Wednesday
Dec052012
White Privilege White Guilt At The Same Damn Time
**An Apology regarding this post.
I really hate writing about music. I don't usually like reading what someone else writes about music either. But here! Let me write about music for you to read! And let me get controversial while I'm at it! Oh boy.
Music is such a personal thing, at least to me, that writing extensively about something that really moves you can often feel, to other people, like looking at your vacation photos but worse because telling someone you know what music they should be listening to can often come off as more than just a little bit condescending. So yeah! Hey! Let me tell you what you should be listening to because my musical tastes are so much more advanced than yours.
But, well, I've found out about a lot of good music, including the dude I'm about to tell you about, from other people so I guess I'm here to keep spreading the good word.
I need to tell you about Macklemore. If you haven't heard of him yet, that is. Actually, "him" is a they. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis or Macklemore X Ryan Lewis, as they're called. A couple months ago a friend tweeted the link to their video for Thrift Shop. You need to watch it. Song and vid are so rad you won't even be able to help yourself from getting jiggy with it. Awkward head bobbing, intense overbite, the whole thing. Seriously. Nothing preachy here, just go dig that shit while you're still groovy enough to appreciate it. You'll be singing it tomorrow, you'll be singing it next year. And not just you. Your kids too. The nearly thirty million other people who've checked it out can't be wrong.
There was a point in time that Violet and Henry forced me to watch the Thrift Shop video at least ten times a day. And you know kids, stuff never gets old. You end up reading them the same story eleventy-five times a day for a month and then they move on. So yeah, the kids are crazy for Macklemore. So crazy that when I picked up Violet from pre-school one day her teacher asked me, "Who's Macklemore?"
EXHIBIT A:
That thing Henry does when the music kicks in? Does it every time.
Yeah, I let my kids listen to swear words. They don't actually know which words in the song are swear words so I'm not making a big deal about it. If I don't care you shouldn't either.
So Macklemore is this white rapper from Seattle. I mention that he's white because it's relevant, in this case. Most rappers are black. Additionally, many rappers rap about stuff I can't relate to. Not that their beats aren't fresh, yo (how awkward was that?) it's just that I didn't grow up slingin' dope in the hood, (not as awkward as that.) I don't get racially profiled, I don't pop the cork on a glass of Cristal and make it rain at strip clubs, (although I'm not necessarily opposed) and so while I really dig all kinds of rap and have been down with it since Run DMC told me to Walk This Way and N.W.A. suggested I Fuck Tha Police, most of the time, the stuff I listen to isn't exactly telling my story. That doesn't mean I like the music any less, just that I can't relate to in that very personal way you sometimes can with music you feel personally. Oftentimes we like music because it articulates our feelings with a passion that even though we feel, we could never articulate. I can't really say most of the rap I listen to has done that for me, sick beats or no.
Regardless of being a lifelong fan of rap I often feel a fool rapping with Hova when he's telling me he's got 99 problems (including but not limited to being racially profiled) and a bitch ain't one. A white girl can feel a little silly rockin' some head phones, dueting with Lil Wayne.
Fuck you hoe I'm so 504
I hope every snitch die slow
Me too, Wayne, (or is it Mr. Lil?) me too!
I mean, don't get me wrong, I would like to "peel off in the Lamborghini like a tangerine, get the engine straight shakin' like a tambourine" as much as the next gal but sometimes, no matter how good a rap song is, and there are so many good ones, I feel more than a little sheepish singing along about how "Doctors say I’m the illest, cause I’m suffering from realness, got my niggas in Paris and they going gorillas, huh."
Did it make you uncomfortable when I typed nigga? Did it? Because it makes me super uncomfortable to write it even though it's the lyric to a Jay Z song and is poppin' in rap songs as often as the caps are popped in asses and the corks are poppin' from the Cristal.
Music is for everyone, this is true. But it's not that simple, is it? What respectable white person doesn't feel like a douche singing the word nigga?
**Large-ish sidenote:
In this case, after much thought, I've deduced it would be better to use the actual word nigga instead of tap dancing around it as was my original tendency. Because that's the word we're talking about here and not the word nigger, as would've been implied had I chosen to use the phrase "the N-word." With me so far? And anyway, using the phrase "the N word" as the great Louis C.K. opines, is bullshit. "Because when you say "the N word" you put the world "nigger" in the listener's head. That's what saying a word is. You say the N word and I go oh, she means nigger. You're saying the word in my head. Why don't you say it and take responsibility?" Besides, nigga is something else altogether; it's a good thing, the exact opposite of what the word nigger has meant for hundreds of years.
So even though the word nigga has a mostly positive connotation in hip hop, especially because the word has a positive connotation, things are all the more confusing for us white folks just trying to figure out the best way to listen to the rap that we like. Although the word is so prevalent in so many songs, it's still fraught with controversy, especially when issued from the lips of white people trying to get jiggy with it.
It's all so confusing, isn't it? Because even my typing the word to explain an anti-racist idea to you is cringeworthy, isn't it? You're wincing right now, aren't you? You're wondering if this is appropriate and you aren't sure... Even though this is a discussion about a very real issue we come up against time and time again in society, it's uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that I've thought several times about not writing this because who am I to get all up in the mix of this? Well, I'm a white person who has a lot of confusion about the word, why it's still so prevalent and how or if it should ever be used by white people singing along to or talking about hip hop, so I guess that makes me about as qualified as anyone.
Take Gwyneth Paltrow's controversial tweet wherein she used the word "nigga" when referencing the title of an actual Jay-Z song. The debate raged as to whether its appropriate for white people to use the word in a hip hop context. But how is that to be avoided when one of the most prolific rappers of all time uses the word on albums that are bought by millions of white people?
I'm not really offering a solution here, just presenting the problem of rap when it comes to a white girl singing along to her tunes while working her ass on the treadmill at the local YMCA. As of yet there is no solution. The word nigga remains controversial yet still popular and is becoming increasingly awkward for white folks who, instead of trying to deduce when and if it's ever appropriate to use, would probably do better to avoid it altogether, yes, even when singing along to your boy Jay-Z.
Racism continues to live and breath in the hearts and minds of millions of people whether or not you're aware of it and even though the word nigga isn't always considered racist I think it's best for white folks to steer clear. And maybe black rappers ought to consider avoiding it as well. Yes, I know it's "their word" but to fling it all over hell and back in albums they damn well know millions of white kids are buying and still get outraged over white use of the word is somewhat hypocritical, isn't it? Or is this where white people just shut up and deal with the awkwardness? Yet, is it okay to acknowledge the awkwardness, as I'm doing right now or is even that inappropriate?
But here I am walking the thin line again, right? Because who am I to deny a race a word it took back from a race (my race) that used it as a weapon? A weapon so mighty it caused a pain so deep and debilitating that I, being who I am, born when I was, could never, ever fathom or fully understand the destruction its use wreaked upon the hearts and minds of its millions of victims.
And still, the point is a valid one, is it not? "Nigga" continues to be one of the most confusing words of our time and we're all pussyfooting around the whole thing because we don't want to offend anyone. But how can a word be okay for one race and not for another, if no ill will is meant by it? Does it really only belong to one race or has that race successfully taken it back, popularized it and made it okay for everyone to use as it pertains to singing along with black hip hop artists? Or will that never be okay? And if it's never going to be okay, shouldn't the word (even though some see its usage as a victory of sorts) just go away in much the same way we're slowly (hopefully) eliminating the word faggot from the lexicon or explaining to our children that calling something "gay" to describe its suckiness isn't cool.
