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Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Tuesday
Jun092009

I Should Put Out More

It's been raining a lot here lately. I like it. Plain old sunny days bore me. I like a little character in my weather. Wind, a good storm cloud or two. Distant thunder boomers are always a bonus. I haven't written much this week because nothing much comes to mind. Well, it comes to mind it just doesn't flow onto the page monitor.

I slept so much last night I felt like I was 14 again with no place to be, nobody to look out for. Just me and my dreams all sprawled out across the king-sized bed. Violet usually goes to bed around 8pm and wakes up at 5am for a bottle. Then she hangs out in her swing while her Pop has his coffee and gets ready for work. When he leaves she cries and I lumber groggily out of bed. Most mornings my toe shakes hands with a door frame, a curse escapes my lips and my hair looks like an eagle's nest - post baby bird birth. Violet and I lay in the bed with Max and Milo for another hour, but tiny yet deadly baby kicks to the stomach, hair pulls and slobber (baby and dogs) are not conducive to sleep. Today Violet slept in until her Pop was awake so he gave her a bottle then she fell back asleep until 9:30. 9:30! I didn't wake up between midnight and 9:30! That hasn't happened since Violet was born and probably several months before then.

Therapy is going well. I'm very intrigued by the whole endeavor in a third person kind of way. Often, in the middle of the session I float above my body and chuckle at the absurdity of it all. Pouring out your darkest secrets to a complete stranger. Don't get me wrong, it's helping. But strange too. I enjoy watching Serge talk and listening to what he has to say even when it's not exactly complimentary to me. He's such an intelligent person that it's fun to listen to his thoughts on me. Just as I wrote that I realized, well duh, you should talk to your husband more, dumbass. I should. I like him. He's funny and smart and has an excellent sense of humor. I should totally put out more as well. Where's a sticky note so I can write that down...