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Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
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Sunday
Apr152007

Feminine Flirtation

I found myself flirting the other day. That's right. Serge is out of town, braving The Storm Of The Decade in NYC while recording his next record and I was flirting! Mind you, it was with a woman. And I didn't realize I was flirting at the time the flirtation occurred. Yet when our conversation was finished I walked away feeling a little buzzed.

What a kindred spirt I thought, all girly gigglish Anne of Green Gables style. Sheeeot, (shit with a drawl for the phonetically impaired) now that I think of it, I'll bet ol' Anne and her 'bosom buddy' Diana Berry engaged in a bit of the hanky and the panky at one time or another. Now that I really put some thought into it... I think I just might be onto something. Uncovering lesbianism in literature. Bosom buddy.. Please. LESBIANS! ANYway, hours after my aforementioned 'flirtation' I found myself remembering certain parts of our conversation and chuckling. And then it hit me. We were flirting!

No, not in the traditional way potential lovers do. We weren't trading witticisms with the intention of possibly making out later, but we were certainly bantering and digging on each other. Each of us impressing the other and smiling at our similarities... little electric jolts of I really dig you zapping between us. No, you girl-on-girl freaks, not I-really-dig-you-and-want-to eat-your-pussy-later. It was just a nice, innocent, I really dig you vibe. But! I'll grant you - it was a kind of human sniffing and circling that is similar to what men and women do prior to starting a romantic relationship

I find myself platonically flirting with women all the time. It's fulfilling in ways I don't think I can articulate. I grew up afraid of girls. They talked behind my back in junior high and wrote BITCH on my locker in high school for reasons that remain unknown (to me. perhaps you're all "I TOTALLY would have wrote bitch on her locker. That bitch.") And even now, large quantities of the female species still confound me on a daily basis. Confound is a nice way of saying that I think a lot of chicks suck. And give the rest of us a bad name. Which means that when I connect with a woman now, really connect, I experience very nearly the very same emotions I used to feel when meeting a new guy that I was attracted to. The older I get, the more I appreciate women and find myself drawn to them.

Although there is no sexual undercurrent to the female flirting I engage in, I am fairly certain that were I still a single woman I may very well be an equal opportunity dater. Male and female. In fact, now that I'm older and really know myself, am not afraid of labels and facing the Mormon devil in hell - Well... I think I just might classify myself as bisexual. But I'll never know because the rock'n'roll fucker is it for me. And I'm cool with that.