Do you say the word nigga when singing along to rap songs?
But this whole dilemma, this whole left-turn into discussing the word was because it's a part of why I like Macklemore. Not because he's a white rapper but because he gets this whole dilemma about which I'm laboring to impart and verbalizes it so articulately and he's able to do that because he's white. So yeah, in this case, the fact that he's a white rapper is important. And, let's be honest, really good white rappers are few and far between, so he is a bit of a novelty not only because his music is dope, as the kids say, but his message is even... uh... doper.
Now every month there is a new Rodney on Youtube
It's just something our generation is used to
And neighborhoods where you never see a news crew
Unless they're gentrifying, white people don't even cruise through
And my subconscious telling me stop it
This is an issue that you shouldn't get involved in
Don't even tweet, R.I.P Trayvon Martin
Don't wanna be that white dude, million man marchin'
Fighting for our freedom that my people stole
Don't wanna make all my white fans uncomfortable
But you don't even have a fuckin' song for radio
Why you out here talkin race, tryin' to save the fuckin' globe
Don't get involved if the cause isn't mine
White privilege, white guilt, at the same damn time
So we just party like it's nineteen ninety-nine
Celebrate the ignorance while these kids keep dying
To listen to the song above, called A Wake, click here. (I've listened to this song at least a hundred times this month.)
Nailed it. For me, anyway. As a white girl I sometimes feel stupid speaking out about certain issues because they aren't "my" issues. Who wants to hear what my privileged ass thinks about something, you know? To tweet RIP Trayvon Martin almost felt disrespectful. How dare I try to jump on that particular cause when I know next to nothing about the racist environment that killed him?
And yet I want to acknowledge it. Because I care. Because I want it to change and a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step and so maybe my tweet or my blog is a small step toward something. And then I get embarrassed again because it isn't "my" issue. It is my issue! It's everyone's issue.
"Don't get involved if the cause isn't mine, white privilege, white guilt at the same damn time."
So Macklemore. I am stone cold in love with this dude. He is brilliant. The entire album he just released is awesome. Slick beats, funny lyrics, wise words. And I can relate. No longer have to feel a fool runnin' my fat ass on the treadmill and singing about how "I ball so hard muhfuckas wanna fine me...What's 50 grand to a muhfucka like me?" when I've got Macklemore all up in my rotation.
But it's all so complex because even the fact that I'm so stoked about a white rapper makes me feel guilty. Is that what I need to be able to enjoy rap music? A white rapper? No. I like black rappers but they aren't usually rapping about stuff that relates directly to me. Now, for the first time, I know what some kid who was raised in the hood felt like when he started hearing talents like Biggie and Tupac and Dre and Snoop rapping about their lives; finally, somebody gets it. So that's kind of how I feel listening to Macklemore. Finally, somebody who gets my particular journey is creating kick ass rap music to go with the message.
I guess what I'm saying is this is the first time a rapper, yes, a white rapper, is turning out some stuff that is speaking to specific life experiences of mine. Someone to whom rap definitely isn't marketed toward. Ain't no music exec anywhere that has ever said, "This song will really kill with white, middle-class moms in their thirties!"
One of Macklemore's best messages? Something that you definitely haven't heard rapped about before. Gay rights. You might be familiar with a video of his for a song he wrote that went viral. Same Love. Watch and try not to cry.
Yes. Macklemore X Ryan Lewis. By the way, they've never signed with a label. They do everything on their own so they can do it their way. Recently hit number one on iTunes without a record deal. How about that? So check 'em out.
By the way, you can also watch them on NPR's famous Tiny Desk Concert. If you can watch this entire video and not be madly in love with Ben Haggerty (AKA Macklemoe) by the end, why then, you should ask Santa Claus for a heart for Christmas you cyborg, you.
I really hate writing about music. I don't usually like reading what someone else writes about music either. But here! Let me write about music for you to read! And let me get controversial while I'm at it! Oh boy.
Music is such a personal thing, at least to me, that writing extensively about something that really moves you can often feel, to other people, like looking at your vacation photos but worse because telling someone you know what music they should be listening to can often come off as more than just a little bit condescending. So yeah! Hey! Let me tell you what you should be listening to because my musical tastes are so much more advanced than yours.
But, well, I've found out about a lot of good music, including the dude I'm about to tell you about, from other people so I guess I'm here to keep spreading the good word.
I need to tell you about Macklemore. If you haven't heard of him yet, that is. Actually, "him" is a they. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis or Macklemore X Ryan Lewis, as they're called. A couple months ago a friend tweeted the link to their video for Thrift Shop. You need to watch it. Song and vid are so rad you won't even be able to help yourself from getting jiggy with it. Awkward head bobbing, intense overbite, the whole thing. Seriously. Nothing preachy here, just go dig that shit while you're still groovy enough to appreciate it. You'll be singing it tomorrow, you'll be singing it next year. And not just you. Your kids too. The nearly thirty million other people who've checked it out can't be wrong.
There was a point in time that Violet and Henry forced me to watch the Thrift Shop video at least ten times a day. And you know kids, stuff never gets old. You end up reading them the same story eleventy-five times a day for a month and then they move on. So yeah, the kids are crazy for Macklemore. So crazy that when I picked up Violet from pre-school one day her teacher asked me, "Who's Macklemore?"
EXHIBIT A:
That thing Henry does when the music kicks in? Does it every time.
Yeah, I let my kids listen to swear words. They don't actually know which words in the song are swear words so I'm not making a big deal about it. If I don't care you shouldn't either.
So Macklemore is this white rapper from Seattle. I mention that he's white because it's relevant, in this case. Most rappers are black. Additionally, many rappers rap about stuff I can't relate to. Not that their beats aren't fresh, yo (how awkward was that?) it's just that I didn't grow up slingin' dope in the hood, (not as awkward as that.) I don't get racially profiled, I don't pop the cork on a glass of Cristal and make it rain at strip clubs, (although I'm not necessarily opposed) and so while I really dig all kinds of rap and have been down with it since Run DMC told me to Walk This Way and N.W.A. suggested I Fuck Tha Police, most of the time, the stuff I listen to isn't exactly telling my story. That doesn't mean I like the music any less, just that I can't relate to in that very personal way you sometimes can with music you feel personally. Oftentimes we like music because it articulates our feelings with a passion that even though we feel, we could never articulate. I can't really say most of the rap I listen to has done that for me, sick beats or no.
Regardless of being a lifelong fan of rap I often feel a fool rapping with Hova when he's telling me he's got 99 problems (including but not limited to being racially profiled) and a bitch ain't one. A white girl can feel a little silly rockin' some head phones, dueting with Lil Wayne.
Fuck you hoe I'm so 504
I hope every snitch die slow
Me too, Wayne, (or is it Mr. Lil?) me too!
I mean, don't get me wrong, I would like to "peel off in the Lamborghini like a tangerine, get the engine straight shakin' like a tambourine" as much as the next gal but sometimes, no matter how good a rap song is, and there are so many good ones, I feel more than a little sheepish singing along about how "Doctors say I’m the illest, cause I’m suffering from realness, got my niggas in Paris and they going gorillas, huh."
Did it make you uncomfortable when I typed nigga? Did it? Because it makes me super uncomfortable to write it even though it's the lyric to a Jay Z song and is poppin' in rap songs as often as the caps are popped in asses and the corks are poppin' from the Cristal.
