Thursday
May022013
Standoff in Green Acres (Sponsored Post)
***Winners announced here.
This post is sponsored by Child Safety Sign 360 - Degrees. A 360 degree sign you can buy and install yourself warning drivers to slow down and watch for children.
The sun was performing a spectacular finale slipping below the horizon, birds were chirping, my kids were playing on our front porch and I was watering our flowers. Another beautiful summer evening was descending upon the Pennsylvania countryside.
An Amish buggy clip-clopped slowly past and then the unmistakable sound of a muffler-less car assaulted my ears. But this time I was ready. The same jerk had roared down our road at the same time for two evenings in a row. This time, I stepped to the front edge of my porch which is maybe two feet from the street, put my finger on the trigger of the nozzle, widened my stance and nervously waited. Was I really going to do this? Yeah, I was really going to do this.
The annoying buzz of the exhaust came closer, I could hear it cresting the slight hill leading up and past our house and then the electric blue car zoomed into sight. I waited until he hit the corner of our property and then I gripped the trigger, igniting the jet setting on our brand new nozzle. I couldn't have timed it better. A firehose of water hit the front left side of the car and, as the car rocketed past, I had a split-second to notice the driver's window was open! That was something I hadn't counted on, intending only to spray the car as a warning to slow down.
Almost at the exact moment I noticed the driver's window was down the screech of brakes filled the quiet evening. The electric blue Camaro came to a stop about ten yards past my house.
*****
The one drawback to living in a village established more than 150 years ago is that the houses were built pretty much right on the road. Which really isn't a drawback but for one reason; little kids and cars don't mix. Generally though, I prefer to have a smaller front yard which makes for a larger backyard where we spend most of our time playing. And, with the house right on the street it makes for more socialization with neighbors if they happen to pass while we're on our porch. After all, that's what porch sittin' is all about. Well, that and cold beverages.
The speed limit in our village is 35, which is higher than the usual 25 for residential zones but, well, that's the country way. And it's usually not a big problem as traffic isn't very heavy... Except for in the mornings and afternoons during the school year when buses and parents are dropping kids off and picking them up from the elementary school behind our house. But then, parents and bus drivers tend to mind the speed limit.
It's when the bed & breakfast down the street starts serving up its famous dinners each evening that folks from miles around head to our village for socialization, a bite to eat and a cold one or three. Again, most of these drivers are respectful but, as with any neighborhood there are always those hot roddin' hooligans - god, I sound eighty - that rev their engines and roar down the street and, if I happen to be on my porch I sizzle with anger. I can't wait until I really am eighty because, man, would I love to wave a cane or even a walker in self-righteous indignation.
Which brings us back to the beginning of this story; the time I squared off with a hot roddin' youngster. The car was stopped in the middle of the road where he had screeched to a halt after being pelted by cold hose water. I stood defiantly (nervously) on my porch, gripping the hose like a weapon, staring hard at the side mirror from which I figured he was sizing me up but couldn't quite see for sure because of the low slant of the evening sun cutting into my eyes.
He sat there gunning his engine. I stared hard, fingers on the trigger of the hose nozzle. After what felt like an hour but was probably only ten seconds, he hit the gas and took off. I had won our little standoff and hopefully taught him a lesson too. Slow down, jerkoff or I will hunt you down and waterboard you with my hose.
This is exactly why I was intrigued by Child Safety Sign 360 - Degrees. Because yeah, we have all those Watch Children signs in our neighborhood, but they just blend into the rest of the signage at the side of the road. Speed limit signs, deer crossing signs, it's all stuff the Department of Transportation puts up. But these Safety Signs are signs you can buy on their site or you can pick one up at The Home Depot for $18, put around your mailbox or any other pole and remind people that hey! It's not about speeding because there isn't a cop around and you can get away with it... We live here and we don't like you speeding either. It's also nice because then I don't have to stand on my porch with my hose at the ready. Because I will get you, do not doubt a mama bear.
This morning just before the usual heavy traffic going to and from the elementary school Henry, Violet and I decided to set out our Safety Sign and see if we noticed a difference. First, at Violet's instruction, we planned to stand on the porch and show our new sign to passersby. Except we needed some passersby. So we commenced to waitin' around for someone to pass.
We waited...
And waited...
And waited some more.
Mama! A bus!
"Good morning!" He says. "Slow down please."
"Ma'am. I'm gonna need you to take it down a notch. Thatsa girl. Thank you! Have a nice day."
Henry has this whole thing under control. I might as well go in and watch Live With Kelly and Michael. But I guess we'll go attach the sign to our mailbox and let it do it's thing.
Watch for children, yes. But they're also watching you.
After I dropped off the kids at pre-school, for kicks, I sat on the porch for fifteen minutes or so and I'll tell you what; drivers see the sign and brake. I think there's something about seeing a sign like that on someone's property and not some government installed thing that blends into the scenery that makes people slow down. It hits home a little harder and reminds you of what could happen if you're reckless.
And I mean, seriously. Which would you rather see? This adorableness or an angry, make-upless, beslippered, country hausfrau lumbering your way with a hose pointed at your open window?
P.S. Henry would like you to know he is available to help direct traffic in your neighborhood but it's going to cost you... He's totally worth every lollipop, though.
Have you ever had to deal with people speeding through your neighborhood? What did you do? Take action somehow or just seethe with anger? Let me know and you're entered to win a sign from Child Safety Sign - 360 Degrees. I'll pick three winners Friday!
