I'm certain I'm far below the average, if the world can be said to have an average. My husband can assure you I'm far below the average. Just what exactly average is - well - I don't know. Can there really be accurate sex stats? Doesn't everyone lie about how much they do it? I hope so.
Sex stats or no, I definitely need to put out more. That, I can say with certainty. But I let too much get in the way. Not just our separate work schedules and exhaustion from baby wrangling, I let my emotions get in the way. If I'm pissed Serge didn't take out the trash, cycle a load of laundry or even if he just made a rude comment I let it get all up in my head and then I'm grumbling under my breath like Yosemite Sam, which, I think you'll agree, is not conducive to Sexy Time.
I find it hard to separate daily annoyances from bedroom action. Is that stupid? Dudes probably think it's stupid. What does emptying the trash have to do with sex, they want to know. A lot, fellas. A LOT.
But, couple my inability to get horny after Serge leaves his beard clippings in the sink with the exhaustion of being a new parent and still feeling freaked about the violent tearing of Lady Parts during birth and there ain't a lot of horizontal dancing underway Chez Bielanko other than some obligatory ass scratching during sleep.
I remember walking with a friend in New York City once. An old friend who dates back to my elementary school days. This friend is quite religious and, to my knowledge, didn't have sex with her husband before they married, so her advice on marriage shocked me.
"ALWAYS put out. Especially when you don't feel like it."
This, coming from a garment-wearing, daily-praying mother of two, surprised me. But maybe it shouldn't. The Mormons gals, they're notorious for obeying their fellas. But she's right. I think. Shit, I don't know. My husband - for the most part - is the bees knees, but sometimes I've excused him in my mind if he should happen to cheat on me because I neglect my bedroom-ly duties. I know, I know. There's no excuse for cheating but, if Dr. Laura is to be believed, I'm the one causing the problem by not properly caring for and feeding my husband. But should sex be considered a duty? The longer I've been married (nearly a decade!) I think it should. Which takes the sexy out of marriage, I know. But the sexy is kind of taken away when you listen to someone gargle phlegm and fart all night long anyway, no?
This all sounds like I'm not attracted to my guy. I am. He's right up my alley, just not in my alley... Heh heh heh. Okay, bad joke. Seriously though, he's this dark-haired, bearded sexy boy who's all the time grabbing at me while I giggle girlishly but rebuff him with very manly karate chops.
And I don't know why.
Can someone scream-whisper SEX ISSUES and point in my direction? Maybe. Or maybe I really am just pissed the motherfucker didn't take out the trash? I can't really figure myself out here. I kind of waltzed ignorantly into marriage, so in love I couldn't imagine not wanting some action all the time. But various factors in my upbringing (Mormonism, I'm casting the Stink Eye in your celibate preaching, chastity belt promoting, guilt-inducing direction) leave me feeling all shameful-like whenever I decide to heed Marvin Gaye's legendary advice.
What I'm saying is for various reasons including religion and humans tunneling out of my vagina, I've spent my entire marriage trying not to have sex so I know how badly not having sex affects a dude. During the course of this first-hand research I've concluded that they need it to function. Yes, need. A lot of women can take it or leave it and don't really even think about it unless their man forces the issue but a lot of guys need sex like they need water. Okay, maybe not water but they need sex like they need a shower. They don't require a shower to live but if they go a week without it they start to feel icky, itchy and dirty. Take a shower and they're refreshed and ready to take on the world!
My very non-professional but Dr. Laura approved advice? Hook your dude up. Not only does sex inspire intimacy but you just might notice he's a little more tender with you even when he's not trying to get you to give it up. Think of it this way: you giving your man a little sexy time makes him feel the same way you feel when he reaches out to hold your hand while you're riding in the car and tells you how beautiful you look in the sunlight. It feels nice, right? Right.