Music is for everyone, this is true. But it's not that simple, is it? What respectable white person doesn't feel like a douche singing the word nigga?
**Large-ish sidenote:
In this case, after much thought, I've deduced it would be better to use the actual word nigga instead of tap dancing around it as was my original tendency. Because that's the word we're talking about here and not the word nigger, as would've been implied had I chosen to use the phrase "the N-word." With me so far? And anyway, using the phrase "the N word" as the great Louis C.K. opines, is bullshit. "Because when you say "the N word" you put the world "nigger" in the listener's head. That's what saying a word is. You say the N word and I go oh, she means nigger. You're saying the word in my head. Why don't you say it and take responsibility?" Besides, nigga is something else altogether; it's a good thing, the exact opposite of what the word nigger has meant for hundreds of years.
So even though the word nigga has a mostly positive connotation in hip hop, especially because the word has a positive connotation, things are all the more confusing for us white folks just trying to figure out the best way to listen to the rap that we like. Although the word is so prevalent in so many songs, it's still fraught with controversy, especially when issued from the lips of white people trying to get jiggy with it.
It's all so confusing, isn't it? Because even my typing the word to explain an anti-racist idea to you is cringeworthy, isn't it? You're wincing right now, aren't you? You're wondering if this is appropriate and you aren't sure... Even though this is a discussion about a very real issue we come up against time and time again in society, it's uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that I've thought several times about not writing this because who am I to get all up in the mix of this? Well, I'm a white person who has a lot of confusion about the word, why it's still so prevalent and how or if it should ever be used by white people singing along to or talking about hip hop, so I guess that makes me about as qualified as anyone.
Take Gwyneth Paltrow's controversial tweet wherein she used the word "nigga" when referencing the title of an actual Jay-Z song. The debate raged as to whether its appropriate for white people to use the word in a hip hop context. But how is that to be avoided when one of the most prolific rappers of all time uses the word on albums that are bought by millions of white people?
I'm not really offering a solution here, just presenting the problem of rap when it comes to a white girl singing along to her tunes while working her ass on the treadmill at the local YMCA. As of yet there is no solution. The word nigga remains controversial yet still popular and is becoming increasingly awkward for white folks who, instead of trying to deduce when and if it's ever appropriate to use, would probably do better to avoid it altogether, yes, even when singing along to your boy Jay-Z.
Racism continues to live and breath in the hearts and minds of millions of people whether or not you're aware of it and even though the word nigga isn't always considered racist I think it's best for white folks to steer clear. And maybe black rappers ought to consider avoiding it as well. Yes, I know it's "their word" but to fling it all over hell and back in albums they damn well know millions of white kids are buying and still get outraged over white use of the word is somewhat hypocritical, isn't it? Or is this where white people just shut up and deal with the awkwardness? Yet, is it okay to acknowledge the awkwardness, as I'm doing right now or is even that inappropriate?
But here I am walking the thin line again, right? Because who am I to deny a race a word it took back from a race (my race) that used it as a weapon? A weapon so mighty it caused a pain so deep and debilitating that I, being who I am, born when I was, could never, ever fathom or fully understand the destruction its use wreaked upon the hearts and minds of its millions of victims.
And still, the point is a valid one, is it not? "Nigga" continues to be one of the most confusing words of our time and we're all pussyfooting around the whole thing because we don't want to offend anyone. But how can a word be okay for one race and not for another, if no ill will is meant by it? Does it really only belong to one race or has that race successfully taken it back, popularized it and made it okay for everyone to use as it pertains to singing along with black hip hop artists? Or will that never be okay? And if it's never going to be okay, shouldn't the word (even though some see its usage as a victory of sorts) just go away in much the same way we're slowly (hopefully) eliminating the word faggot from the lexicon or explaining to our children that calling something "gay" to describe its suckiness isn't cool.
Do you say the word nigga when singing along to rap songs?
But this whole dilemma, this whole left-turn into discussing the word was because it's a part of why I like Macklemore. Not because he's a white rapper but because he gets this whole dilemma about which I'm laboring to impart and verbalizes it so articulately and he's able to do that because he's white. So yeah, in this case, the fact that he's a white rapper is important. And, let's be honest, really good white rappers are few and far between, so he is a bit of a novelty not only because his music is dope, as the kids say, but his message is even... uh... doper.
Now every month there is a new Rodney on Youtube
It's just something our generation is used to
And neighborhoods where you never see a news crew
Unless they're gentrifying, white people don't even cruise through
And my subconscious telling me stop it
This is an issue that you shouldn't get involved in
Don't even tweet, R.I.P Trayvon Martin
Don't wanna be that white dude, million man marchin'
Fighting for our freedom that my people stole
Don't wanna make all my white fans uncomfortable
But you don't even have a fuckin' song for radio
Why you out here talkin race, tryin' to save the fuckin' globe
Don't get involved if the cause isn't mine
White privilege, white guilt, at the same damn time
So we just party like it's nineteen ninety-nine
Celebrate the ignorance while these kids keep dying
To listen to the song above, called A Wake, click here. (I've listened to this song at least a hundred times this month.)
Nailed it. For me, anyway. As a white girl I sometimes feel stupid speaking out about certain issues because they aren't "my" issues. Who wants to hear what my privileged ass thinks about something, you know? To tweet RIP Trayvon Martin almost felt disrespectful. How dare I try to jump on that particular cause when I know next to nothing about the racist environment that killed him?
And yet I want to acknowledge it. Because I care. Because I want it to change and a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step and so maybe my tweet or my blog is a small step toward something. And then I get embarrassed again because it isn't "my" issue. It is my issue! It's everyone's issue.
"Don't get involved if the cause isn't mine, white privilege, white guilt at the same damn time."
So Macklemore. I am stone cold in love with this dude. He is brilliant. The entire album he just released is awesome. Slick beats, funny lyrics, wise words. And I can relate. No longer have to feel a fool runnin' my fat ass on the treadmill and singing about how "I ball so hard muhfuckas wanna fine me...What's 50 grand to a muhfucka like me?" when I've got Macklemore all up in my rotation.
But it's all so complex because even the fact that I'm so stoked about a white rapper makes me feel guilty. Is that what I need to be able to enjoy rap music? A white rapper? No. I like black rappers but they aren't usually rapping about stuff that relates directly to me. Now, for the first time, I know what some kid who was raised in the hood felt like when he started hearing talents like Biggie and Tupac and Dre and Snoop rapping about their lives; finally, somebody gets it. So that's kind of how I feel listening to Macklemore. Finally, somebody who gets my particular journey is creating kick ass rap music to go with the message.
I guess what I'm saying is this is the first time a rapper, yes, a white rapper, is turning out some stuff that is speaking to specific life experiences of mine. Someone to whom rap definitely isn't marketed toward. Ain't no music exec anywhere that has ever said, "This song will really kill with white, middle-class moms in their thirties!"
One of Macklemore's best messages? Something that you definitely haven't heard rapped about before. Gay rights. You might be familiar with a video of his for a song he wrote that went viral. Same Love. Watch and try not to cry.
Yes. Macklemore X Ryan Lewis. By the way, they've never signed with a label. They do everything on their own so they can do it their way. Recently hit number one on iTunes without a record deal. How about that? So check 'em out.
By the way, you can also watch them on NPR's famous Tiny Desk Concert. If you can watch this entire video and not be madly in love with Ben Haggerty (AKA Macklemoe) by the end, why then, you should ask Santa Claus for a heart for Christmas you cyborg, you.
