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Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Friday
Feb032012

Dear Internet, Here Are My Wife's Boobs!

Did you ever see that story about how Tori Spelling's husband tweeted a photo of his son who was playing in Tori's hospital room right after she gave birth? He didn't notice that right behind his son's head, his wife's naked boobies were saluting the ceiling! (Her boobs salute the ceiling as opposed to the floor, like mine, because they're fake) But anyway, yeah. Oopsies! Dean didn't realize his mistake until TMZ pointed it out for him and by then it was too late, it was the photo seen 'round the world.

So Serge has been working really hard on this hilarious post on Dadding called 25 Tips For Dads During Labor and Delivery and one of this tips is "Don't Tweet Unless Wife Approved" and he uses the Tori Spelling incident as an example. A couple photos later he's advising dads to make sure they get a photo of mom the first time they place baby in her arms. To illustrate his point he pulled a photo from our computer archives of me holding Henry for the first time and y'all? I'll be damned if my giant, floppy titty wasn't on full display for the world to see. Man alive! I'm all "Dude, you just pulled a Tori Spelling here, how do you not see my enormous cannonball boob spilling all over this photo?! You know boobs, unless they're of the false variety, never look good when a lady is in repose. They kind of flatten out and disappear into your chest. Not only that, but when you're pregnant, like some freaking horror show, your nipples begin to grow, slowly gaining ground on your boob until you could serve dinner off them, they're so big.

First my mangled vagina on the internet and now giant, floppy pregnancy boob. Thank god I decided to look at his piece or... well, DAMN. If you caught sight of that photo I don't know that you could look at me in the same way again.

Yeesh.

Anyway, send this around to all the pregnant couples in your life. It's solid advice. And, no worries! The only naked titties on display in the piece are Tori Spelling's.