Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
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Sunday
Jun292008

I Think I Love You...

Just read this on this cool cat's blog. Love her. Want to have a sleep over and brush her hair and paint her toenails and pillow fight and giggle about my Mormon upbringing and stuff. Like, so fun!

MORMONS! I am reading Under The Banner Of Heaven by Jon Krakauer, and incidentally why does he title all his books with prepositional phrases? Into The Wild. Into Thin Air. Behind The Stove. Under My Ball Sac. By Jon Krakauer. Anyway, everyone has already read this book so you are probably over it (Over It, by Jon Krakauer), but I am finding something new and jaw-droppingly weird on every other page. I am not even talking about the murder bits, just about Mormons in general. By way of disclaimer, I will say that the Bible and the Koran are pretty damn weird as well. But at least the Old Testament god was nice and clear! At least he gave understandable instructions like, "Kill your son in the morning and prove your loyalty" or "build me a big boat." In contrast, this Moroni angel is a scavenger-hunt-loving pain in the ass, telling Joseph Smith to dig up a golden book but PSYCH you can't have it, wait until next year. And then use this special magic rock and magic spectacles to translate! Oh man SO WEIRD. And that is before we even get to the polygamy. Of course there are Mormons and then there are Mormons. The FLDS and not the LDS are the ones who really picked up the polygamy football and ran with it, and it pisses me off that their little inbred towns like Colorado City get all kinds of federal money for their "school" systems and infrastructure and that the ACLU spends time and cash defending their religious right to forcibly marry and rape and impregnate 14-year-old girls. It is their RELIGION, you see. Well it's my religion to kick you in the crotch repeatedly, is that okay? Despite my anger at those kinds of issues, I really do find the magic rocks, sacred underpants, and practical-joking angels hysterical, and I read about Mormons in bed at night and laugh and laugh. And then I have the Wow They're Serious moment. They're really serious! Wow. ---mimi smartypants: first-time caller, long-time blasphemer.