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Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
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Tuesday
Mar092010

Massively Passive

My passiveness is a trait I'm not quite sure about. On the one hand, I grew up with a mom who had no trouble giving folks the business if the situation required it, often to my great embarrassment. But she got what she wanted. Still does. I don't know if she started out that way or was forced into action because she was a single mom of four, working full-time for next to nothing. Either way, I didn't see her as a woman who just wanted what she paid for, I saw her as embarrassingly aggressive.

Perhaps that's why I am so passive when it comes to getting what I paid for and avoiding confrontation. Give me the wrong dinner? Oh well, I'll just eat what you brought me. Oh, I'll bitch about it, to be sure, but only to my fellow diners, never to the waiter that screwed up the order. Confrontation at work? I seem to be more concerned with offending someone or making sure that people like me than I am with being a proper manager. This is something I'm working on as this type of behavior is beginning to blow up in my face.

It's been a year and a half since I last got my hair colored. I had it darkened to brown a month before Violet was born so I wouldn't have to worry about maintaining it in the first few months of her life. Then I realized how much money I'd been wasting on blonde hair and just kept on with the brown. I like the brown well enough, but I just don't feel like myself. This feels like me. Except that is high maintenance hair and I'm over that. Over caring so much about a stupid hair color, over spending that much for a stupid hair color.

But I haven't felt like myself in such a long time. My body has changed, my hair is grayish brown and I have this acne that won't quit. Although I'm trying to save money I realized it all means nothing if I feel like shit every day. Feeling like shit doesn't just affect me. It affects Serge, how I relate to him, how I treat others and basically how I conduct myself throughout the day. Oh, it may be subtle. I may go months and months without consciously acknowledging it but it's always there dragging me down.

So yesterday I decided to color my hair for the first time in more than a year. I drove up to Salt Lake City and sat for three hours while my stylist (who I adore and who has always done a great job in the past) wrapped my head in foils. I'm no dummy, I brought a picture of Sarah Jessica Parker and Jennifer Aniston to illustrate the shade of dark blonde I was after. You know what I'm talking about: dark blonde, some honey tones and a few blonde wispies here and there.

My hair looks exactly the same. Oh, I can tell she colored it upon close inspection, but overall, it looks the same. Because my hair is long and thick it generally requires there times the amount of color the average woman requires so I end up paying through the nose. She charged me $125 (which is still half what those hair rapists charged in New York City) and I tipped her $25. A grand total of $150 for my mom not even to notice that I colored my hair. She did say my hair sucked up the toner more than she expected and that it should lighten after a few washes. So I didn't say anything about how it looked darker than I expected, I just tipped her and left.

As I drove home I dialed Serge to rage about how upset I was. When I arrived home he took one look at me and said "Oh I like it. It definitely looks darker." Poor sweet soul, only trying to be helpful. "DARKER?!" I raged. "I paid $150 to look like this!" I banged down a magazine picture of Jennifer Aniston's blondish hair. "I was going for lighter!" Serge was smart enough to shut up after that.

Here I sit, post lecture from mom and Serge about how I need to call up the salon and make her redo my hair. Honestly, I'd rather eat a bowl of toenail clippings and milk for breakfast. Serge's toenail clippings, even. Because as much as I know that I paid good money for something I didn't get, I dread even more being the whiny complainer who will then feel so awkward every time I visit the stylist for so much as a trim.

So I need your help. I will do what you tell me. Here is a before photo. Sorry it's not a better shot, but for reasons described above, I haven't been very into photographing myself lately.


Hold on, let me try and find a better before photo... This is all I could find which is strangely indicative of how I've felt about myself. I used to be into snapping shots of myself all the time. Makes me kind of sad now that I realize there aren't that many photos of me and Violet. Okay, yeah, so here's another before.


Here is the after photo:


AM I A PASSIVE WUSSY? HELP!

Reader Comments (73)

Monica, if someone "messed" with your daughter, you would probably get all mama bear on them. You would never allow anyone to treat her as less than anyone else, provide her with less service, give her less than she deserves. Your daughter will look to you as an exams of what to accept from the world around her. Would you want her to accept less than she is worth? Perhaps viewing things from that perspective will aid in your quest to be more self assured in such situations. Unfortunately, when it comes to business services, nice girls finish last. Don't accept less than you and your hard earned cash deserve. Never.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen Smith

Trust me, salons are used to getting calls from unsatisfied customers. Give her a call and just be honest. If she's worth a damn, she'll fix it.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterVeronice

Definitely give her a call. You don't have to be bitchy about it at all. Just say, it's not exactly light enough. I've had to do that a couple of times and I still have a great relationship with my hair stylist.=) You can do it!

