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Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
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Tuesday
Mar202007

Things That Bother Me About The Internet

Did you know you can now anonymously email people? I just got an "anonymous" email from an apparent psychologist who graciously took the time to analyze my previous blog. Boy am I ever grateful. Totally showed me the error of my ways. This email is from(surprise) "Anonymous" courtesy of The Anonymous Email
THE OPINION OF THE MASSES

Things that bothered people about your blog.

1. Your acknowledgement that the whole ex-girfriend blog thing is over, yet your inability to just let things go. You can\'t and so...

2. You write an entry about it and then blame it on being drunk. Yet, you were careful only to dwell on the whole ex-gf thing just enough to illicit more sympathy because how dare Lola blog about you?

3. You weren\'t too drunk to remember to italicize certain key parts that you really felt you needed to emphasize.

4. You make the \"I have no reason to blog anymore. I am in very deep thought over this, have been contemplating it for days. I might not blog anymore. So I will blog about it.\" threat.

5. Of course, turn comments off so that no one thinks you are trying to get sympathy or have people beg you to continue blessing them with your word. Instead, you will now have many meaningful email conversation with your many fans. These fans, of course, will share their negative experience with their husbands\' ex but carefully note that their experience is nothing compared to what you have been through. This will further reinforce your victim issues and you will continue blogging, careful to only mention the ex in passing but just enough to express that the ex is, indeed, crazy and that you are still the victim.
Dear Anonymous,

You are blowing my mind, Anonymous, with your ability to accurately get inside my last blog and dig right to the heart of what was really going on there within that one sentence I wrote about The Ex. Your email was very thoughtful, you obviously took some time crafting it and I can understand your heartfelt concern. And the concern of the 'masses' that you've so graciously volunteered to be spokesperson for. I was using the italics key as a weapon. I can clearly see this now that you've so eloquently explained it. I also get the impression you don't think I should keep calling my husband's ex-girlfriend and hanging up on her when she answers? Is that weird? Can I still send the anthrax-laced letters I've written to her or would that just be wrong? Also, if I did send the letters, could I still have several 'meaningful email conversations' with my 'fans' or do you think they would turn against me?

As I greatly appreciate the neatly outlined, numbered email you anonymously sent me, I think I will reply in kind;

1. You are far freakier than The Ex and myself and Crazy Charlie who lives in a stairwell down my street.

2. Wait. That's it. I've just got the one.

Love!

The Girl Who