Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
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Friday
Jul172015

She Said: What Defines a Single Mom?


Reader Comments (5)

It seems to me that if you're single & a mom, you're a single mom, even if Serge is parenting 50% of the time. People just have to have something to argue about. The internet is a strange place. Go on with your bad single mom self. More divorced parents should do it like you & Serge are doing it. From here it looks like its working.

July 17, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTrish

I thought I was a single mom before my ex and I split. I think the finger pointers need to go home.

July 21, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLori

The infighting among moms, and specifically single moms is so dumb. Everyone seems to want to have it the hardest and yet be doing better than others at the same time. It's nuts. A single mom who calls herself a "choice mom" because she used a sperm donor called me a "circumstance mom." I packed up my toys and went home.

July 27, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBeck

Beck, that's hilarious. It's like those crazy woman who claim you're not a real mom if you had a C-section instead of a vaginal birth. We're all moms! No one needs to be the most legitimate mom.

September 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

Monica, I think that what the 'society', the majority of people as well as the government (to a large extend) understand by the concept of 'single mom' refers not to only to the 'singlehood' of the mother, that she is either unwed, divorced, never been married, etc., but also to the fact that she is a mother singlehandedly.
Single mothers are also considered different than divorcees. Single mothers, from what I understood, are defined as women who CHOSE to bring children into the world outside a serious relationship or marriage. They consequently raise the children without any input from the father (mostly referred to as 'babydaddy'), whether financial, emotional, physical (time spent with the children, etc.)

You were married and your children were born inside a family unit. Your ex-husband is very much part of the kids' lives, participating like you put it, 50-50. You mentioned you don't receive any financial support from him, or that's what I understood, perhaps it's the case of economic hardship for him. A dedicated father who spends time with his children would definitely chip in financially for their needs.

Therefore, you are not a single mother, but a divorced mother who shares custody with her ex-husband.

September 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

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