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLyndsey

I can totally relate - I'm the girl who feels guilty telling a waiter there is a bug in my salad because I don't want them to feel bad, despite the fact that there is a BUG in my salad. I've also been in the same situation with hairstylists, and honestly, you should say something. Especially if you have a great relationship with your stylist - think of it this way, no matter how great the relationship is, if you don't say anything you'll forever be reminded of this and feel not quite the same towards her. So in the long run, it'll really help things. And in the short term? You'll have exactly what you used your hard-earned money to get!

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJess

She didn't say anything like "You know, I don't think that blonde will look good with your eyes/skin/etc?" She just didn't do it? Usually, they'll tell you why. And if it wasn't light enough when you were in the salon, why didn't you ask her to lighten it more right then and there? I've done that and my person has been fine with it. Because I'm like you, if I go home with it then I'm sticking with it because I don't want to be a bother. But if I say something right when it's going down, then it'll get fixed.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjeneria

You do look upset in that photo "after"...and I can totally understand why, I have been in that situation

I would definitively call and politely explain that you didn't say anything but you actually are very unhappy with the results ...very nice but it is not what you wanted / had asked for, so you would like to go back and have it fixed.

I would sound polite, calm and a little but upset...not screaming furious, as I am sure you will get a better response.

I have been in that kind of situation and they always said no problem whatsoever, come back and we'll fix it for you.

Don't let it ruin your life, just go and get it sorted! Good luck

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterP

You should TOTALLY call and get it fixed. Judging by the pictures, it really doesn't look different at all. I can understand why you didn't say anything at the salon if she told you it would likely lighten over time, but did you seriously pay 150 dollars so something could lighten over time? Call and get it fixed, she'll be fine with it!

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

If you are unhappy, call and get it fixed. It does look darker, but I do love it!

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterA

I like what Kathleen said - think of your actions being an example for your daughter. Do you really want her to be unsatisfied with something and bitch about it to those closest to her, rather than having her be strong and stand up for what's rightfully hers? Of course not.

I used to be like you, too, but after having my daughter I really have done my best to change my passive behavior. A couple years ago when my daughter was just over a year old, we were standing in line at the post office. There is a table where you can fill out forms, labels, etc. while you're standing in line (the table stretches down the length of the line) and I was filling out something with one hand while carrying my daughter with the other. A woman (a summer resident, no less - a "fudgie") entered the door behind me and promptly stepped right around me and cut me off in line! I was SO pissed - it was obvious that I was in line and I'm hanging onto a BABY...didn't she think I'd want to be out of there as quickly as possible? In my previous life, I'd have let it go, But holding a squirming one-year old in your arms changes things. So, after stewing about it for a few seconds, I caught her eye and pointed behind me and said, "The line starts BACK THERE." She gave a little, "Humph!" but she moved to the back of the line. I was very proud of myself for my assertive behavior. Since then, I've done my best to assert myself where I need to, but it is SO hard to overcome my passive tendencies.

What I've realized, though, is that my passiveness comes from fear. Fear of what, I'm not sure. People's reactions? People not liking me? Maybe this is what holds you back, too. I've thought about this a lot, and as I've gotten older, I've learned to care less about what people think. I've discovered that people admire you more for sticking up for yourself than they do for not saying anything when the situation warrants it. So with this in mind, and thinking also about setting an example for my daughter (be assertive, dammit!), I'm learning to push aside my fear.

Getting back to your original question, if this were me, I would call the hairdresser and say something like, "I'm really embarrassed to be calling you about this because I'm just not a complainer....but I'm really not at all happy with how my hair turned out. My mom and my husband didn't even notice that I'd gotten my hair colored. What can you do to fix it?" or, "I'd really like you to fix it." Put the ball in her court and see what her response is. But BE ASSERTIVE and get what you want from her, which is for her to fix your hair without charging you!

Not feeling like yourself is a whole other topic that I won't go into much because this is already WAY too long! But I think it comes from being a mom. Life changes, our bodies change, and our priorities change. It's taken me three years to really be concerned enough about myself to really make a concerted effort to get back into shape. But Monica, you're truly beautiful no matter what your hair color is. You're model-gorgeous as a blonde, but you have a much more natural beauty as a brunette. So either way, you rock!!!

