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Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
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Tuesday
Jun022009

He Is My South

I made a very grave mistake today. Tried on a pair of pre-prego jeans and got all hopped up that they fit. So I wore 'em to work. Turns out, they don't fit. When I sit the waistband nearly cuts me in half sending all my vital organs scrambling into my chest for oxygen. I just burped pancreas. It's a feeling not unlike actually being pregnant. The button of the jeans is cutting into my stomach so far it's nearly touching my spine. So yeah, not quite ready for this particular pair of jeans. Maybe next month.

You dirty buggers don't care about my jeans, do you? You want the juice on the therapy, don't you? All right, all right. I'm pleasantly surprised. I liked TheRapist. She is younger than I expected and likes to curse. She nailed a lot of stuff about the two of us without taking sides. I came away from the session with a renewed sense of hope. I also came away startled at how negatively I think about Serge when I'm not with him.

What really struck me; TheRapist was explaining why we're who we are, how our brains work and why we do what we do. Just like birds instinctively fly south for the winter, sometimes our behaviors are so deeply ingrained in us that we do things and aren't consciously aware of the reason why.

Toward the end of the session we were explaining our love story, how we met, how we got married and describing our different personalities. One of the causes for conflict in our relationship revolves around me being the one that makes sure the bills get paid, the checking account is balanced while Serge just hands over his paycheck.
"Although he is irresponsible in many ways, his free-spirited nature was what drew me to him." I explained to TheRapist. "I'm constantly trying to reconcile the fact that he makes me crazy because he's irresponsible about things but I love him because he's such a fun, creative, free spirit. Growing up poor, without a dad I always wanted to marry this solid rock of a guy. Then I married Serge."
She looked at me for a long minute and said "If you married the rock of a guy you'd be bored off your ass. Serge is exactly the right guy for you and you don't even know it. Remember the birds? You instinctively gravitated toward your south. Serge is your south." This struck me like a bullet. I've been turning it over and over in my mind and she's right. He is my south.

Of course we got in a huge fight the next morning and I'm still giving him my best silent treatment... But there's hope. I scheduled another appointment for this Saturday and think we're in this therapy thing for the long haul.