Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
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Saturday
Oct202007

Coming Clean

So it wasn't as easy as I would like you to believe. The Cabbage Soup Diet. Thing is, as sure as it'll always be the hairy guy that wears the speedo, I like soup in the fall. Autumn inspires within me a burning desire to purchase Trapper Keepers and pencils and also lounge around in my robe, consuming steaming, exotic teas and elegant soups like butternut squash and creamy pumpkin. Cabbage soup filled the bill and as quick as you can shout I'M-STARVING-FOR-GODSAKES-I-CAN-FEEL-MY-SPINE-IN-MY-STOMACH I'm off the beer and back into my skinny jeans. Nice.

Yeah, I'm coming clean. Whenever my husband left town I was romancing a fella called Bud. It was very serious. But we're separated now, Mr. Light and I. Sometimes I cast him seductive glances from beneath lowered lashes... but then the 7/11 cashier catches me loitering in the beer section and I am forced to leave my lover, my amber-hued lover who seduces me with his...

Okay, enough of that. Seriously, I've been drinking far too much. How much? Three six-packs in three days. Why yes, that is a six-pack a day. My, but you add 'em almost as quick as I drink 'em. I suppose I'm trying to fill the void, the incurable void that lodges deep within. The void that is as quiet as a church mouse or as loud as a fucking building implosion depending on who you are and what thoughts you allow to invade your brain.

Void Schmoid. Damn I'm deep. Sooo introspective.

I'm considering buying a computer, finally. Except I like going home and shutting off my cell phone and luxuriating in the fact that I am an island. There is nary a connection to the outside world to be found within my walls. No land line, cell phone off, no internet. It's divine.

I find it hard to be serious on this blog, suddenly. The whole concept feels ridiculous. I peruse other blogs and I'm just bored. If I'm bored with your life why would I slice off chunks of mine for your consumption and possible ridicule here? Of course that's the usual ebb and flow in the blogging world. The same ol' cycle plays out with everyone who blogs. I suppose I'm just enjoying the privacy not blogging affords me as opposed to gutting my life like a caught fish and frying it all up for your dinner. Eat me.