PS I'm really sorry about the length of this...just wanted to ramble today, I guess...

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHanni

I'll second (or "seventh") what everyone else has said, go back and get it done the way you want, for all of the reasons given.

To the larger point however, you need to get it done for you. I like that you've buckled down and are really being responsible with your finances. You have to ask though, why am I doing all of this? If it's for anything other than for improving your overall quality of life for you and your family, then it's for the wrong reason. I don't mean a bunch of materialistic shit added to your life, but real quality of life: more time, more freedom, less stress, and feeling good about yourselves.

If a blonde, slightly wind-swept Monica is your self image, you have the freedom to maintain that; no questions, no judgement. You've taken steps to recapture something that makes you happy, and you got ripped off (so to speak) - you spent good money for a service, not rendered. Go get you some lightened hair, and get back to feeling good about yourself. You've denied yourself so much lately (my God, how long since your last diet coke?), don't let this one go.

Waiting for the after pics II

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGreg

Call her. Not only do you owe it to yourself, you actually owe it to HER.

I'm not a hairstylist, but a designer and photographer, so I've been in similar situations creating something for a client and hoping they love it. Believe me, it's OBVIOUS when a Client isn't thrilled with what you've given them. So she probably knows you weren't happy. But nothing's more frustrating than a client who won't tell you that they had something different in mind, because then it robs you of the opportunity to fix it, and make your client happy. Which is, I'm sure, what your stylist wants! She WANTS you to be happy with your hair and WANTS you to come back and WANTS you to tell your friends to go to her also.

You'll never do that if you stay unsatisfied.

So just call up, be sweet, and be honest. Nobody would ever blame you or be frustrated with you for that. I mean, there's a big difference in being gracious and polite in asking for what you deserve and being bitchy. I'm sure she'll very much appreciate the call back from you. :)

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

I think part of being fiscally responsible is making sure that the dollars you DO decide to spend are worthwhile, and thought the lighting is quite different is the before/after photos, and while you can see some bits of colour, your hair does not look at all like what you were asking for. So I would call, awkward as it may be.

Because you know what? My hair lightens over time too. When I go outside and get the sun. And that is free. I say blame it on Serge. Tell the stylist that you weren't quite sure about it, but then you got home and your husband remarked on your darker hair. Which she knows was supposed to be lighter. Mission not accomplished!

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterms. mildred

Girl, call them up and say you are not happy with it. They get these calls ALL THE TIME. Speak your mind!

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMrsLisaP

The last time my hair was highlighted (by a colorist who's been doing it for many years), it came out too dark. Not as dark as yours, but too brown in spots where blonde was called for. I went back to the salon, told her that I wasn't happy, and that was that. More blonde and not a single gripe from the colorist. You paid good money and didn't get your money's worth. Now the ball is in your court.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarole

I think my hair stylist is afraid of me. You see when you can't change anything in your life, you can always change your hair. I am sort of anal about my hair. I use salon hair products, it's about the only name brand thing I own! But my stylist asks me a million times if I like it, and I inspect my hair very closely before I leave, just a little more over here or there. She is super good to me and doesn't ever get upset! So I say call her, be nice, and I am sure she will apologize and having you come back asap to get it fixed. Good luck!

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Oh I am so like that; I don't like to complain about anything. I had a similar situation recently with hair color. The first time I asked to have it fixed my hair stylist was really nice about it and did it for free because she guarantees her work, but the time after that she put in highlights and it turned out way, way too blonde, and I just lived with it and hated it for months before finally coloring it myself. You have options - you can either live with it and hate it, color it yourself, or tell her it's not what you wanted and ask her what she can do to fix it. I'm sure you're not the first person to call her and ask to have something fixed or changed, and a good stylist would want you to be happy with her work.

As for body changes and not feeling like yourself, that just comes along with motherhood. My kids are 24 and 21 now so I've gone through all that and am watching my daughter go through it now. She has two little boys and just opened a home daycare, but she's finding ways to make time for herself and I can tell that helps her a lot. If coloring your hair makes you feel more like YOU, then it's definitely worth it to get it right. Good luck!

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBailey

redo!!!!!!

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBecca

That sucks.

Nobody wants to do a crappy job, so I'm sure she'd welcome the opportunity to make sure you are happy.

