with kindness' post & thought mandy accused you of exploiting your kids for BONG hits instead of BLOG hits! Which I totally would do.......Seriously though, some people just lack a sense of humor. We did the same thing to our boy when he was little. He tried throwing a down-on-the-floor fit at the store with his dad one day......dad stepped away from him & said, loudly, 'look at the screaming baby! just LOOK at him!' Tantrum ended immediately.

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTrish

Ha! Exactly. I have adopted the idea that you tell a kid ahead of time what is expected in terms of behaviors, along with the consequence, which should fit the crime as well as the personality/ temperament of that child. This way, there are no surprises when they deliberately defy you. All you need to do is follow through and your life will have less of that nagging song in their face. Start young. Nip it in the Uncle Bud.

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentergina

Did anyone actually tell you you should be investigated? I missed that if so. I saw 4 out 17 negative comments, one of which was very mild and came from your mother, who then came back and defended you. I may have miscounted. But you do have a tendency to over-state the criticism you get. I have often seen you complain about page after page of criticism, then when I actually go and look, there are a few negative and mostly positive comments.

I mention this because you, like me, are on a bit of a self-improvement and happiness-promoting mission. Perhaps you are referring to the hate boards (and as I say, that is actually how I found you... i liked you, and stayed, and haven't been back to the hate boards more than maybe once out of vague curiosity to see if somewhere else I go is still a target)

I was a little disturbed by the video myself, but because it wasn't immediately clear he had been tantrummimg for a while. It initially seemed like he was more or less OK and then you caused him to be upset. I think that is partly what people are reacting to. You might have wanted to make that clearer.

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Being a parent is the hardest job I've ever had. They push your buttons and drive you crazy. My kids are now 25 and 29 and no matter how much they got on my nerves, pissed me off, etc. I've never ever to this day said or wrote that they were assholes or acting like assholes as you wrote about your little boy in your post about his tantrum. I am sure you've heard the old saying "you reap what you sow".

I taught kindergarten for years and my number one rule was "be kind.". It's a simple rule we all should try following especially when we relate to our children. You did come across as bullies in the video. Just try to do better next time.

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

@Laura - The "questioned by child services" bit was the use of hyperbole to mock what I consider to be an overreaction to the video. Regardless of how many comments there were I was blown away that ANYONE would think singing a happy song where you love your child to counteract an ongoing tantrum is "disturbing" as you say or "torment" as a couple other folks said. I don't think I overstated the criticism. I mentioned "some" commenters (but thanks for counting!) and copied over a comment. For what it's worth, I have no problem with singing to my kid to annoy him even if he hadn't been in the middle of a tantrum.

@Melanie - He was being an asshole. Would I ever tell my young child he's an asshole? No. But when Henry's 20 and I show him that video I'll explain how he was being an asshole. I'm okay with reaping and sowing that. But to each his own, especially where parenting is concerned. Thanks for commenting!

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThe Girl Who...

I said you have a tendency to over-state criticism, not necessarily that you did in this case. I'm aware you said 'some'. Which is better than claiming there were many. But it's part of a pattern. As can be seen in your response above.

I did not say the video was disturbing; I said I was initially disturbed. I then said I went back and noticed more information, and realised the reality was different, and pointed out that others might not necessarily have done so, and might have understandably jumped to the same conclusion as I did.

My comment was not meant to get at you. You obviously think it was, and that's a shame. You may see both comments as out of place, and maybe they are. Perhaps you are feeling attacked on many sides. I will stop there for both reasons. But you do put a lot of yourself forward, and thus I thought you would be OK with some feedback.

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

@Laura - If you are disturbed by something are you not, in effect, saying it is disturbing? Anyway, I don't feel attacked, just responding to comments that strike an uncomfortable tone with me, which I plan to do more of on this site as I'd like folks to be accountable for the comments they leave. I have referred to page after page of criticism in the past and if we are discussing the same website then yes, there is page after page of criticism (seventy something pages, last time I checked) of mostly negative crap wherein I am called all sorts of horrible things and my every action analyzed to a ridiculous degree. I hardly "overplay" the criticism.

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThe Girl Who...

To clarify: You're in a crappy mood, someone is up in your face repeating the same thing over and over, you tell them to stop and they just won't listen.

Forget about the "poor, tormented" kid, doesn't that pretty much define the entirety of parenting?

To be clear, I didn't think the video was bad, but I don't think this argument is great in this case. You are the parent, you are the adult, the one who is capable of managing and expressing your emotions, you are capable of logic, etc. A small child isn't. You can't expect a kid to treat you the way you would treat other adults. I get that parenting a toddler is frustrating, but I don't think it's fair to expect a child to behave adult like and when they don't, to turn their behaviour back on them. Ok maybe sometimes, but this isn't a great rule of parenting imo.

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterluna

my oldest son used to wear his rain boots every single day. all day. what is it about boots? but it's just so darn cute. i still have them. henry's a cutie patootie.

as for the gettin' all up in your kid's face when he's in a bad mood thing? i've done that too. hey, we give it a try and hope that introducing some levity into the situation will bring about a happy result. sometimes it works...sometimes...not so much. hey - we're human. no big whoop. the kids aren't traumatized. we're not being awful parents. and yep - that pretty much describes the parenting experience!

July 17, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlinda

If you had introduced the video by saying he was actually in a tantrum (and had just been screaming), I think that would have headed off most negative comments about singing. The whole situation wasn't clear. He actually looked peaceful at beginning of the video. The whole thing is not the end of the world and it was funny, but it seemed weird to complain about his tantrum when it looked like you were causing it. I get now that that was not the case.

July 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLola

Hi Monica. I was only referring to this blog. I haven't been to any other site that mentions you in years. I had noticed you saying people criticised you a lot in the comments on this blog before, when in fact only a few did. Anyway what I meant to say was what Lola said above. Whatever, I don't mean to get at you. I had a baby a few days after that last comment so who knows what state I was in - take me with a grain of salt. Congratulations on your wonderful news too. I don't know if you are able to remember me/mycomments out of probably several Lauras but as I've said before I think you are doing a great job and I'm really pleased to see things are going so well for you. Take care.

July 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

"If you are disturbed by something are you not, in effect, saying it is disturbing?"

Well, no. Because my perception or understanding may have been off. Which is exactly what I said. I could be disturbed by a bowl of strawberries but that would make me the one with the issue.

As for being accountable, it isinaccurate for me to be grouped with your haters here.

July 28, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>