Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
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Tuesday
Oct052010

There Might Be A Penis In My Body Right Now!

Good morning!  Actually, I mean GOOD MORNING!  I have been waiting for today in much the same way I used to anticipate Christmas as a youngster. 

Today we find out if we are having a boy or a girl! SO much better than seeing a shiny, red ten speed parked next to the Christmas tree.  Remember ten speeds? 

I can try and be all cool and nonchalant about it but omigod, omigod, omigod I am so excited!  Like, this is one of the biggest things I'll ever find out in life, you know?  I am going to know this little being forever and ever.  My mind reels back to learning Violet was a girl and now she's this giant toddler type person who yells at me and bites my hand in the produce aisle at Walmart.  Oh my, the wonder of life.

But seriously!  How do people wait for the birth to find out this kind of thing?  Did you wait?  I tried last time around and couldn't do it.  I gotta know!  I mean, it's a surprise either way, right?  A surprise now or then and I kind of want to get stuff ready.  Okay, not really, that's just a bullshit line because really I just want to know as soon as possible as I have about as much patience as a nine months pregnant lady in line for the restroom at Disneyland.  Which is to say I have zero patience which, as you know, makes me an excellent backseat driver.  Just ask Serge.

So.  You guys.  Let's meet back here in the afternoon for an update?  In the meantime, wish me luck on holding in all my pee for the next hour or so.  For some reason it helps the ultrasound technician look at the person in my stomach.  Probably it doesn't and they're just fucking with all the pregnant ladies but whatever.  Just tell me whether the person in my stomach has a penis or a vagina and I'm happy.  It might be a sister for Violet!  Or oh my gosh, you guys!  THERE MIGHT BE A PENIS IN MY BODY RIGHT NOW! 

Okay, that's kind of weird.

Still!  Meet back here later and I'll tell you if there's a penis in my body!

*****

The ultrasound technician was hilariously evil, making us wait until the very last second while he methodically measaured every little appendage, declared the baby healthy and the due date of February 25th still good. 

Finally, FINALLY when I thought I might pee all over the table from nerves and a very full bladder he asked me what I thought I was having.  "We-ell, I think it's a boy", I said.  "But I thought that last time and I was wrong."  He was looking at me with a kind of half grin and I said "Why, do you already know what it is?"  He promptly said yes and began swirling the thing on my tummy some more.  "See.  See there?"

Now let me take a moment to tell you that I can never see a damn thing during ultrasounds.  For an hour in there he's pointing out kidneys and shoulders and fingers and toes and Serge is sagely nodding his head like he's just completed his own Master's degree in sonograms and I lay there like an idiot.  "I think I see it.  I'm not sure." 

Honestly, the only time I know what the hell I'm looking at is when I see the spine, because hello, who can mistake a spine? 

So anyway, the technician is grinning like a fool and points to a black spot between two appendage looking things and says "See there.  See?  Do you know what you're having now?"  And I look and I don't see a damn thing and since I don't see a damn thing I say "A girl?  I'm having a girl!"

He smiles then laughs.  "Nope."

Turns out THERE IS A PENIS IN MY BODY AT THIS VERY MOMENT!  I saw it! 

Serge is already saying it looks unusually large and the technician wisely agreed.

Reader Comments (44)

Okay, now you're making me wonder how many of those ultrasound techs get peed on. (In my first sonogram I was concentrating more on not peeing than I was on looking at the picture of the little bean-shaped thing in my uterus.) I'm thinking it's not negligible. I would say they kind of deserve it, since bladder control is one of the most infuriating things about pregnancy, but it's probably not their fault.

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

I think it's awesome to be able to find out in advance. Can't wait to hear the results!

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjeneria

Oh the drinking of so much water and then not being able to pee...it is worse torture than waiting to find out. Can't wait for you to find out!

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjen

I didn't find out with either of mine - didn't want to spoil the "it's a girl/boy" moment at birth! (plus it's kind of a cultural thing...) but I'm always super excited to find out what anyone else is having... good luck and look forward to hearing news later! :-)

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

I never understood why people waited to find out the gender?! Intact it BUGS me. Good Luck today!

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea Migliaccio

At my ultrasound, my bladder was so full the tech couldn't see anything, said I was "squishing the little guy". HA! Then she let me go to the bathroom. Showed you Ultrasound tech!

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

When my first was born we weren't allowed to find out gender, then with my second we found out. With my last one we tried to find out but he was not letting us check out the goods. I much prefer to know and in my case, get over the dissappointment of never getting my little girl. GOOOOOD LUCK!!! A friend of mine actually had her US streaming live and she gave us a link so we could find out what she was having right along with her. Now that is cool since she's in Nashville and I'm all the way up in Canada!

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChantel

OMG me too! Grammy Marian, sitting here in Central PA...waiting to hear about our new teeny precious baby.. Bless your hearts! love you both.

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGrammy Marian

I plan on waiting to find out. There are so few surprises left in the world. I can pick out what color seat belts I want in my car, if I want. Everything is so personalized and planned, that it seems like an honest surprise would be refreshing. Might be outvoted by the husband, though :-/

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterchristine

I LOVE the title of this post! I am very excited for you....takes me back to when we decided to find out the sex of our kids. (SO glad we got one of each...it meant we could stop procreating).
Lots of luck today! Hope holding in your pee worked, maybe you should have gotten a Depends pad just in case. :)

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnjie B.

My fingers are crossed for you that your little person cooperates today! SO EXCITING! Can't wait to hear the news.

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKate

Can't wait to hear the good news!