This post is sponsored by Child Safety Sign 360 - Degrees. A 360 degree sign you can buy and install yourself warning drivers to slow down and watch for children.
The sun was performing a spectacular finale slipping below the horizon, birds were chirping, my kids were playing on our front porch and I was watering our flowers. Another beautiful summer evening was descending upon the Pennsylvania countryside.
An Amish buggy clip-clopped slowly past and then the unmistakable sound of a muffler-less car assaulted my ears. But this time I was ready. The same jerk had roared down our road at the same time for two evenings in a row. This time, I stepped to the front edge of my porch which is maybe two feet from the street, put my finger on the trigger of the nozzle, widened my stance and nervously waited. Was I really going to do this? Yeah, I was really going to do this.
The annoying buzz of the exhaust came closer, I could hear it cresting the slight hill leading up and past our house and then the electric blue car zoomed into sight. I waited until he hit the corner of our property and then I gripped the trigger, igniting the jet setting on our brand new nozzle. I couldn't have timed it better. A firehose of water hit the front left side of the car and, as the car rocketed past, I had a split-second to notice the driver's window was open! That was something I hadn't counted on, intending only to spray the car as a warning to slow down.
Almost at the exact moment I noticed the driver's window was down the screech of brakes filled the quiet evening. The electric blue Camaro came to a stop about ten yards past my house.
*****
The one drawback to living in a village established more than 150 years ago is that the houses were built pretty much right on the road. Which really isn't a drawback but for one reason; little kids and cars don't mix. Generally though, I prefer to have a smaller front yard which makes for a larger backyard where we spend most of our time playing. And, with the house right on the street it makes for more socialization with neighbors if they happen to pass while we're on our porch. After all, that's what porch sittin' is all about. Well, that and cold beverages.
The speed limit in our village is 35, which is higher than the usual 25 for residential zones but, well, that's the country way. And it's usually not a big problem as traffic isn't very heavy... Except for in the mornings and afternoons during the school year when buses and parents are dropping kids off and picking them up from the elementary school behind our house. But then, parents and bus drivers tend to mind the speed limit.
It's when the bed & breakfast down the street starts serving up its famous dinners each evening that folks from miles around head to our village for socialization, a bite to eat and a cold one or three. Again, most of these drivers are respectful but, as with any neighborhood there are always those hot roddin' hooligans - god, I sound eighty - that rev their engines and roar down the street and, if I happen to be on my porch I sizzle with anger. I can't wait until I really am eighty because, man, would I love to wave a cane or even a walker in self-righteous indignation.
Which brings us back to the beginning of this story; the time I squared off with a hot roddin' youngster. The car was stopped in the middle of the road where he had screeched to a halt after being pelted by cold hose water. I stood defiantly (nervously) on my porch, gripping the hose like a weapon, staring hard at the side mirror from which I figured he was sizing me up but couldn't quite see for sure because of the low slant of the evening sun cutting into my eyes.
He sat there gunning his engine. I stared hard, fingers on the trigger of the hose nozzle. After what felt like an hour but was probably only ten seconds, he hit the gas and took off. I had won our little standoff and hopefully taught him a lesson too. Slow down, jerkoff or I will hunt you down and waterboard you with my hose.
This is exactly why I was intrigued by Child Safety Sign 360 - Degrees. Because yeah, we have all those Watch Children signs in our neighborhood, but they just blend into the rest of the signage at the side of the road. Speed limit signs, deer crossing signs, it's all stuff the Department of Transportation puts up. But these Safety Signs are signs you can buy on their site or you can pick one up at The Home Depot for $18, put around your mailbox or any other pole and remind people that hey! It's not about speeding because there isn't a cop around and you can get away with it... We live here and we don't like you speeding either. It's also nice because then I don't have to stand on my porch with my hose at the ready. Because I will get you, do not doubt a mama bear.
This morning just before the usual heavy traffic going to and from the elementary school Henry, Violet and I decided to set out our Safety Sign and see if we noticed a difference. First, at Violet's instruction, we planned to stand on the porch and show our new sign to passersby. Except we needed some passersby. So we commenced to waitin' around for someone to pass.
We waited...
And waited...
And waited some more.
Mama! A bus!
"Good morning!" He says. "Slow down please."
"Ma'am. I'm gonna need you to take it down a notch. Thatsa girl. Thank you! Have a nice day."
Henry has this whole thing under control. I might as well go in and watch Live With Kelly and Michael. But I guess we'll go attach the sign to our mailbox and let it do it's thing.
Watch for children, yes. But they're also watching you.
After I dropped off the kids at pre-school, for kicks, I sat on the porch for fifteen minutes or so and I'll tell you what; drivers see the sign and brake. I think there's something about seeing a sign like that on someone's property and not some government installed thing that blends into the scenery that makes people slow down. It hits home a little harder and reminds you of what could happen if you're reckless.
And I mean, seriously. Which would you rather see? This adorableness or an angry, make-upless, beslippered, country hausfrau lumbering your way with a hose pointed at your open window?
P.S. Henry would like you to know he is available to help direct traffic in your neighborhood but it's going to cost you... He's totally worth every lollipop, though.
Have you ever had to deal with people speeding through your neighborhood? What did you do? Take action somehow or just seethe with anger? Let me know and you're entered to win a sign from Child Safety Sign - 360 Degrees. I'll pick three winners Friday!
Mama's Gotta Pay The Bills