Introspection
Reader Comments (97)
This is a good post. I don't think there's anything wrong with liking white rappers because you can relate to them more. I would stay away from singing nigga though. While browsing youtube to post links of white rappers to your Facebook post, I came aross "The Top 10 Best White Rappers" sample video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYwwq4AQOqs
Now I have a bunch more to check out for myself, and maybe you'd like some of them too.
Thanks for the links, Grace! I'll check 'em out.
It's not that I'm specifically looking for white rappers to listen to, though. I really like Macklemore's music and message and he happens to be white. Yeah him being white and not rapping about selling drugs and growing up in the hood is probably why I can relate, but still, I didn't want you to think I'm specifically seeking out white music or something.
Hi Monica
Have lurked forever on your blog. Have you ever heard of Tim Minchin? Listen to his song Prejudice. It is about being a ginger(hair colour) however there is obviously another meaning, ie with reference to the N word. Must admit I have not read your whole blog post, it is late here in Germany and some wine(red ,of course) may have been imbibed! Having followed your blog forever, I think Tim will be right up you and your husbands street.
Cheers
Shanene
Yes! I love rap but I always felt like a poseur listening to it because of some of the same reasons you mention! Then I happened to find a link to M.I.A.'s "Bad Girls" and had that yes! I can relate! moment. Check it out if you can. Love this post. Thank you.
One of the hardest things about the word, nigga, is that it's NOT always a positive connotation. I work primarily with black people and while I hear the word nigga used affectionately for friends, it is also used when describing someone who is hated, manipulative, a deadbeat, etc. So while I hear clients describe close ones with the word nigga, I actually MORE often hear it used to describe someone negatively. Never with the -er, always with the -a. I have observed it to be a way for black people to insult their black counterparts. They take on the same use of it as white people did/do. No matter that the -er is changed to an -a. It holds the same meaning with just a bit more "social acceptance".
It makes the whole discussion even more confusing.
@mr - Really? See, I've never heard that. Makes me even more sure we should just eliminate that word in the same way that we're trying to get rid of the -er version.
I just wanna know how you have two kids that don't want to molest the laptop sitting at eye level...
@Nina - They have DO NOT TOUCH MOM'S COMPUTER drilled into their heads. They still touch it though.
Ok, I took an Ethnic Minorities class while in college. It was taught by a black professor and this was a discussion that we had often in this class (by the way, I'm a white female). The professor (and the other black students in the class agreed) that it was NEVER ok for white people to use the "N" word (to this day, I can't even type it!), although it was ok for them to use it amongst each other.
Thanks for turning me on to this duo. Awesomness!
Sometimes I sing the word "nigga" when I listen to my Jay-Z and Kanye. Even in the car alone, I feel like I've done something taboo. It's a weird feeling, and you nailed it in this post. Being down... but not allowed to be down? It's so confusing.
Thanks for the introduction to Macklemore & Ryan Lewis. Just downloaded the album.
You are so excellent.
@Erica - I would love to take a class like that. And yes, I would never use the word in everyday speaking, but when I'm singing along to a song I purchased, a song someone wrote and released so that I would buy it... It feels weird not to be comfortable singing certain words, you know? Especially songs written by some of the most popular recording artists of all time. But don't you feel like using the phrase "the N-word" to describe the word nigga is a bit misleading? Isn't it meant to describe the -er word, which is a bit different? You say "the N-word" and I think of the -er word, not the word nigga... and they are a little different, aren't they?
Excellent Monica...and yeah, the artists rap to sell albums, and we sing along, and feel awkward singing along, but they want us to....sing I mean, but then as we're singing do we say "the n word" as they say nigga, that's 3 syllables and doesn't fit.....just bein stupid, but I hear ya!
What does an old lady even have to say anyway, that's another whole issue. But this article was great! And thriftshop is my themesong, love it... as I drive to "savers" my favorite place.
Oh! And I love watching my babies jive to macklemore!! Henry goes crazy and Violet gets way jiggy with it...or wid it...whatever.
I kinda know what you mean about words...being uncomfortable but even more so, singing songs which don't quite reflect ones own experiences.. okay, this is embarrassing but i wrote a rap song once about the 'hood' and felt extremely out of my 'element', which is not to say that I am above anyone coming up in the hood, but frankly, I grew up in a development not unlike the wonder years, and the only kids we were instructed to avoid and actually feared were the 'Hall boys', twin teenagers who liked to shoot BB guns at our butts from their rooftop. ( like an episode from Moonshiners). But anyway, this one song I was inspired to write after hearing about a child who was killed when a stray bullet ripped through his bedroom wall while he slept. I did not include any of that N word business but still....i was thinking it was a very sad rap song and i worried that anyone who could actually relate to it, if they knew old lady hotbreath, 40 somping white lady NOT from the hood wrote it, they might just want to puke...and perhaps may even take offense at my pretense...patronizing...tone. From that point on, I decided to keep it real, sort of. Mostly. But anyway, I understand how you feel. It's nice to be open to all kinds of music, but i avoid anything with a parental warning since it kinda hurts my heart to hear it. Messed up enough without it.
@Gina - Your comments are the best. You make me laugh and think, all at the same damn time. Send me your rap. I'd love to read it.
Wow. If you can find one who will stand still and listen to this foolishness, you should talk to an actual black person. Here, I'll help you out. Most aren't comfortable hearing white people say nigger or nigga, even when they're just rockin a beat, man. It's jarring. If it's really impossible for you to fully enjoy rap without singing nigga out loud that's your problem. Life is awkward sometimes. Stop looking for permission to be a chump.
@Jen - I think I was pretty clear that I'm not ever comfortable saying either word. I enjoy hip-hop without singing the word but whether I benignly sing "nigga" along with Jay Z or whomever, or consciously pause while the rapper says it - it's a weird issue and one I should be able to throw out there in an effort to see if others feel the same awkwardness.
Hip hop is a huge musical genre and white people make up a significant portion of the sales of concert tickets and albums. I think the question of whether or not its appropriate to sing along to a song I purchased is a valid one, at least to white people. I'm not saying I want to use the word, I don't, but I should be able to raise the question and have the discussion that acknowledges the weirdness of the whole thing without being told I'm a foolish chump. Your response implies I'm some kind of ignorant white person who doesn't get it which, in my belief, is definitely worse than me carefully raising a question that occurs to a lot of white people who probably don't dare broach the subject for fear of knee-jerk responses like yours that imply they just might be racist.
If the word is so off-limits to so many people, why is anyone using it at all, specifically why are the people that don't want it used perpetuating its use? Throwing the word in your lyrics a bunch of times when you know millions of white people are going to buy your tunes doesn't exactly make things clear to those of us you don't want using the word, you know?
White people saying nigga isn't benign. It's just not. Yes, it's true white people consume rap and hip hop, but some of it is not produced for them, or with their feeeeelings in mind, and that's okay. You sound like you want this music to come with instructions for white listeners and if that isn't ignorant I don't know what is. Next I expect you to tell me you're raising your kids to be color blind.
You are years, if not decades, late to this conversation. It's embarrassing.
Well put Monica, and Jen missed the point obviously.
@Jen - Well hey. I'm sorry you're embarrassed. I'm certainly not. For what it's worth, I think your attitude about this discussion is ignorant, so I guess we're equal. White people purchasing an album and singing along to the lyrics that the artist wrote FOR EVERYONE is about as benign as it gets and I didn't even take a side in the issue, just acknowledged the weirdness. But your attempt to make me feel like some ignorant racist for raising the question isn't benign. I understand discussing racism is tough and a lot of people get all squirmy and try to avoid it and responding in the way that you have doesn't help anybody. There are a number of ways to make your point without being a condescending name-caller. But thanks for commenting anyway.
