One might assume I'd want to interview a celebrity. I don't. Who wants to cartwheel across the balance beam of asskissing versus asking some worthwhile questions? Not me. Celebrity interviewing? Eh. I do well interviewing everyday folks. Cat stuck in a tree? I'm your gal! Survive a house fire? I got it covered. But I have absolutely no fucking idea what to ask Janeane Garofalo. To make matters worse, I've had a girl crush on her ever since I saw her bang fringe and heard her dulcet I'm-so-bored-with-this monotone on Reality Bites. C'mon.. it was THE flick for Generation X. Reality Bites, Singles, and Heathers. Of course, I can quote Janeane every single line from Reality Bites... but that seems a tad inappropriate, no?
"Like, OMIGOD, Janeane - can I call you Janeane? Like, Reality Bites is so totally in my top ten favorites! You know that part where you're all "I'm late for jean folding seminar, let's locomote!" because you, like, work at the Gap? And that other time where you're all "EVIAN is NAIVE spelled backwards?" And that one time when you dance to My Sharona in the gas station? That's the best!!! So, like, what is Ben Stiller really like? Did you guys ever date?"
See? I should not be unleashed on the charmingly acerbic Ms. Garofalo. Yet my editor at Dig & Scratch disagrees. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to ask our gal Janeane? What would YOU ask? Remember, the girl has a brain, she has issued such notable quotes as:
"I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth."
"How is it that this debate has been twisted on its head, that somehow those that advocate peace and diplomacy are anti-American? ... Or those that advocate peace are anti-troops or pro-Saddam?"
"Is being an idiot like being high all the time?"
I wish I said that last one. It would be so much easier were I interviewing, oh, say Paris Hilton. I'd just be all, "Omigod Paris! I love your dress! How much did it cost? Where did you get those shoes, they're ADORABLE! And your handbag? That's hot! What's it like being a celebrity? What's your advice for all the young women who look up to you? Stay sexy? Perfect! Thanks!
Janeane requires some finesse. Some skill. She's sassy AND smart, a "feisty, funny, opinionated fireball of a woman all wrapped up in a cute little package." Seriously. Help a sister out. What are you curious about? What would you ask Janeane?