Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
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Thursday
Aug272009

Yes, I'd Like One Milkshake Poured In Girls Asses Please?

Every now and again I'll click over to the search queries section of The Girl Who to see what's bringing folks into my neck of the web woods. The things people type into their search engines when they think no one's watching cause my eyeballs to bulge and sometimes even explode right out of my head. However, the fact that these peculiar and yes, let's face it, downright insane, searches bring people here, to my internet home... well, I don't know if it says more about me than those searching.

Let us begin with the rather tame WANKING IN PUBLIC. I see this one daily in many variations. PUBLIC WANKING or HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYONE WANKING IN PUBLIC? The usual fare. I had to applaud the gentleman who typed in BETTER WANKING in his apparent quest to improve his masturbatory skills. Good for you, sir!

Next we have the rather bizarre ZIT PORN. Not sure what's so porn-y about zits but okay, I can dig it. From there we escalate to the fairly usual requests for ROAST BEEF PUSSY LIPS. In fact, I get so many search queries about ROAST BEEF PUSSY LIPS I'll save everyone the trouble and go ahead and post a link to Pussy Party free of charge. You're welcome.

Tune in Tokyo, anyone? Another strange one is all about nipples. ARE MY NIPPLES TOO BIG? BIG NIPPLES. PICTURES OF BIG NIPPLES. Nipples, nipples and more nipples.

Many, many folks seem to worry whether they're white trash. And so they turn to The Girl Who for answers. If you're anything like me, that's a big affirmative. You Might Be White Trash If...

I'm not sure why so many are Googling MAKESHIFT TAMPON. If they have access to the internet, wouldn't it follow that tampons can't be far behind? Nonetheless, they're makeshift tamponing their way here.

I'm at a loss to explain ORANGE HAIR PORN, HOT MORMON GIRLS, ADRIANNE CURRY FARTS and MOST BEAUTIFUL STRIPPER IN MEXICO.

There's a lot of pee talk on the blog so GIRL PEE and PEEING POSITIONS makes sense. FLAPPING BOOBS also seems to jive with policy here at The Girl Who, especially in this uncharted, post-Violet era.

I've saved the best for last because I can't, under any circumstances, figure out the search query typed in by someone I just have to assume is a man.

MILKSHAKE POURED IN GIRLS ASSES VIDEO

It's got to be a guy. No self-respecting girl is going to waste a perfectly good milkshake on ass play. I was so enchanted by the concept I Googled it myself. Turns out, lots of girls are into it. I'll leave it at that. If you want to read about Ass Smoothie Sluts you'll have to do your own web search and become the person that typed MILKSHAKE POURED IN GIRLS ASSES VIDEO into Google. I did it.

I'll leave you with one delicious thought. FRUITY ENEMA FETISH. Again, you're welcome.