Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
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Wednesday
Sep052012

Scene From A Marriage

I turn up the radio as we're driving to the YMCA to pick up Violet. "I love this song." I tell Serge. "It was probably my faaaavorite song during junior high and high school."

Alphaville's Forever Young pours from the speakers and I am transported back to a time of best friend declarations with girlfriends, butterflies over boyfriends, slow dances and first kisses.

Serge seems to be listening intently and I am pleased that my obviously sensitive husband seems so interested in really hearing a song that meant so much to me for so many years.

As the song fills the car and infuses this moment with significance, I contemplate my husband's profile and speculate that he, a songwriter himself, is probably listening to the lyrics and perhaps even imagining his wife during her teenage years.

Such a thoughtful, deep guy, I think to myself, nearly reduced to tears over hearing a song I haven't heard for years, a song that meant so much then and is now being given new meaning as I share this special moment with my guy.

"This song makes me want to stab myself in the stomach." Serge announces.

"Dude! That's so mean. I just told you how much this song means to me."

"You did?"

Reader Comments (14)

Ahh, marriage. My husband likes to quote a study that showed men block out the specific frequency of their wife's voice. Which he uses as "biological proof" that he is not responsible when he doesn't hear what I say. At this point, the frequency of my voice goes up an octave - and he still doesn't hear!

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterpostmormongirl

My husband even replies to things I say to him (with "OK, yes, sure") while STILL not actually listening to what I said. So basically I live in a house filled with people (husband and two kids) who NEVER actually listen to what I say. I feel invisible about 70% of the time, and the other 30% I'm yelling at them.

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie

This is SO funny! You have to look at it with a sense of humor or you'll be stabbing YOURSELF in the stomach.

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarole

my boyfriend doesn't listen to me either! I wish I could tune him out sometimes too!!

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkacy

I can relate- I am a giant, grown-up Harry Potter fan- no kids (yet), just me reading my Potter in bliss.

After finally reading the entire series, my husband smugly reported to me that they were "ok for kid lit" and that Harry is "the worst protagonist of any series he has read."

Are there laws against shaking a husband?!?

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlerbet

i love that song!!!! come on serge!

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranother monica

My husband once spent ten minutes telling me how much he hated Van Halen and why, right after I told him they were my favorite band in high school. And he doesn't hear half of what I say when he's driving or looking at anything else, so we have a lot of arguments in the car over why he's so confused about what I just said, because he thinks I don't communicate well and I know it's just because he can't drive and listen at the same time. So frustrating! But since the Van Halen incident he does try to be less critical of things other people like (to their face anyway). Usually.

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth B

same problem here. i have loved U2 my whole life and my husband thinks they suck. for the record, i love 'forever young', too. it makes me yearn :)...which is probably why i also love U2.

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergillian

When Your Heart Is Weak by Cock Robin just had that effect on me the other day!

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKristin

Man oh man does this song bring me back to tight rolled jeans & frosty pink lipstick. Now if only that boy would ask me to slow dance. Thanks for the giggle.

September 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDanielle

AH yes! I DO remember that you LOVED this song and when I hear it I always think of you!! I can even see you with those pegged pants.....Miss those days.

September 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermama

Forever Young was my HS class song. I vividly remember dancing to it at our prom, and it still takes me back, and makes me a little misty.

September 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

You just explained the difference between men and women in one, quick essay. Funny! And, so accurate!

September 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarb

Your childhood is basically a long scene from Napoleon Dynamite :)

September 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSR

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