Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
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Friday
Aug222008

No Fear

I've been avoiding this blog. Have not logged onto my website in over a month. Oh, I've been around. Reading other blogs. Blogs that speak to the world at large. And it made me uncomfortable. Uncomfortable for the writers, uncomfortable about the details being shared. Can you imagine? Sharing details made me uncomfortable.

I am changing. I don't want to share my life anymore. It feels too sacred. It belongs to me. And my husband. I like my privacy. Serge dropped his cell phone in the river a few weeks ago while fishing. Because he uses his phone on a regular basis for work, I let him take my phone and put his chip inside, effectively turning it into his phone. Dial my number and it goes nowhere. And I LOVE IT! I LOVE NOT HAVING A CELL PHONE. I miss the good old days of having a home phone and if I ain't home, I don't get the call. I don't need to be reached every second. Don't want to be reached every second. I like the fact that nobody knows what I'm up to.

Morning sickness finally ended about two weeks ago. And God said let there be light and it was glorious! I don't mind saying that the past two months were easily the worst of my life. So sick. So, so, so sick. The morning sickness subsided but God wasn't finished with me yet. Coughing spasms took over my life. I was coughing so much Serge, concerned I had pneumonia, took me to an Instacare. Turns out I was okay. Was just a really bad cough that lasted for, oh, about three weeks.

I feel great now. 18 weeks today. The big ultrasound is in two weeks. We could find out the most exciting news of our lives if we want... BOY or GIRL? I don't really want to know but I like to let the fact that we could find out if we wanted roll around in my mind. So exciting! I heard the heartbeat a few weeks ago. WOOSH-WOOSH-WOOSH-WOOSH... Poor Serge was at work, so mad he missed the appointment. The fact that I'm going to be a mother is starting to burrow inside of my soul now. But it engenders only excitement. No fear.