Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
You can also find Monica's writing here:
Search The Girl Who
« And Then We Met | Main | I Don't Want To Be The Me You See »
Monday
Oct272014

Becoming Strangers

I’m told my divorce will be final mid-January. I accept the news with equanimity that belies the truth: this knowledge rocks me to my core.

I don’t know what to do with still another influx of chaotic emotion so I mentally scrunch it up like a trash-bound piece of paper, smaller and smaller, until I can just throw it away. It’s how I’m handling most things these days and whether that’s the healthiest approach is certainly debatable — but I don’t care. For months now I’ve listened to my music so loudly it rattles my soul and I expect to pull away bloody earbuds. I’ve gone on epic bike rides and kept pain at bay by pushing myself physically. Whatever gets me through, man. Whatever gets me through. Balling up emotions, deafening music and beer. Lots of beer. Oh, shut up. Let me medicate myself without your judgment. Like I told a friend the other day; I’m probably due for some sort of awesome public meltdown. For now, all this is working.

To read the whole thing click on over to Babble.