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Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
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Tuesday
Nov182014

Don't Know How To Live Without Him

Serge and I had the privilege of holding our Maxie boy in our arms this morning as he left this life. Sinatra played softly and the morning sun streamed through the window almost illuminating his body as he took his last breath. 11 years. Don't know how to live without him.

Reader Comments (23)

I am so very sorry.

November 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMonica

I'm so sorry, the grief is debilitating, the pain overwhelming.
I had to say goodbye to my boy two years ago and I still get that lump swelling in my throat every time I glimpse a photo of him or a memory flashes through my mind.
Just writing this has brought tears to my eyes.
Cry cry cry as much as you need to.

November 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

So so sorry. Saying goodbye is heartbreaking. My boy is 10 and I know it will come, and I can't breathe even thinking about it.
Run free Max.

November 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterM

Just think... all those days with that wonderful dog. It will be hard without him, but dang- that Max had a great, long life. What a sweet dog. I hope you get through this without being too badly battered in your soul.

November 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

I am so sorry for your loss. We love them so much that, even if they were assholes, their loss would be devastating. That they are always never anything but loving and dear makes losing them very nearly unendurable. But Max would want you to endure and everyone else does, too.

November 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKatherine

I'm so very sorry about your loss.

November 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

I am so sorry. Pups are just the purest souls around, and we are blessed to be loved by them so thoroughly.

November 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMona

The hugest of hugs xxxx

November 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLorraine

So very very sorry. We just lost our 16 yo golden and while it was horrifically sad we are now - a month out - laughing our asses off at remembering all his funny quirks and adorable personality. It WILL get easier, I promise you and the happy memories will surface faster. Hang in, Mama.

November 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBren

I'm so sorry.

November 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterElena

I'm so sorry- losing a pet is awful!

November 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKim Q

I'm sorry!!!

November 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSara

So sorry to hear this. Sending virtual hugs...

November 19, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterchristine from canada

Thinking of you during this sad time. I'm sorry for your loss.

November 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBonnie

my condolences...

November 19, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterfahrenheit

It's so hard. Hang in there. You gave him a beautiful joy-filled life and I believe will see him on the other end of it all.

November 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterE.

I am so sorry... this breaks my heart.

November 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJill

I remember one of your posts about Max from when you lived in Brooklyn. You and Max were laying in bed together one morning and you were so comforted by him. You described the way his paws smelled and how he made the apartment a home. There was one line that you wrote about him that has stuck with me and comes to mind when I think of how my own boy has been with me through many phases of life: Always Max

November 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGuest

My big guy also left us after 13 wonderful years. He was my companion through my drunken late-20s, to professional success, to romantic success, to babies. It's been a year and a half and I still think about him most days. There is no more loyal companion than the dog who sees you through all that. My heart aches for you. Much love. He was so lucky to have you.

November 19, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDeb

So sorry the day has now come, very glad it was peaceful and that you were there with him at the end. It will always hurt a little bit, but time does help eventually xx

November 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline

losing a pet is just awful. Awful. Thinking of you.

November 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCourtney

Surrounded by the arms of love and familiar music. My deepest sympathy to you, Monica and family. :(

November 22, 2014 | Unregistered Commentergina

best poem ever... sorry for your loss.


So this is where we part, My Friend,
and you'll run on, around the bend,
gone from sight, but not from mind,
new pleasures there you'll surely find.
I will go on, I'll find the strength,
life measures quality, not its length.
One long embrace before you leave,
share one last look, before I grieve.

There are others, that much is true,
but they be they, and they aren't you.
And I, fair, impartial, or so I thought,
will remember well all you've taught.

Your place I'll hold, you will be missed,
the fur I stroked, the nose I kissed.
And as you journey to your final rest,
take with you this...I loved you best.

Copyright © Jim Willis 2002, all rights reserved

November 22, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkris (lowercase)

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