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Monica Bielanko
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Sunday
Dec302012

Rear View Mirror



If I manage to stay awake until midnight, when I count down the end of 2012 it won't be a welcoming of 2013 so much as a celebration of the fact that this year is officially over. Some years are punctuated with highlights and exciting events and others are pockmarked with sadness and struggle. 2012 was a year filled with hard times and I'm glad to see its demise.

Below are some notable posts from the past year. Thanks for being here, thanks for reading, thanks for all the words of advice and encouragement. In short - thanks for riding out my life with me. Not a day goes by that I'm not thrilled by your presence on this site.

Rapunzel I Ain't: In the end it was a cocktail of fatigue and shame that brought me to the bathroom mirror, staring vindictively at myself, a pair of scissors held menacingly toward my ponytail not unlike a murderer moments before he slits his victim's throat.

Tingalayo: She was standing there, in her bedroom door, as flames licked the wall not inches from her head. She wasn't looking at the fire, she was looking at me. Waiting. She had been waiting for me to come find her.

Tragically Beautiful: A lot of the time I want to reach up with both hands, curl my fingers around a handful of collar bone and just start ripping.

From The Ashes: After the fire we used our hands and later a rake to sift through the charred remains, searching for anything that could be salvaged. A letter here, a photo there.

Sidekick Wylet Takes A New Gig: My heart aches with the vulnerability of it all, of offering my daughter to the world. Because I know how it goes.

S + M and Max: Like removing a blood soaked towel from a gaping chest wound, it might be the end of me. I just kept trying to sop up the blood and get on with my day.

Cat Lady: It took three or four days of trying not to look at his empty chair before I voiced my fear to Serge. "Charlie hasn't been around lately." I said.

Like Magic: (PHOTOS)

How Does He Live With Me: I had started to view him through a mist of misplaced anger and resentment and if you're viewing someone from that mindset then of course your perception is broken and you will never see the forest for the trees...

Little Blue Charger: And although everything will be in its right place it will never, NEVER, feel as right as it does now.

Mornings In Green Acres: The first time Henry and I happened by she was resting under a tree while her babies grazed near the fence where we stopped to watch.

How Many Cats Does It Take To Make A Cat Lady?: A Cat Lady showdown. There I'll be when, suddenly, the unmistakeable odor of cat food ominously fills the air. The comfortable clattering of silverware ceases, forks held in midair as all conversation stops.

I Stroked My Beard Pensively While Writing This Post: I do remember thinking that it appeared like I had more facial hair than generally seems advisable on a woman but maybe I was noticing it because of the light

Psychological Warfare: And the child, she has upped the ante and presented me with psychological warfare the likes of which I had previously not known, not even during particularly epic battles with her dad.

Composed While Decomposing: Isn't that the definition of life; pretend like everything's cool when you really feel like freaking the fuck out. Just a full-on mental breakdown that only a straight-jacket and an injection can stop.

We, The People of Walmart: I will no longer snicker at your bared midriff in November, will no longer point out six inches of your exposed ass crack to my husband or marvel at the tattoo of Dog The Bounty Hunter that takes up the whole of your back because I am you and you are me and we are one together.