She may not realize just how bad it is and off from you want, so tell her. You will feel better.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMsAmanda

Call her up Monica. Tell her that it looks darker than it did before you went there and that you really wanted blonde, like the pictures you showed her, and that it hasn't lightened up at all. Say that you are really unhappy with it, but say it in a friendly way. I bet she will fix it and you will feel a million times better about yourself and about her.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

No, I'm sorry, but your hair looks no different. And there are nice, polite ways to let her know you're not happy. And if she is a good stylist, she'd much rather you come to her and let her fix it than lose you as a customer. But it is absolutely NOT $150 worth of coloring. It needs to be redone. You can do it! Good luck!!

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca Hansen

I had to do this once, but my stylist made my hair BLACK. she told me it would lighten to a dark brown in a few washes but it didn't. After my 4th wash (about a week and a half later) I was very annoyed but mostly panicked because I was not into looking like a pale emo chick and it was doing nothing for my skin tone. So after a pep talk or two from some of my friends I call my stylist and the conversation went something like this:

Me: Hi, ummm. So my hair is still really dark and I was wondering if there is some way that I could... um, have it lightened a little bit. but i can't pay for it? (i made the last part a question, i can still hear myself saying that - ah! embarassing!)
Stylist: OMG, totally. When can you come in? I'm not going to charge you for that!

I found out while I was there (my stylist was VERY NICE during the whole visit and all subsequent visits) that most salons have a policy that if you aren't happy within two weeks of your visit that you can come back and they have to fix it for free.

and on top of that, i've had other stylists tell me that coloring is hard and they don't want to freak people out by a color job that didn't come out the way they expected, so sometimes they wait for the customer to say if it is too dark or too light because sometimes the customer actualy likes the "mistake". I REALLY don't think your stylist will be upset at all.

you paid for it, she should make you happy. Any stylist worth their salt will bend over backwards to keep their customers happy and not get their panties in a wad over it either!

Deep breaths! You can do it!

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCharlotte

Oh no...call the salon. Get what you paid for. I've done that twice. It's almost like stylists like to decide what we want! Good luck!

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTania

I would wait a couple of days then call and tell her that it did not lighten up like she said it might. Request an appointment to fix it. Before she starts work, say something like, "I'm not being charged for this, am I?" If she says yes, ask why. She could throw in some highlights (tell her if you want the highlights thin or chunky and make sure she at least frames your face and puts a few throughout your whole head. It would make a huge difference. And hair color is not stupid, it's the fastest, cheapest way to feel better about yourself -- if it's done right. If it's not, you have to go back until you're happy or switch salons. You can be sure that the salon owner does not want you to take your thick, long hair someplace else.

I tried to save money by not coloring my hair but I figured that I am worth it. Instead of going to the salon with my thick, long blonde hair, I color it myself. When I first started, I colored it three times in a week, was afraid my hair would fall out, but I called the number on the box and they talked me through protecting/moisturing my hair beforehand.

Whenever I do big grocery shopping, I check to see if the good brands are on sale, then I look for a manufacturer's coupons. (I save hundreds of dollars buying stuff I need on sale and using manufacturer's coupons. It's easy to clip and keep coupons. My mother and I share our stock of coupons.). I get the boxes of hair color for next to nothing, and once you find brands you like, it's so easy. Don't bother with the cheap brands, they can be a nightmare.

You can also go to a beauty supply store, talk to somebody who works there and ask what products you'll need.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJoAnne

first of all, I CAN RELATE! i always just suck it up and say "oh well, i'll just save another $200 and get it redone in another six months" and then put it in a ponytail every day until then. but you know what? i worked f'n hard for that money. have her redo it again. my cousin does it all the time. they're used to it, plus, it looks nothing like those photos you provided. i'm getting mine done tomorrow, going in for something totally different. scared shitless.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlynda

Oh My God, Your Cheekbones Are Amazing!!!

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEllaNora

First, GORGEOUS hair. I have the same hair, but super fine. Not as gorgeous. :O)

I am exactly the same as you, avoid confrontation, yet bitch to those I know. Here's my opinion:

I can see some lightening around the face. And it looks good. Since I know nothing about hair science, I would give it the few days she recommended, and see if it does lighten as she said it would. If it doesn't, just give her a call, say you're a little bit disappointed with the darkness, and could you come back for her to take a look at your hair.

She'll know what you want. She wants you to be happy. That's why she does this.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

dude! go there and kick their ass!!!

