Latest Podcast

Follow on Bloglovin

Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
You can also find Monica's writing here:
Search The Girl Who
« The Fort | Main | While Watching A Kindle Commercial »
Tuesday
Sep142010

Upstaged

I meant to write about how we surprised Serge while he was fishing over the weekend. About how I had a sudden and exciting burst of second trimester energy, strapped Violet to my back and trudged through fields and rivers and lakes and streams. Even though I'm four months pregnant and prone to puking. STILL.

I was going to write about how I usually obsessively wonder where the nearest snake is at that very moment and how big he is but instead there were grasshoppers everywhere and I was horrified I might step on one and hear the creepy crunching I imagined they'd make. Then I got to thinking about how people eat grasshoppers in other parts of the world and I wondered what kind of creepy crunching they'd make in your mouth as opposed to beneath your shoes. This got me to thinking, for some reason, about eyeball juice. About how I could probably eat a grasshopper's spindly legs and wiry body but the thought of tiny grasshopper eyeballs exploding in my mouth was likely what would do me in, if, for some reason someone put a gun to my head and said Eat this grasshopper now or I will pull the trigger! Come on lady, NOW! I don't got all day!
It could happen!

But anyway. Exploding eyeball juice.

So I started to gag. Violently.

Which scared Violet so I pretended I was making growly animal noises and trying to get her so she laughed. And then she sang nonsensical things the whole rest of the way to the river.

I was going to tell you about how I usually lay around at home on the weekends, languishing on the couch like some overwrought southern belle from Civil War times and how I realized, for about the millionth time, that I feel so much better when I get out and about and do things and how easy it is to forget that when you're in the thick of being miserable, fat and pregnant.

I was going to write about how we finally made it to Serge's fishing spot and how he immediately whipped a couple fish out of the water to impress Violet. And the kid, she grabs hold of that fish, sticks her finger in its mouth and damn near tries to french kiss the thing before Serge gently slips it back into the rushing river. Instead of flipping and flopping the fish kind of relaxed into its Violet Smooch before darting off through the ice cold Rocky Mountain water.

I wanted to convey how thrilled I was that Violet liked the fish even though her mama doesn't really enjoy catching live animals with sharp hooks and then watching them flop around in a desperate attempt to find water.

I wanted to write about all these things but then I went and read this today. What have I got after that? Crunchy grasshoppers? Exploding eyeball juice and gagging?

Pretty much.

It's only twenty seconds. The laugh at seven seconds remaining so excellently sums up dad and fishing and Violet.

Reader Comments (9)

I love this! What wonderful memories your little family is making together.

(And I totally validate your aversion to crunchy grasshoppers. Ew, ew, ew.)

September 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichele

I enjoy reading each of your blogs. You are both exquisite, endearing writers. Thanks for sharing your memories. Happy Autumn!

September 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Sorry Mon, I did totally enjoy Serge's post, and all the time I was reading your's I knew you were gonna say what you said!! His laugh at 7 seconds creases me up!

September 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDan

Yes I love this also~ such a special moment captured perfectly

September 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiss A

grasshopper eyeballs! yikes!.For me it's those cave dwelling grasshopper thingys which resemble shrimps with antenn-eye...which lurk in places like just behind the shower curtain in the tub. ew ew ew!!

wow...this is one fishilicious tale, Monica. What a memory you created. One moments languishing on the couch to trekking through the tall grass, wretching over eyeballs... to a live fish in your daughter's hands! the timing is incredible, but what's most amazing is not the least bit afraid of that fish flopping around and actually lays hold of it...and she kisses it, you say... YIKES!

beautiful footage and sound!

September 15, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergina

grasshopper eyeballs! yikes!.For me it's those cave dwelling grasshopper thingys which resemble shrimps with antenn-eye...which lurk in places like just behind the shower curtain in the tub. ew ew ew!!

wow...this is one fishilicious tale, Monica. What a memory you created. One moments languishing on the couch to trekking through the tall grass, wretching over eyeballs... to a live fish in your daughter's hands! the timing is incredible, but what's most amazing that she's not the least bit afraid of that fish flopping around and actually lays hold of it...and she kisses it, you say... YIKES!

beautiful footage and sound!

September 15, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergina

loved this and yeah. serge got prose.

September 15, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteralex

just enough energy to say...i was here. i read. grasshoppers, eyeballs. gagging. serge. baby legs.

September 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermaggie may

Aren't weekends wonderful?!

September 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGina

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>