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichele

They're fucking with you girl! I didn't have to drink a gallon and hold it with my last two. Sonogram turned out just fine. My DR. at Alta said they don't make the mothers do that anymore...sorry, that doesn't help does it. Good news is it's 1:00pm so you might be done by now!?! Yay Ultrasounds are so fun!

We found out the gender at around 20 weeks with all four. After having three boys in a row however, I was reluctant to get my hopes up with the fourth until I saw my baby girl on the outside of my body and knew for sure. I remember saying "She really IS a girl"!

ps We're moving back home tomorrow, so I'll never get to have a celebrity sighting of the Bielanko's at Wal-Mart or Liberty Park<--- I'm totally serious. I had my fan greeting all planned out...Oh well, packing our shit up and loading up an ABF Truck (call and say you were referred to them by Pods - save $500) and getting the hell outta here. So long smoggy Utah, hello fresh air Michigan! (also, so long happy sunshine, hello depression inducing grey)

xo

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen W.

CONGRATULATIONS!

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStacey

Congrats :) You guys are so nuclear!

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterchristine

A boy! A boy! Congratulations! Now let's talk about names.

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNothing But Bonfires

Yeah! I am so happy for you!

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAriel

They won't tell you in Canada anymore. Well, I don't know about all of Canada, but they won't tell you in British Columbia because it isn't "medically necessary."

Congratulations! :)

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShauna (Fido & Wino)

I don't think they tell you in Alberta either, unless like Shauna said, it's "medically necessary". Though I've heard that you can go to a private ultrasound place and find out. That's how it was when I was preg with Jess 11 years ago. We couldn't see the sex of the baby either because the tech said its legs were closed. And my husband pipes up, "well it must be a girl, its got its legs closed just like its mother". To which I replied, "well I'm in this situation aren't I?"

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

Mazel Tov!

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Hooray! Congrats!

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichele

Yay! Great news! A baby brother for Violet!

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKate

Congratulations!

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

Congratulations!!!! How exciting!!!! That was really fun to read.

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkds

Congrats!!

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

Sweet Jeeezus! Now you guys are Even Steven.
Congratulations! Boys are a total kick in the pants. You will have years of fun ahead with your two kiddos!
Shannon

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

Awesome, you guys! Now Violet will have a little brother to beat up on (I always think it's better if the sister is older)! What a fun time...so happy for you.

Jen W....where are you moving to in Michigan??

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHanni

Oh Mama you are going to LOVE having a boy! Congratulations!

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia

Wohoo! A boy! Congrats! I have three, and a girl. And let me tell you, I never really liked boys until I met my three felons, er I mean fellows. I love them despite the fact that they are going to grow up to be men.

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCandi

A boy!!! Hooray! So happy for you both.

I guess that means my baby name choice of 'Ramona' is out now....

October 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChrissy

Yeah, lets hear the baby girl names you had chosen now that you don't need em anymore??

October 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDan

Congratulations! So excited for you!

October 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterchristine from canada

Congratulations!! As an older sister with a younger brother, I can tell you now it rocks! I'm so proud of my baby brother, he's awesome and I'm pretty sure Violet will feel the same way too!

October 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNicerinNice

so cool, [ I'm saying it as older sister and knowing that younger brother can be pain in the ass too :)] they're gonna be a great team, I bet, and I'm saying again and again I love how you describe feelings which are know so well to me tool, thanks, you make me laugh loudly reading this, congrates parents!

ps. I still marvel myself how to be a mum of a boy, it's gonna be a challenge, isn't it? :)

October 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteranajo

that is so awesome! it think having at least one boy and one girl, at least for us, helps even things out a bit. i mean, obviously, you'd be good either way, but it's just so great to love a daughter AND a son.

when we found out our triplets were BBG, i asked the technician how she knew.

"see those little extensions poking out from between the legs on Baby A and Baby B? they're penises."

i stuck my chest out like a peacock (no pun intended) and turned to my wife w/ my hand held in the awkward position one holds it when waiting for a high five. (never got one).

"you're damn straight it is," i answered to the chagrin of my wife. "those little guys can drop the HAMMA" i added for good measure.

my wife thought it was embarrassing, but i assured her we all got a little red-raced when confronted with such a startling display of virility.

anyway, congrats, again! that's so great.

October 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjohn cave osborne

OMG this post makes me want to be pregnant again so bad. Congratulations!

October 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commentereve

A son! I am so happy for you guys ! Ah, I woulda been equally thrilled if it was a girl.

Now you can say " my son" .... "Eat your meat, my son, that you may grow big and strong, like Ox."

Congratulations!

October 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergina

Congratulations!

October 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDaycare Lady

You're having a boy! Congratulations! Can't wait to read this next chapter of your life. Thank you as always for sharing.

October 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

so since you will not be using the girl name, tell us, which one did you like?

October 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermiriam

That reminds me of a story a friend told me- she was all full of her 1.5Litres (half a gallon i think) of water getting poked at by the sonographer when he told her that her bladder was too full and could she please go to the bathroom and let out just a little!!
Congratulations on your matched set!

October 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTGIAA

congratulations on your penis!!

October 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermaggie may

hi, friend of serge's here, i just read(couldnt stop reading) 12 chapters of how ya'll met, and then clicked the front page and there's this entry
and i wanted to say:
mazel tov! on the boy (both the one in your belly and good ol' Serge)
i am so happy for you both and your beautiful family
if you find yerselves in Ireland i'd love to meet you in person!
xoxo

October 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commenternancy falkow

Feeling such delight for you! There's nothing like a little penis to make a girl's heart sing.

October 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkatherine

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