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Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Friday
May082009

Wild West Love Song

I have chosen a therapist. We chatted on the phone for thirty minutes. She's funny, not-Mormon, used mild curse words and as previously mentioned is a she. All important qualities to me. The trick now is getting a babysitter so Mom and Dad can do the ol' self-improvement shuffle.

I love Serge. I do. I know he loves me too. It's just, well, if I float above us and look down, we're just so damn trivial and really, we're both assholes. That pretty much sums it up. We have little fights; thanks a lot for doing the dishes (dripping with sarcasm) and it's your turn to wake up with Violet (barked in the middle of the night). These little fights create tension and build into some nameless monster that stomps around the house and ultimately explodes. Once the monster unleashes his fury he roars all sorts of shit that monsters roar. Things that are better left unsaid. But he's a monster you know and he wants to hit you where it hurts. Below the belt, kidney punches, Tyson-style ear biting, whatever it takes.

He says all the things ugly monsters say and the injured parties retreat to their corners and never really resolve anything, never work it out. So a bad feeling remains. And a week or so later another bad feeling piles on top and another until there are so many bad feelings somebody needs to take them out to the curb for the garbage man. But much like the regular trash, no one ever does. So yeah. We need couples counseling.

To see this man blossom into fatherhood is something to behold. This little girl is so lucky to have such a deep thinking, talented, sweetheart for a dad. The books and music he'll introduce her to... It will be him that teachers her to cook. It's just going to be cool as hell to watch their relationship develop. Yet I'm aware the key to Violet's happiness is our happiness. We both come from divorced parents, raised by single mothers. It's time. Time to get off the train to Selfish Town and get our shit together. And so we will. Or kill each other trying.