Yes, it;s a great discussion. Words are creative and designed to fulfill the purpose for which they were sent out. You can choose to either react and respond to negative words and misunderstanding by hurting back or choose a higher road. While you may become hurt and are often misunderstood, you consistently choose the higher road. I personally believe that it is best to teach color blindness. Of course! Teach love. I would, since I do believe that all men are created equal, and we all want to be loved. Need to be loved. Enough hatred in the world. Yes it is obvious that we are not all alike. Life is awkward, but it's a great discussion. As for those who have been wounded by words ( as I have) You are beautiful and whoever said you were not, whoever called you by that ugly word was wrong and either has no idea the pain they caused you or have been taught and your family. I am sorry. Whoever it's for...
Yes, it;s a great discussion. Words are creative and designed to fulfill the purpose for which they were sent out. You can choose to either react and respond to negative words and misunderstanding by hurting back or choose a higher road. While you may become hurt and are often misunderstood, you consistently choose the higher road. I personally believe that it is best to teach color blindness. Of course! Teach love. I would, since I do believe that all men are created equal, and we all want to be loved. Need to be loved. Enough hatred in the world. Yes it is obvious that we are not all alike. Life is awkward, but it's a great discussion. As for those who have been wounded by words ( as I have) You are beautiful and whoever said you were not, whoever called you by that ugly word was wrong and either has no idea the pain they caused you or have been taught poorly. I am sorry. Whoever it's for...
I haven't commented in a long while (used to be a constant a while ago). I'm also a black woman. And the entire post made me incredibly uncomfortable. I understand where you're coming from, but the general stereotyping was hard. To say that it's hard for you to understand and relate to rap because you didn't grow up in the hood (the ghetto right?) is hard and it's dismissive to rap. I grew up upper middle class; went to prep school, never slung drugs, never had "beef" don't call other black folks nigga or nigger. Love and understand rap, as much as I love and understand classical music (despite not growing up in Hungary in the 15th century), I love heavy metal and understand it, yet I was never a pimply white skater boy, and I could go on. Do you see how offensive this could be?
You know who else didn't grow up in the ghetto: LL Cool J, A tribe called Quest, De La Soul, Jungle Brothers; just to name of few. I'm so sad at this, at you writing this. Are you trying to stir up some shit for readership? No seriously, I don't understand why you'd write this. Not you. Not only was it rough to read all the time you wrote nigga. After the first two times, I thought it was clearly understood and yes, I'd rather every white person squirm while saying the "N word" than actually say nigga because y'all don't want to be hypocritical. Don't say it, don't write it. I'm pissed at Jay Z for that title. But you, please don't.
Now, I do understand the "debate". Well I don't. I'm surprised that you need to thrash talk an entire genre AND make the worst assumptions about an entire group of people to say that you love a white rapper.
I don't know. I have a lump in my stomach from reading this and I don't like it. Just calling it as I feel it.
@Miss A - I'm sorry you took it that way, I really am.
But listen, I'm not getting where you're saying I trash talk an entire genre? I love rap music. And no, not all hip hop artists use the word "nigga" so there is plenty of hip hop I can listen to that doesn't use the word. I happen to like a lot of artists (Kanye, Jay Z, Lil Wayne etc.) who use the word. I was simply pointing out the awkwardness I feel while singing along to the music containing the word. It's a valid observation, a valid question to pose.
My point about Macklemore was that this is the first time a rapper is writing lyrics about the weirdness surrounding being white and figuring out the right thing to do in certain racially charged situations. That is speaking directly to things that happen to me all the time. But when you say that I'm degrading the entire genre... Well, I don't get your point. It's not hard to relate to rap because I didn't grow up in the hood, it's just not a song speaking directly about my particular life experience. That doesn't mean I like those songs any less. In fact, most all the hip hop I dig the most is talking about the grind of growing up in poverty, selling drugs, or suddenly having a lot of money and buying cars and going to strip clubs.
That said, when you find hip hop music that speaks directly to some of your own particular life experiences, it can be profound in the same way it was probably profound for someone who did grow up in poverty in Brooklyn and listened to Jay Z for the first time. He's 'telling my story! That's an awesome thing to find music that can tell your story in a way you couldn't have done. So how is it offensive to say I like an artist who is speaking to me and my life experiences? How does the fact that I relate to Macklemore take anything from hip hop by black artists? Would you feel the same way if a black person said I really dig Jay Z's song about being racially profiled by cops because that happens to me all the time and he totally nails it?
I didn't use the phrase "the N word" because it is my understanding that the phrase references the word ending in er and not the word I was referring to which was "nigga." But that's the point of this post. How confusing it is to navigate certain scenarios i.e. is it okay to sing the word while singing along with Jay Z or do I conscientiously pause every time it comes up because it's never okay for me to use that word even though it's in albums all the time? And if I shouldn't sing that word it kind of feels like the music isn't entirely for me to enjoy and there is a weirdness there. Why can't I ask these questions? Why can't there be a dialogue? Why must everyone get all weird and shut down when the only goal here is some kind of mutual respect and understanding about where we're all coming from?
LOL, you just cannot seem to wrap your mind around the idea that most rap isn't created with you or your demographic in mind. That's your privilege showing. It "kinda feels like this music isn't entirely for me to enjoy" because it's not. Mystery solved.
Look, I don't know where you got this notion that nigga is not offensive and therefore okay for white folks to use. If you really think it's somehow less awkward for you to say, type or sing the word rather than not, go on with your bad self. Just don't be surprised when people are less than understanding and you're forced to learn about levels of awkwardness you apparently never dreamed of.
@Jen - I'm pretty sure no rap artist has a white 35-year-old mom in mind when writing lyrics. Which I think I mentioned in the post you apparently didn't read. But what exactly are you implying? Because I'm not following your argument. Are you trying to say music belongs to certain people more than others? Are you trying to tell me you know who Jay Z writes his music for? Because I gotta figure my dollar is as good as the next person's when it comes to him taking money to the bank. I also gotta figure Jay Z or any other hip hop artist of his caliber knows just as many white folks as black folks will be buying and listening so I'm pretty sure he knows tens of millions of white people figure into who he's writing for which makes the whole question of whether or not it's appropriate to sing the word to his tunes even more valid.
And again, I'm not talking about using the word in conversation, I'm talking about using it specifically when singing along to music that was made for everyone. Seriously. Did you even read the post? I NEVER said the word wasn't offensive or okay for white people to use. The post was written to acknowledge how weird it is to pause when it comes up in a rap song as opposed to singing the word. I don't think a discussion surrounding the weirdness of a scenario millions of white people experience every day should be considered offensive at all and you trying to shame me or imply that I'm ignorant only showcases your own ignorance.
On a lighter note Monica, the singing along bit with kids so reminds me of when we first got into Marah. Paul's kids were about five and eight and being that the Bielanko boys had just given us a copy of 20,000 Streets Under the Sky, we were playing it non stop in the car. In particular Paul's kids used to sing along to Feather Boa. It was just a catchy song to them. But every time it was coming up to 'Born to suck a man off', Paul would start talking loudly, or turn it down - anything to distract them, cos liberal as he is, he just couldn't quite bear to hear his kids actually sing those words. even though they didn't have a clue what the were singing or what it was about. Imagine though, if they'd starting singing it at school or in the supermarket. They are 15 and 18 now and he still talks over that bit if it plays when they are around!
