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Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
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Am I Pain's Bitch?

I haven't slept much. I am navigating through life in a haze of work/home/work/home and oh yeah! You need to buy a shitload of stuff for people for Christmas and also Serge's birthday is this Sunday and remember you haven't even begun to set up Kid B's room yet.


I did manage to chronicle yesterday's little pregnancy scare for anyone who wants to clicky-clicky and read over at Babble. Am I pain's bitch or is something really wrong here:
The black of night brought with it dark thoughts. What if something is really wrong? But I can feel him kicking. What if he’s kicking because something’s really wrong? I’ll be at the doctor in hours, I can wait. Still, if something is really wrong I’ll never forgive myself for not calling the doctor or going to the hospital. Maybe it’s indigestion. I did eat a lot of spaghetti. But the cramping started way before the spaghetti. Have I pooped today? I can’t remember if I’ve pooped today. Maybe it’s constipation. Maybe my little guy is pinching my innards? Does that even happen? Maybe his foot is pressing on one of my nerves? Maybe his umbilical cord is tangled and he’s gasping for breath?
That's what I'm babbling about today.