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

No way. Stand up for yourself. You can do it and not be a bitch. Show them the pics. That's a lot of money for you and you deserve to have it done right. Go for it. Please. You'll feel better.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermk

Uuuuh, it looks darker to me. Call and have her fix it!!! Once my genius hair guy was trying a new brand of highlights on me and I ended up looking like a circus tent. I went back 2 days later and told him oh hell no!

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Dude, no. Take it from someone who learned pretty early in life being assertive and getting what you deserve/paid for while risking being thought of as pushy/bitchy is WAY WAY WAY better than putting up with bad service you don't deserve. The resentment will eat away at your much more than feeling a little embarrassed. Besides, it's your stylist who should feel embarrassed. You paid good money for lighter hair and that's not what you got. I mean, you look fine, but not happy. Hair is one of those things I'm willing to spend a little money on. I learned that being broke. I can skimp on a lot of stuff, but a bad hair cut or color is never worth saving a few bucks. It just totally affects how you feel about yourself. Call up your stylist and go get that blond that's gonna make you feel better again. You deserve it.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercitywendy

Call. You paid $150 to feel better. I understand I do the same thing. I wait and wait and then I can't take it so I cave in and get my hair done. It'll be so worth the effort for you to feel good in the long run. You don't have to be mean about it. There is nice assertiveness : ) Just mention how you washed it and it looks the same and if she could fix it for you. Done.
Your hair always looks great by the way.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy S (OH)

After having looked at SJP's photo that you posted, I think its about the same as yours. But Jennifer Aniston's is quite a bit lighter. I think I'm with everyone else who says call your stylist/colorist. You are obviously not too happy with it.

When you are happy with your hair and all your friends go, "great color. who did it?" then that's good advertising for your stylist. If you hate it and it's not what you asked for then that's bad advertising for her, especially to those closest to you who know which stylist you go to.

So go see her and tell her what you want. What's the worst that could happen? she doesn't fix it? Then you find a new stylist. Simple as that.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

Tell her it didn't lighten up after a few washes like she said it would! Not bitchy at all, just letting her know it didn't do what she said it would do! Good luck!!!!

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercdawnh

Your hair is beautiful, but I aggree that it looks darker.. get a redo!!

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEm

definitely call her up if you feel bad about it or you know I'd would stop driving back from work and ask what can "we" do to lighter a bit because it's not what you want to :) I think she knows some easy tricks to make your color better, good luck! yes, you can!!! :)

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterana_jo

I don't really see a big change in your hair color. I'm one of those people who can be uncomfortable speaking up, so I get why it's so hard for you to make the call.
But you'll spend less emotional energy if you go ahead and discuss it w/ her, rather than letting your frustration build up. I'm sure she would want to know if you weren't satisfied.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChrissy

monica,

You are a passive wussy. Call the hair girl and get it fixed. Seriously DO NOT FEEL BAD or awkward. You paid for a service which you were not happy with AND did not receive. That's your hard earned money. I know you didn't think lightly about spending that much money on your hair. What if....what if it were a new appliance that wasn't right? I'm sure you wouldn't hesitate to return it!

You spent $150.00 to lighten you hair. It's not light so stop bitching and go back and have it fixed. You will be HAPPY. You will feel stronger. Have a little confidence and Good luck.

:)

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterabt

Here's an opportunity for you to practice speaking up (it's hard for lots of us)! I would suggest that you call your stylist and just explain that you were aiming for a lighter shade; my inkling is that she would rather have to fix it than have you unhappy.

I do think that blond hair really suits you.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Absolutely, I concur with all before me, go and get it redone. I am also far too passive at times, and I take it out on the businesses by not going back. That doesn't help them much, and it doesn't help you because you're always having to try and find new places.

Definitely call them up!

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I love, love, love this picture of you:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/monicabielanko/215197137/in/set-72157594236790047/

If I were in your situation - (If you can get a hold of a colored printer), print out that photo in the link above and take it with you. Maybe explain to the stylist that you're on a tight budget but really miss your old hair color, and you're also unhappy with how the last dye job came out. Then sit down with the stylist and work out a plan on how to get your hair back to Blonde Monica -- I know nothing about coloring, but it may take a few sessions to strip your darker hair back to that gorgeous blond? The stylist will definitely want to correct your last dye job for free; imagine yourself in her shoes, with an unhappy customer. She'd want to know, and fix it!

