Good morning! Actually, I mean GOOD MORNING! I have been waiting for today in much the same way I used to anticipate Christmas as a youngster.
Today we find out if we are having a boy or a girl! SO much better than seeing a shiny, red ten speed parked next to the Christmas tree. Remember ten speeds?
I can try and be all cool and nonchalant about it but omigod, omigod, omigod I am so excited! Like, this is one of the biggest things I'll ever find out in life, you know? I am going to know this little being forever and ever. My mind reels back to learning Violet was a girl and now she's this giant toddler type person who yells at me and bites my hand in the produce aisle at Walmart. Oh my, the wonder of life.
But seriously! How do people wait for the birth to find out this kind of thing? Did you wait? I tried last time around and couldn't do it. I gotta know! I mean, it's a surprise either way, right? A surprise now or then and I kind of want to get stuff ready. Okay, not really, that's just a bullshit line because really I just want to know as soon as possible as I have about as much patience as a nine months pregnant lady in line for the restroom at Disneyland. Which is to say I have zero patience which, as you know, makes me an excellent backseat driver. Just ask Serge.
So. You guys. Let's meet back here in the afternoon for an update? In the meantime, wish me luck on holding in all my pee for the next hour or so. For some reason it helps the ultrasound technician look at the person in my stomach. Probably it doesn't and they're just fucking with all the pregnant ladies but whatever. Just tell me whether the person in my stomach has a penis or a vagina and I'm happy. It might be a sister for Violet! Or oh my gosh, you guys! THERE MIGHT BE A PENIS IN MY BODY RIGHT NOW!
Okay, that's kind of weird.
Still! Meet back here later and I'll tell you if there's a penis in my body!
The ultrasound technician was hilariously evil, making us wait until the very last second while he methodically measaured every little appendage, declared the baby healthy and the due date of February 25th still good.
Finally, FINALLY when I thought I might pee all over the table from nerves and a very full bladder he asked me what I thought I was having. "We-ell, I think it's a boy", I said. "But I thought that last time and I was wrong." He was looking at me with a kind of half grin and I said "Why, do you already know what it is?" He promptly said yes and began swirling the thing on my tummy some more. "See. See there?"
Now let me take a moment to tell you that I can never see a damn thing during ultrasounds. For an hour in there he's pointing out kidneys and shoulders and fingers and toes and Serge is sagely nodding his head like he's just completed his own Master's degree in sonograms and I lay there like an idiot. "I think I see it. I'm not sure."
Honestly, the only time I know what the hell I'm looking at is when I see the spine, because hello, who can mistake a spine?
So anyway, the technician is grinning like a fool and points to a black spot between two appendage looking things and says "See there. See? Do you know what you're having now?" And I look and I don't see a damn thing and since I don't see a damn thing I say "A girl? I'm having a girl!"
He smiles then laughs. "Nope."
Turns out THERE IS A PENIS IN MY BODY AT THIS VERY MOMENT! I saw it!
Serge is already saying it looks unusually large and the technician wisely agreed.