Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
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Saturday
Aug232008

Kick Me

It's just after midnight. Your dad is sleeping. Am laying here wishing you would kick me. Sometimes, when I let my brain wrap around the fact that there is a human being, another body, inside of my body, I trip out. A human being that will one day walk around, drive cars, get a job, fall in love, get married... Right now that human being is inside of me! Kick me, dammit! It's the time you seem most real to me.

Today your dad went fishing. It got dark and he wasn't home yet so I began to cry. I was sure he was dead. Silly, I know. Likely all the pregnancy hormones surging through my body. Yeah, that's right, it's your fault! But with my phone broke I couldn't call my fella. A few minutes later he nonchalantly rolled in with pizza and a movie. There I am sobbing desperately and he had no clue anything was wrong. Although he felt bad I could tell he was slightly pleased that I was so upset over his well-being. I love him. He is my life, my best friend. And we can't wait to meet you. Nearly halfway there now...