Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
You can also find Monica's writing here:
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Tuesday
Feb032009

Coming Up For Air

Hi! Oh my God but I love this little girl. Don't get me wrong, this gig ain't easy... but I think I got a good one. She rarely cries. But listen, I don't want to glamorize this motherhood business. Last night she cried for about an hour straight - which I understand is child's play to other mothers suffering with a colicky baby. But by the end of that hour I was there crying with her. She was crying the kind of cry where I envision her little vocal chords turning red, swelling and then exploding into pieces, cartoon-like. And like the no-experience-with-babies-douchebag that I am I try to reason with her. I'm all Violet, this is just silly. You've got to stop crying. As if she's going to stop, sit up and say, you know, you're right Mom. Can you get me a spot of breastmilk, I'm a tad parched from all this carrying on. Just when I was ready to off myself she stopped and went to sleep.

I don't know if it's the breastfeeding or if I just gained way too much weight in the first place, but I've lost 25 pounds so far. DUDE! And I haven't even done anything but sit around the house easing into this motherhood business. I weighed in at 176 (oh my God!) the day I gave birth and today I weigh 151. I should probably stop crowing about it because the other 25 pounds likely ain't coming off without a plastic surgeon's suctioning device.

It's tough to have a January baby because it's too damn cold to get out of the house. I was thinking about loading her up and heading to a nearby mall to walk laps. I've ventured out a couple times but I get all worked up about all the stuff that could happen. What if someone hits our car? What if the stroller somehow collapses with the baby inside? What if I drop the car seat? And I hate not being able to see her little face while I'm driving.

I'm going to stone cold rip off Dooce and start up with a monthly newsletter about Violet's life. I know, I know! You are absolutely breathless with anticipation! Nonetheless, I can think of nothing better to give my daughter than written memories.