I haven't commented because I honestly don't know where to start on this. I'm white, so I don't claim to understand this from the perspective of a person of color, but I agree with a lot of what the (self-identified) black women in this thread have said.
Having privilege often puts you outside of the conversation in terms of what language is acceptable to minority groups, and that's ok. That's how it should be. It's not for you to decide who can use the term "nigga" because the word isn't about you. That it's not "fair" that some people can say the word and not others is ok. That you can't say it is ok. One thing about having privilege is recognizing it and being able to step back and *listen* to minority voices, and what they're saying in this context is "We're reclaiming the pain and sting of centuries of how this word was used and using it within our communities, and no, it's not ok for white people to say it because of the weight the word has carried to oppress us when used by white people in the past."
I can speak to this process of reclaiming language a bit in the GLBT community as I feel more qualified in that regard, being a queer person myself. See what I did there? It's ok for me to self identify as queer. It's ok for me to use that word because it's one that I'm taking back from its history of abuse and reintegrating into a larger context within the GLBT community. Is not, however, ok for a straight person to come up and say "Hey queer, how's it going?" It's the same way that some gay men call each other "fags" or some lesbians call each other "dykes" and no, it's not ok for straight people to use either of those words ever (and seriously, if you're using the term "fag hag" affectionately, please stop) and that's ok. It's not because we think you're homophobic. It's because you've used the words to hurt us in the past and we're taking them back to remove the hurt, which means we're taking them back *from you.* You can't have them right now. Maybe in some perfect future when language has evolved, "fag" won't have the same connotation, but for now, it's not your word.
I hope this has helped explain a bit how this post is very, very problematic. Not because your intentions aren't good, but because you're coming at a very difficult subject head on without being fully aware of the baggage involved.
I'm 100% with you. You shouldn't be embarrassed, uncomfortable, or feel ignorant writing about this. This is real. I think we ALL should avoid using this word. If people want this word a thing of the past, then lets not spice it up by covering it up with something more glamorized. I think all gay people should start calling themselves "fagga" and not let others who are straight use it. See, how ridiculous it all is? I know, I know, I'm an ignorant latino lesbian…. I'm the asshole. In all seriousness, I think, in order to change things, we need to change within ourselves and not force others. It is hypocritical to say one thing and tell someone else to say another, in all situations.
God, what a can of freaking worms. I am with you 100% Monica. I don't feel good about singing along - but I don't think the people who write the lyrics should feel good about using the words. I don't like that some words are ok for some people and not others...words are words...they are out there and they belong to everyone. Words have a past, their meanings have been changed, abused, misused,,,just like people - of all colors, races, backgrounds. Any words that are used to hurt people shouldn't be used in that way by anyone.
So I'm coming back to this thread because Monica, you've been gracious to allow a dialogue and we all deserve to openly talk about this.
This is how I feel about the word "Nigga". It's the same as Nigger. So both of these words deserve to be called the N word. I agree with a poster who says that no one should use them. However if there is an entire group of people who definitely can never, ever use this word, it's white people. Sorry if that sounds unfair, but boo woo, until you've been refused a job, a promotion, entry to a nightclub, until cabs never ever stop for you, ever (nor for your 58 year old mother), until a landlord tells you it's been rented but is willing to rent the same place to your best white friend, until people define your entire ethnic group as lower class, uneducated even if you or your entire family are quite the opposite, you can not, should not, will not, even remotely complain about unfairness because some uneducated rapper who made it big decided to use a word without thinking of its consequences.
Monica, I've read you enough to know that you're far from being racist, you're also far from acting entitled, I like your honesty and I know that in no way you meant to be insulting or trash talk. But that's how it read to me, maybe also to Jen and others.
I think I was really taken aback at all of this nigga and white vs black rapper to introduce a (cool as hell I agree) white rapper. I don't mind you talking about the N word, you want to talk about it, talk about how uncomfortable it makes you when you're singing to your fave rappers of the jour, how you don't know how to explain it to your kids one day, I get it, talk and write about it. However, this felt like a little, no very condescending, very dismissing of rap in general (because of the examples you used), very... I don't know. Very wrong.
I was hurting when I read it. But I'm glad, I'll say it again that we can talk about it. I have to say that the thing that makes me more uncomfortable than actual hardcore racism (which I know no one here practices) is hipster racism. Hipster racism is: calling homosexuals fags because your brother/best friend is gay, calling black people "my brother, my sister, nigga" because your best friend, cousin, half sister is black, talking about reverse racism (it's just not a thing), talking about how hard it is to be a white person because "jeez, I will never understand minorities".
Anyway, thanks for the chat. My mind had been in brain pudding style and this was a good wake up call, all this discussion is positive.
Fyi, your husband Serge was very cool when I falsely called you both out on not talking about the Trayvon Martin thing (you totally had), and I appreciate who you both are. Your kids will be smart and aware and happy.
Miss A
Can I tentatively dip a toe in here? I've never commented before but I am also a white, privileged 30-something woman and so I just want to chime in my thoughts. First, I commend you for sticking out this debate with your feelings and thoughts. Actually, I commend everyone who's chimed in. Discussions like this are hard. Especially amongst well-meaning people who never meant to hurt anyone.
I think the problem here is not just race, but class, privilege and all around cultural belonging. It's not just about what color your skin is, but it's about how you identify and what your experience of the world has been BECAUSE of the color of your skin. I don't think someone who is white should even try to imagine that they would know what the N word implies and means. Just like I wouldn't go around thinking I'm Latina because I can speak Spanish. It's more than being well-meaning and trying to "erase boundaries." Because you can't really take away boundaries just because the music was mass-produced. In other words, just because you or I (as white women) can buy the music, enjoy the music, even LOVE the music, doesn't mean that we have the same experience of the world as the person who wrote it.
The sad thing is, I don't think that was your intention when you wrote this post. I think your intentions were to say, Damn, this is confusing. What the hell should I do? I don't have the answer here. I'm also ignorant. There's really no way not to be.
I think the best way to be culturally sensitive and aware is to embrace our ignorance. Ask people. Listen. Acknowledge that we don't have a clue. And you know what? There's no right answer. There's no answer for all Black people or all White people. Because everyone belonging to a certain group has their own specific experiences which contribute to their own feelings. Models of ethnic or cultural development say that it is a younger, more naive perspective to say that "I don't see color" or "we are all equal," because that's for damn sure not true. But it's not much higher up on the developmental ladder to say, "All people of privilege fit into the same group." As in an "us-them" model. It's more complicated than that.
So maybe the lesson here is, Don't try to get it. Don't try to use the word. That makes sense to me. Because how the hell would I understand it? All I would feel is embarrassed and afraid of hurting people in ways I don't understand.
Which leaves you with...a whole lack of clarity on a messy issue.
Just wanna comment on whomever it was who said we should teach 'colourblindness' to kids. Sorry, but that is really not helpful. It's important to talk to kids about race, about how some people with different coloured skin get treated differently and it's not ok. If you just throw this 'everybody is equal' business around, kids are going to absorb it in a different way, through the representation of people of colour on TV, what they hear other kids at school saying, etc, and they are going to slowly absorb the institutional racism that is still rampant today. Colour DOES matter. It's easy to say 'I don't see colour' when you are white, because you aren't forced to see it. I'm really glad that some commenters have already addressed privilege here. When you are white, you have the privilege to not have to think about the colour of your skin. If you are black, sorry, it's brought up in your daily life time and time again. Don't pretend to your children that race doesn't matter. Obviously, teaching equality is important, but don't just throw out the "we are all equal!" without addressing the finer points.
