It's crucial, Serge'll tell you if you ask. But don't ask because the explanation will be rather long and tedious and involves the term "horse hair plaster". Me? I'd just slap on some paint and be done with that shit, pronto. But, you know, Serge spent the better part of four years doing this for a living so he wants to Do It Right, even though Doing It Right is something I don't usually do. He could also bore you to death with vast descriptions of Things Monica Doesn't Do Right including but not limited to putting lids back on things, driving, parenting, cooking and, well, this list is getting as long and boring as his ruminations on the horse hair plaster in the bathroom walls so I'm going to stop now.
We're hoping that after he sands and compounds joints, or whatever in hell he's got going on up there, we can paint. Maybe even as soon as tomorrow! And we've decided on a color. So which shade of green did we go with? Oh you. Green is SO last week.
This week it's all about slate. Serge had originally asked if I might like a blue bathroom and I said NO WAY. But that's when the suggestion was coming from Serge. Then a bunch of you suggested blue and it suddenly seemed like the way to go. Suddenly, the green samples we painted on the wall looked horrible and puke-like. Even the Granny Smith Apple that we thought we'd finally chosen. Then, sometime over the weekend, Serge declared slate was the way to go and I agreed. But, oh my God, do you know how many colors fall into the not-quite-blue but not-quite-gray spectrum? Stuff like Velvet Evening, Night Shade, Marine Magic... For a while I wondered what the Marines have to do with color and then I realized they meant marine as in sea life. Not the U.S. Marines. But damn I love reading the names of colors. I want that job! I want to be the person that looks at a new paint color and declares a name. There's this one grayish color called Myth. I like that. Myth.
We narrowed it down to six choices, which, admittedly doesn't seem very narrow, but when you see where we started it's spectacularly narrow. Oh, you thought when I mentioned we'd decided on a color we had chosen the actual color we'd be painting the bathroom? That's adorable but nay, my friend. Nay. If you haven't painted before you should know that deciding on the color is but the first step in a long, arduous process that could likely end in the demise of your marriage. Deciding on a color means you've decided on green. Or blue. Or yellow. After that comes the very intense process of deciding which shade of said color you'd like to stare at every day while peeing or brushing your teeth.
Anyway, like I said, we've finally whittled this shit down to six shades:
What's your favorite? Why? And don't you dare tell us you like green better than blue. I mean gray! Slate! I mean slate! Or shale. What is shale, anyway? Perhaps the coolest new name for Mormon boys in Utah? Daxton, Payton, Shale! Come inside now! It's time to read scriptures!
Seriously, just applaud the fact we've got her down to six choices and pick one of those or you will set us back days, months, years! And just, no. No. I need my bathroom back. I'd like to pee and not have to think about this horse hair plaster horseshit.