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Tuesday
Jan292013

Chicks Be Crazy, Yo

In the end her frugality won over her rage and she prepared to slink downstairs and tupperware the uneaten dinner she had spent hours making. Two days, technically, as she had sliced and diced tomato and onion for the salsa the day before in an uncharacteristic bout of dinner preparation. Very uncharacteristic.

The fight had been quick and intense. A flash fire. Burning hotly and brightly and then POOF. Done. It was, as almost all of them are, about something inconsequential but at the time it had seemed, to her at least, to represent everything that was wrong with their relationship. She said he doesn't listen and, as she explained in angry tones exactly how he doesn't listen, she felt like he wasn't listening. Not listening to her explanation about how he never listens. And when she tried to explain how ironic it was that here he was not listening to her explain how upset she was that he wasn't listening he looked confused and seemed not even to be listening to that.

Dinner was nearly ready, all she needed to do was sear the shrimp she had just peeled and de-veined in the waiting skillet already glistening with Olive Oil but she was so upset she stormed upstairs and closed the door to her bedroom quietly behind her.

Although she had looked forward to an evening spent with him stuffing themselves with shrimp tacos, she was done. And she knew, she just knew that after her dramatic exit he would ignore the food sitting in the kitchen. Neither cooking it to completion nor putting it away. Oh how badly she wanted to just let it sit there rotting overnight for him to find in the morning when he stumbled tiredly downstairs to make coffee. Then he would know how upset she truly was for she had allowed the dinner - perfectly nice food - to sit out all night long wasting everything.

She listened as he removed his contacts and brushed his teeth and wondered if he had the same inner monologue as she. Was this a battle of wills? Of course it was. She just knew that he knew she would slink down into the kitchen after he went to bed to put away the food she had abandoned and that made her burn with anger.

And yet the thought of the uncooked shrimp awaiting the skillet just sitting there on the kitchen counter as evening gave way to dawn gnawed at her even more. But still. She knew that come morning he would descend the staircase into the kitchen and in the cold, gray dawn would triumphantly note that in the end it was she who had capitulated and cleaned up the uneaten dinner, carefully placing the food in tupperware now in the fridge. He would think putting away the food was a sign of weakness - or worse - an acknowledgment of being wrong. Or was that all in her insane head? Did he think nothing of the food she had taken more than an hour to prepare and had abruptly left sitting out? Were his evening ablutions as carefree as any other night of the week? Oh, how angry that made her. Angrier even then the thing they were arguing about earlier. What was that thing? Oh! Right! He never listens! But that wasn't what started the original argument? What had started the original argument?

Dammit! She couldn't remember now. But it must've been important. Otherwise why would she be sitting here all angry?

Oh, how she stewed as the minutes ticked by, heart pounding angrily, battling herself. She would show him. She would just go right to sleep and let the food spoil. But wait. Shrimp is expensive. And that dinner could serve as leftovers for days if she tupperwared it into the refrigerator.

In the end her frugality won out over her rage and she slunk downstairs to tupperware the dinner she spent hours making...and found that he had carefully cleaned up, put away all the uneaten food and started the dishwasher.

Reader Comments (16)

I want to say something witty or profound or something wonderful, but I can't. I just want to say thanks and I get it, I really, really get it. You open the portal of your life to us...thanks for the raw honesty. This is real marriage, the good the bad and the crazy.

January 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJen

First off, I found your site a few months back and I absolutely adore it. Seriously, the two of you portray every aspect of a real rellationship. The beautiful, the ugly...the everything that happens in between. It's pretty awesome to read someone who is able to be so open and honest. Girl...keep doing your thing. You are wonderful. All I can say for now is that I've been there...the dinner debacle, the fight over who knows what, the residual anger...but tomorrow it's better. Somehow you will resolve it...enjoy that. My husband is gone for the next 17 weeks at officers school. I'm doing the whole single parenting thing for a 5 and a 3 year old for the first time since my daughter was born. Enjoy that even though you have an issue, you have each others back when the going gets tough. But I'm pretty sure you two already knew that. Maybe I'm just missing someone to argue with and mess up my dinner!!!