To Monica, I think it's great that you are exploring these questions. I know racism is a difficult topic for everyone, and white people often have no clue how to go about it. You feel vaguely racist for even thinking about it. Open dialogue is good. But it's very touchy, and I can see from your comments that you are feeling a tad defensive about some responses here. I will reiterate what someone else has already said: you have privilege, you may not always see it, you may end up saying insensitive things totally without meaning it, and it's very important to just chill out and listen when people of colour point that out to you. It sucks, of course, but it's something people of colour have to deal with time and time again, white people getting pouty and butthurt about not being congratulated for having the best of intentions when they say something ignorant. Chill and let the discussion flow, listen, and then ask some more if you still have questions.
I truly appreciate the direction these comments have taken. I wrote this post with the best of intentions. To try and explain my confusion and weirdness over the word "nigga" strictly as it pertains to singing along to popular rap songs. I'm not complaining about the awkwardness, I just kind of wanted to acknowledge it and see if anyone else has the same experience.
Maybe I didn't articulate my feelings very well, maybe the topic is just too sensitive for someone like me to broach, or maybe my mistake is framing it within a post about why I like a white rapper. I don't know. If I came off as defensive in the comments it's because I feel very defensive if someone implies I'm ignorant or racist because I don't think I'm either of those things. I've thought about it all weekend. I understand how much pain those words bring as much as I can being who I am, which, granted, that might not even scratch the surface of the pain a black person feels about those words but that was kind of my point in expressing confusion about the word being so popular in certain songs that people know millions of white people will purchase. And then again - Jay Z can write whatever he wants and that doesn't mean it's okay... But you can see where the confusion comes in? You can see where someone standing outside the black experience might wonder if it's okay to sing along? Again, I don't sing along, but I was just acknowledging how weird it is to decide to sing along or consciously pause when the word comes up.
This article I read on Slate sums up how I feel, I think. It says "We shouldn’t prohibit interesting engagements with a fraught word in the name of knee-jerk political correctness."
Thanks for adding to the interesting engagement over here, you guys. I appreciate it. Also, if you want to read the entire Slate article, it's a pretty fascinating breakdown on the exact same subject we're discussing: the decision on whether or not to sing along to the word while listening to rap. The comments are equally interesting.
http://tinyurl.com/6whl3la
Yikes. I should clarify before I say anything that I've been a long time reader who rarely (if ever) comments. So, as someone who has been reading you for years, I can safely say that I don't think you're racist . Further to that, I don't think you're wrong for asking these questions. I think JustMe was spot on when she said, "First, I commend you for sticking out this debate with your feelings and thoughts. Actually, I commend everyone who's chimed in. Discussions like this are hard. Especially amongst well-meaning people who never meant to hurt anyone." This isn't easy to talk about at all and I thank you for attempting to provide a safe space to have this conversation. When writing about a subject as contentious as race and as personal as music, it's a delicate balance and always needs a lot of care.
I have to agree with what Miss A said in her earlier comment regarding enjoying certain genres of music despite not having a person connection to the lyrics. I don't know what it's like to do time in Folsom but I like a bit of Johnny Cash. I've never been robbed in Long Beach, but I'd be happy to recite Warren G - Regulate verbatim. I don't know what Shakira was on about because my hips do lie... constantly... they're the worst. You get me? And I truly do see what you were going for, and I know that a lot of it was in jest (e.g. - "Regardless of being a lifelong fan of rap I often feel a fool rapping with Hova when he's telling me he's got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one. A white girl can feel a little silly rockin' some head phones, dueting with Lil Wayne. Fuck you hoe I'm so 504 / I hope every snitch die slow. Me too, Wayne, (or is it Mr. Lil?) me too!"). It's just that there are plenty of black people that cannot relate to certain scenarios in rap music, whilst there could be some white, latino, asian, [insert race here] people that do. I don't relate to a lot of lyrics in what some people might consider a stereotypical white scenario in a white genre of music, but other might (regardless of race). The color of your skin does not immediately dictate a blanket understanding. And the thing is, I think you would recongnize that when I put it as plainly as that. And I don't think you meant to say infer that is the case, but it some of your examples above did come off that way.
All that aside, I do know what you mean when you find a song or artist that DOES speak to you personally, for whatever reason, and that is powerful stuff. I think Macklemore is wonderful and if you identify with his lyrics and that makes you like him even more, then fantastic. I think a person connection to lyrics/artists just enhances the serious personal experience music provides. I think that is independent to race entirely.
My two cents regarding the N-word: As a white woman, I steer clear of it (in all of its varied spellings and meanings). It just doesn't feel right or natural to me in any capacity. I radio-edit myself whilst singing. It's weird. But for me, that's just the way it is.
My two cents regarding not this topic: I've been loving your stuff a lot lately (not that I ever fell out of loving, but I know you weren't feeling right for a bit). The Babble post about Violet/beauty and your general style lately, well, it's great. Not sure how you're feeling but I'm enjoying it. So, thank you.
I don't think you are ignorant. You grew up in Utah and live in a rural part of PA. You might have been sheltered from a discussion people have in earlier years
Thank you for writing about this. Writing about race, class, culture is clunky. I grew up in a social norm where you just don't talk about such things, about what it means, about its complications, about our feelings about it. It is complex, difficult to articulate and can trigger a lot of emotion. That is exactly why we should do it. My opinion of this post is that you were honest and thoughtful.
It's not rocket science. White People = No to Nword; er or a or otherwise.
I believe Jay Smooth has the final word on this:
Has anyone considered the fact that, in particular, the two biggest hip hop stars in the world, I dare say--Jay Z and Kanye West--use the N word ALL THE TIME in their lyrics, and maybe they do it ON PURPOSE so that we can have discussions like this? Maybe the intention is for us to feel uncomfortable and talk about it? The F word (not the four letter one) is rarely used in any music I listen to, I don't sing along with that one if I do ever hear it, so maybe it is a matter of self-editing. It just feels weird for there to be this one word that's in VERY popular music that a percentage of the listening population is supposed to skip over. I do sing along with it sometimes (as I said above, it feels wrong to do so, and typically the next time that verse comes along, I substitute with the Jay Z-popularized "jigga"), but that's because I don't want to stop mid-rocking out and think about race. But hell, maybe that's what Jay Z and Kanye want me to do. Maybe the whole point is that I'm supposed to stop and think about it, while black people get to sing right through it? Or do black people also stop and think about what they're singing/skipping?
I don't know. I agree that the word just needs to go. Along with the F word and the R word when we're describing people. Let's just be kinder to each other, and use words that describe someone's character (I've gone with "ridiculous" in place of the R word, because I was a frequent offender for a long time with that one, I admit). But until some of the most famous people in the hip hop business stop putting it out for the world, it's still going to be awkward for some of us.
In regards to the idea that this music is not made for us 30-something white ladies, that's maybe true of some lesser known rap artists, but it's not true of Kanye and Jay Z (and yes, so what, I'm bringing it to the level of just those two, since I buy basically every album they put out). They know they are making songs that are going to remind us of our younger years in the club, nights out with our girls shaking our booties, and we are still going to buy that music and crank it up in our cars when we have that one glorious trip alone to Target every month. And sure, they're also making it for young African American kids, and I'm going to guess pretty much anyone who can appreciate a killer beat, because they do like their money... and want to be the best at what they do, which does not mean the best to African Americans only.
