How I Became a Justin Bieber Fan... Kind Of

_{Gramps and Violet go for a walk. She insists on calling him Craig or Your Dad. "Would Your Dad like to go for a walk with us?"}

My dad's in town so I've been consumed with making him fix stuff in my house being a good hostess and keeping him entertained. Unfortunately, entertaining my dad does not include me sitting on my big ass looking at my computer monitor. I wish it did, believe me. Until I can return to sitting on my can and looking at my monitor please to enjoy my latest MamaPop stuff as a kind of offering...

World Reaction To Justin Bieber's Anne Frank Comment Says More About Us Than Him: Wherein I kind of become a Justin Bieber fan and the shit goes viral. Go figure.

Jada Pinkett-Smith's Grown Ass Marriage: Finally! I have something in common with Hollywood royalty. When's the key party?

The Butthole Bandit Rides Again

Serge: The neighbor's kids are so polite.

Me: Yeah, they're good kids.

Serge: Really! Whenever we see them they are unflailingly polite.

Monica: Unflailingly? Like, because they don't flail around and stuff while being polite?

Serge: Have you ever seen them flail while being polite?

Monica: Can't say as I have.

Serge: I rest my case.

*****

Monica: (From the shower) Can you hand me a towel?

Serge: Here.

Monica: Not that one.

Serge: What's wrong with this one.

Monica: I saw you using it yesterday.

Serge: What? You can't use a towel I've used? It's dry.

Monica: Dude. How do I know the part you used to dry your butthole isn't the part I end up using to dry my face? Chances are pretty high!

Serge: Why are chances high? Do I have a big butthole or something?

Monica: No. I don't know! Just, well, you're drying your butthole and your other dangly things and that probably uses up more than half the towel. Chances are high that I use that spot to dry my face, is all I'm saying.

Serge: Oh. Well. My butthole has been all over that shower... So...

Monica: Why is your butthole all over the shower?

Serge: I'm just saying. You'd be surprised. My butthole has been lots of places you probably don't want to know about.

Monica: ???

Serge: Hey! Where are you going?

Monica: To get a towel from the closet. Don't talk to me for two hours!

*****

Monica: (Shouting to his office just now) I wrote a post about your butthole! What's a better title? The Butthole Bandit or The Butthole Bandit Rides Again?

Serge (No hesitation) Rides Again.

Desperate For The Warm Stuff

We enjoyed a few days this week when we broke out the sandals and even a light sweater felt too warm but we're back to coat weather around these parts. Couple cold temps with a full week of Henry being sick and we are verging on desperation for more sunshine. Come on, Spring! Quit being such a tease and just put out already!

Odds & Ends

"And these kids of mine, of ours, they are our life's work and in a lot of ways they are traveling due East or due West from us even as we stand there, running our fingers through their freshly shampooed hair. Moving ever so slightly toward the front door even as we stand there clenching a pair of outgrown Garanimal shorts on a frozen cloud hanging above our world."

The Huffington Post wanted to republish Serge's blog post: The Pilot On His Frozen Cloud. If you didn't catch it on Thunder Pie you should totally check it out.

Over on MamaPop from yours truly: I want my MTV. I will never get over the network's epic betrayal of my generation. Oh. And some kid from an MTV reality show died.

Speaking of the music of my day, this video of Jonathan Knight walking off stage during a New Kids On The Block concert is so painful to watch for so many reasons. Allow me to explain...

Seconds of Today

Technically, this is seconds of last month. But it's worth posting, I think. Because we can play Spot The Dog Puke! Like Where's Waldo but with vomit! Don't worry. It's not all that gross. I wouldn't subject you to that kind of overshare. I prefer overshares about my marriage and sex life. So no worries! It's so quick you might not even spot it. I spotted it right away, of course. But I'm a well-trained, expert dog puke spotter in spite of Max's penchant for craftily hiding his business - or perhaps because of it. Serge, who is behind the camera, totally missed it. But see, now I've probably ruined the video for you. You'll be so busy looking for dog puke (even though you don't really want to see it) that you'll miss the little pirate. My advice: enjoy the pirate, don't look for the puke... Which actually kind of applies to marriage as well...