Most every day I load Violet into our SUV to meet up with Serge in the parking lot of the news station where I work. The Violet Shuffle. He's just getting off work and I'm going in. We generally roll up to the station at different times and end up waiting a few minutes for the other to arrive.
I prep Violet to see her pop like Mickey gearing Rocky Balboa up for the big fight with that one guy. Or that other guy. The Russian one. "Where's daddy? Can you see daddy?" She looks so hard, craning her neck, by the time we actually pull up next to her old man she's nearly screaming with delight.
So this afternoon we're on the freeway, I glance over and there's Serge, keeping pace with us in his car, grinning away like a cheshire cat. I don't know what it is about seeing someone you know on the freeway, especially when you're going to meet up with them in just a few seconds, but there it is. It's just kind of exciting, no? Like running into a friend while on vacation or something. Kind of. But anyway.
"Look Violet, there's daddy!"
She looks out the window and begins screaming and waving. Serge is so thrilled by her reaction that he's hanging halfway out the window waving back. I mean, seriously. He's grinning so big the corners of his lips are touching his earlobes and he's waving so hard he could land planes and shit.
As a result, he ends up keeping pace with us longer than he deems safe. Remember now, this is the guy that taped black foam around our fireplace in case Violet trips in the vicinity. So right now, as he's keeping pace with us at 70 miles an hour on the freeway, I can see he's torn. On the one hand he wants to please Violet more than anything, on the other hand OH MY GOD THE DANGER! THE UNBELIEVABLE DANGER! THIS CAN'T BE SAFE! MONICA IS GOING TO CRASH! SHE CAN'T POSSIBLY DRIVE NEXT TO ME AT THE SAME SPEED! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! AND ALSO? SALMONELLA AND BOTULISM! THE THREAT IS REAL, PEOPLE!
I can see the nervousness written all over his face which of course excites me even more because I love nothing better than messing with him, testing his limits. Like that one time when we hiked a frozen snow slide in a nearby canyon. There I was, scaling icy cliffs as city boy held tightly to a downed tree and begged me to come back down because THIS CAN'T BE SAFE!
Like, seriously? Aren't you supposed to be a carefree rock'n'roll dude that snorts coke off the asses of sexy groupies and beds beguiling babes on the road?
Ultimately his safe side (of course) wins out and Serge taps his breaks to signal that this? This little freeway reunion is over and I should focus on the road and continue on ahead. Instead of doing that I tap my breaks so we slow up with Serge. Then I yell to Violet, "Look Violet, there's daddy!" Now we're driving next to each other again and Violet's grinning and waving. How can he resist?
The conflict in Serge's face makes me giggle evilly.
He's waving at Violet but I can tell he's no longer into it. He's got to focus on the road! Ten and two dammit!
So he tries to slow down and let us go ahead again. And I slow down again, forcing him to divide his time between Violet and the road while wondering if I'm going to crash in a fiery ball of wreckage. Just to fuck with him, of course.
What? It's how I get my kicks. Tomorrow I'm going to put an opened can of peaches in the fridge because oh my god, to hear Serge tell it we'll all be dead from Botulism by Monday.
See? Isn't this fun?