I'm glad for the discussion. It's important. It's the point. Its' the only way we're ever going to progress as a society. But you know who is NOT having this discussion (as far as I know)? The kids living in the projects who use the N word as an every day part of their language. I work at an urban medical center, I take the bus to work and one day actually asked two black teenagers to watch their language because they were LOUDLY tossing around the F bomb and the N word and various other words that I thought were entirely unsavory for the 5 year old little black boy standing there waiting for the bus with his mother. So how can we get THOSE kids to talk about this, instead of us, who clearly understand that the word is a problem?
Nobody likes to be called racist, that is true. But I think people have a weird vision of what a 'racist' person is. A racist person isn't a puppy-killing, cross burning heartless demon. I honestly believe that the way we have come to perceive racism/racists is very damaging, because people get that being racist = bad, but the truth is everybody is a little bit racist. We ALL have prejudices, and most of us try our best to overcome them but we don't always succeed. We sometimes say something ignorant. Sometimes people say things because they didn't know it was not ok. Out of ignorance, you might say something racist but that does not necessarily mean you ARE a racist. However, it's ok to acknowledge, once you figure it out, that what you said was racist. Trying to pretend that we are soooo not racist and would NEVER say racist things is kind of, well...denying that racism exists. It exists and it affects us all, racism is bad but we need to stop pretending that the only people who are racist are some evil bogeymen.
If you say something racist out of hate? Then yeah, you're a racist. But when someone gently points out your ignorance to you, that is your chance to learn something, and not say that racist statement again.
@ Lydia Beautiful comment. I agree completely.
@Luna Another good point. Can I ask you, do you think I've said something ignorant here? If so, what is it?
Monica, you are not ignorant. Far, far from it. The truth is, we seek out music that speaks to us, and for someone to suggest that there is something wrong with you or you are "entitled" because you want your music to speak to you says more about that person than it does about you. Please, don't let a few angry people (or one) make you question yourself. Discussion is good, debate is good, asking questions is good. All things that intelligent people do. xoxo
My two cents? (Cause I always have an opinion) Everyone is entitled to their opinions which are based on their personal life experiences. For people like me (who have always lived in urban cities, or have black friends, mine BFF was black all through childhood) it does seem a little dated only because this topic first came up in the late 80's and early 90's. So Monica you have every right to question lyrics, theories, and the political correctness of your new favorite rapper, or ANY music genre, but it just seems dated and naive because ... and I don't mean to be a bitch, but you've been super excited about Macklemore for a while now, which is great, I know how exciting it can be when you find a new sound you like, but the whole racism angle is sorta something that went with Tipper Gore's campaign to warn middle America about inappropriate lyrics. PS Love the video of your kids dancing .... my nephews caught on to Brittney Spear's... her one song that starts off "It's Brittney Bitch!" and they have NO idea what they're singing, they just like the music :)
@Bonnielee - Appreciate your comment! But we aren't talking about explicit lyrics and violence being in music (as was the case with Tipper Gore) nor are we talking about using the word "nigga" in everyday conversation or that WOULD be a dated conversation. We are specifically talking about using the word as it pertains to singing along to current music written by prolific rappers of our time who use the word in a positive context - talking about their good friends and living the high life as is the context in Jay Z's song with the word in the title. It's a current issue. These are current artists, current songs and something any white person who listens to these songs has dealt with. Do I sing the word? It's a word in the song. Jay Z wrote it for people to groove to, so should I sing it? Or should I pause awkwardly and wait for the word to pass? Or should I substitute another word, as someone said they do earlier in the comments. If you're at a Jay Z concert, do you sing the word? Would that make Jay Z mad? Or does he want you to sing along?
Either way it's a weird predicament and worth acknowledging or talking about... I think. If you choose not to sing the word, as I do, it's still an awkward moment with yourself when you pause to let the word pass.
If the word is in the poem and the poet wrote it that way, that's the way he wanted to be. That's the way it is. He meant it to be listened to that way, he meant it to be sung that way. If Jay Z is so prolific then why is it wrong to sing his song the way he wrote it? Is Jay Z racist? Is his song only for black people to sing? Is his record company racist for releasing songs with the word in them?
To answer your question, I sing all the words to all his songs and anybody else that uses the word and 'm white. It never occurred to me to pause during a specific lyric. I don't feel racist about that either.
As a white woman who lives in Orange County, CA, which is rampant with insidious racism, I have a very strong opinion about anyone using the "N" word (a, er or any iteration).
OC's racism is quiet but strong. I have been in so many situations with other white people when they assume it's safe to be their true selves and they let their racism show. About 80% of the time your warning is someone saying, "I'm not racist but ...".
In these exchanges when the "N" word is used and I react badly, the inevitable reply is "they use it". I totally get that non-black people should not use the word ever and if we don't understand it, to quote someone above, "boo hoo". I agree but ...
It's all well and good to accept that but when non-black people hang on to these beliefs, supported by black people using the word, then I don't see the purpose in it. Yes, I get the theory of taking the hurt back but in a risk/benefit analysis, I don't think it's worth it.
While our culture is changing, it's going to be a long time, at least in Orange County, that white people don't hold financial power. What I see happening is people of color not getting jobs to the outside world because they aren't qualified but behind closed doors, "can you believe that "N" thought he could work at my company?".
My theory holds for other incendiary words in other communities as well.
As for teaching children "color blindness" or not, I totally get where you are coming from Monica but I do think that as long as kids can innocently, on their own, be color blind the better. One child in my family - uber white boy w/red hair, casper complexion and freckles - was about 7 years old when he asked his Mom "how much Mexican am I"? She quickly said, "I think probably about 25%". He thought he was part Hispanic into his early teens!
I don't think having kids, especially non-black children, learn to use these words is okay. No matter how benign you may believe it is. If Violet used that word with black child, even out of context, the possibility of a lifetime of hurt for that other child is just too much to risk it.
All kids are going to hurt other kids but there is no reason to give them ammunition, innocent as your intention is.
They're allowed to use the n-word because they are taking ownership of a word that was once used to oppress them. Some African Americans don't agree with that line of thinking and don't use it. As white people, it's really none of our business either way. If we were oppressed by a country for hundreds of years through slavery, Jim Crow laws and residual racism then I'd say let's get all outraged but we've actually had things pretty sweet comparatively speaking. Let's just let them have the word if they want to use it. The argument between African Americans that agree and disagree with it's use should stay between them.
@Melanie, while I agree with your line of thinking, I see it too often that the use of the word by the black community emboldens the use of it behind closed doors in the non-black community in a way that is used to hurt black people.
@GreenInOc - Hello there! I appreciate your comment and totally agree but want to reiterate that I'm not talking about using the word in conversations with people. That wasn't ever the issue. I was specifically acknowledging the weirdness over whether or not to sing all the lyrics to hip hop songs that contain the word and that even when you choose not to sing it, as I do, there's a component of weirdness that comes along with that decision. That was all I was highlighting.
As far as raising children to be color blind, that's not really a theory I subscribe to although I appreciate the intent. I try to acknowledge all races with my kids and highlight the differences while teaching my kids that inherently we are mostly all the same. The phrase "color blind" is a tricky one in that it can kind of deny a race its heritage when it should be acknowledged, if that makes sense?