January 29, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

Scott and I go through this several times a week and I am at the point where I realize that my point is valid. I am NOT yelling I tell him....I expressing my feelings. I am not raising my voice in anger...I am emphasizing certain words. I can't help if my tone registers louder than the other words in the sentence, he should be considering the CONTENT...so he tells me that I 'talk over him' when in fact, Monica, I have not finished what I am saying, i take a breath and he thinks it's his time to talk...but I was not DONE. So then he walks out. Leaves after a few nasty words. It just grates my asterix...Just know that you are not alone. And in the morning, when the anger eases up or whenever it does, it's just strange how you can ever feel like saying "i'm sorry", but what a relief. Usually he will say it right after I do and for some reason...after I get over the hurt we seem closer for having weathered the storm...but at the moment, gurrrrrl, I am sorry I EVER LAID EYES on him. Then I love him again. ( as long as I am healed up). You are not alone.

January 30, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNelly

Scott and I go through this several times a week and I am at the point where I realize that my point is valid. I am NOT yelling I tell him....I am expressing my feelings. I am not raising my voice in anger...I am emphasizing certain words. I can't help if my tone registers louder than the other words in the sentence, he should be considering the CONTENT...so he tells me that I 'talk over him' when in fact, Monica, I have not finished what I am saying, i take a breath and he thinks it's his time to talk...but I was not DONE. So then he walks out. Leaves after a few nasty words. It just grates my asterix...Just know that you are not alone. And in the morning, when the anger eases up or whenever it does, it's just strange how you can ever feel like saying "i'm sorry", but what a relief. Usually he will say it right after I do and for some reason...after I get over the hurt we seem closer for having weathered the storm...but at the moment, gurrrrrl, I am sorry I EVER LAID EYES on him. Then I love him again. ( as long as I am healed up). You are not alone. I seriously think it's a Phili thing. Bad driving manners as well. And the foul mouth...sheesh. Enough already.

January 30, 2013 | Unregistered Commentergina

So. Not to pry. Or anything.
But did this unfortunate... incident... take place on or near last Sunday, by any chance? Or Saturday night, maybe? Because, if it did, then you have GOT to know that some of it... not all of it, or even most of it, but DEFINTELY some of it... was the moon.

The US Navy (and believe me, they know...) said full moon was 4:38am Universal Time on Sunday. If you guys are on Eastern Standard Time, subtract 4 hours from that. And in the six or so days leading up to any full moon, watch out... because there is always just a little bit more... gasoline in the air, just waiting for a little bit of friction to occur. Here's this year's chart.

http://aa.usno.navy.mil/cgi-bin/aa_moonphases.pl?year=2013

January 30, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPaul Murff

Just wait till the kids start chiming in and taking sides - that's when the fun really begins! :) It sounds like you have a really great guy, and most likely found your soulmate. But even still, marriage is hard work. Try not to go to bed angry. It may sound cliche, but it's true. Marinating in resentment is never a good thing because there's a residual that does accrue, and in time, so will walls between you.

January 30, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjulep

thank you! Thank you for your writings and for being honest! Good to know I am not the only one who has long arguments in my head. Also - a husband that doesn't truly listen all the time. Now, I just say, "Husband, what I am about to say will require a response on your part. Ready?" Or as a crazy person would - I hold up both parts of conversation until my husband realizes I have just committed "him" to a weekend of making doll clothes or some other such girliness. I am doing Gretchen Rubin's 21 day relationship challenge right now and it is very good.

January 30, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHeresananswr

Beautifully written. One question? When were you in my house and how did you miss the ending of this fight resulting with a whole in the bathroom door?

January 30, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRichelle

I think you guys are in it for the Long Haul !

January 30, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterUtah L

@Utah L - I think so too! He's a keeper and I'm tryin' to keep him even though marriage is the hardest thing I've ever done.

January 30, 2013 | Registered CommenterThe Girl Who...

This was beautifully written and felt so familiar. Thank you for sharing.

January 30, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkat

It brings back old memories :) I am sharing the same experience too and i have stopped to read your story for awhile :) Thank you for sharing such an emotional story.

January 31, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

I have been married for 17 years, and I so remember these moments. I can't pinpoint exactly when they began happening with less frequency, but it definitely scaled back through the years. Thank you for writing, I stumbled onto your blog in the last few months, and I really love your posts and pics. Much love to you and yours...

January 31, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercarrielu

Screw that! I'd have cooked that shrimp up and eaten it in the middle of the night- taking special care to eat ALL of the shrimp. Then I would have left the dirty dishes in the sink and gone to bed.

January 31, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermrg

Awwww! Now that's what I call a good husband.
Even after an argument, a little thoughtfulness shines through and makes you realize that he really is listening.

That's awesome!

January 31, 2013 | Unregistered Commentergibsondog

I really enjoyed reading this post. The best writing, I've read in a long time.

February 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterC

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