Once she fixes the last dye job, she can perhaps help you figure out how much it will cost to gradually go back to your gorgeous previous blond, so that you can plan the expenses accordingly, and fit them into your budget. And I really think you deserve it, Monica. A woman needs to feel beautiful, and as long as you're not going into debt over your hair, I really believe this is a splurge you should allow yourself.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

break up with your colourist...it's hard but you need to start over, it does look darker.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercd

you just look so sad. if i had half your looks...well, i'm just sayin'. okay, i don't really know what i'm saying, but you look absolutely stunning blonde or brunette. you said you went to your longtime stylist, so i'm sure she won't take it personally. i am an absolute pussy myself, though, so totally get where you're coming from. i'm sure she'll take it just fine, though. i'm sure she wants a satisfied client just as much as you want what you paid for.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterchristine

Um. Go back. Explain. cry if you have to. She obviously didn't do it right, regardless of whether or not your hair sucks up a ton of toner. You shouldn't have to repay and if you are a satisfied customer, they know you will be back. I wouldn't say it looks darker. It kinda looks redder. And while I like the way it looks it is totally not what you asked for.

Or, you could go get some Feria or L'oreal at Target and do it yourself.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Domestic Goddess

Formerly being a passive person myself (it's the whole Mormon nice girl thing) I think you will feel surprisingly liberated once you do begin to stand up for yourself. I found that once I did I began to be respected more and maybe that's just cuz I respected myself more and people can sense that. And it's not about being a bitch, although sometimes that is called for, it's about not being taken advantage of. You are tougher than you think, you can do it.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDanielle

Well everyone has already said this but a good stylist would fix it for free. I would give it a few days to see if it does actually lighten and if not, call her up. It does look darker and it is gorgeous as is but in no way does it resemble the pictures.

I recently highlighted my hair again after nearly two years of trying not to in order to save money. And I have to say, everytime I look in the mirror, I'm so much happier with the reflection. It's silly and it drives me bonkers that I buy into it but damn if I don't look better as a blonde and I've decided it is worth it.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjen

Get it fixed love, you paid the money (a LOT of money), you deserve to get what you wanted, asked and paid for.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterA-C

You don't look or sound happy at all, so OF COURSE you should definitely call her. Don't think too much about what she might think of you or this or that. Just call and be confident and firm. She's probably not losing any sleep about what you might think of her. Besides, it's not personal. She's a professional and was not able to achieve any approximation of what you wanted.

Heck, I can call and pretend I'm you. hahaha..

But, for what it's worth, it doesn't look bad at all! Dark hair looks cool with your eyes..

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterleyla

You should go back. I hate confrontation in this way too, but your hair doesn't look any different and you paid a lot of money for a change. NFW should you let this go. Like everyone said, you don't have to be a bitch about it, but come on. And I think your stylist would rather make you happy by doing it over versus losing you as a client forever. At least that's what my hair stylist friend says.

March 9, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkds

If it was me, and I didnt get want I wanted,
I would call and explain that I really would like her to fix it.
You are the customer, you are the one that needs to be satisfied,
Asking for what you need and deserve is not complaining.
Dont trip on i,t just be honest.
Your stylist will understand.

March 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commentershuga

First off, as I read the first part of your post -- about your mom being 'aggressive,' and you being passive then bitching to your friends -- I was tempted to look over my shoulder. Have you been spying on me?! I am EXACTLY the same! It's funny, my siblings and I have talked about how, even though it was CRAZY-embarrassing and so many times I just wanted my mom to BE QUIET and accept whatever it was at the moment...she usually got what she wanted, and it was usually better, and we all benefitted. I'm trying to find a balance between not being afraid to ask, and not being insanely pushy...not there yet :)

Anyway, this reminds me of the time I went to a new hairstylist (after calling the salon beforehand to check the price), and when they rang me up it was TWICE what they'd told me on the phone! So -- you guessed it -- instead of saying anything, I paid it and left...and cried all the way home. I told myself that stylist shouldn't be cheated just because the receptionist screwed up...but now I kick myself for not at least saying something about it, regardless of whether or not they had reduced the bill.

Call her. She's not going to be mad at you. She wants you to love your hair -- don't think of it as you calling to criticize her work -- and she will want to fix it for you. She may ask you to wash it a couple more times and make sure it doesn't lighten on its own, or she may tell you to come right in. Either way, you won't be the first person to call her about something like this, and you certainly won't be the last.

Can't wait to hear what you decide to do...and to see the "after" shots!

PS I have to admit, I can see why Serge said darker when you got home...it actually does look darker in the after photo!

March 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. Sitcom

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