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Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
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Friday
Apr072006

I Am Trying To Break Your Heart

You can never really know someone. One minute you're happily married, the next you're discovering their secret cross dressing habit.. or their porn addiction.. or maybe they like to pick their nose and eat it, which I personally consider MUCH worse than the first two.. Whatever. Regardless of how solid you think your stance is, the rug could be pulled from beneath your feet at any moment. Happens all the time.

Look at the lady down the street whose husband is having an affair with his secretary. She'll find out in about six months. Divorce. How 'bout the happily married man at work who rapes girls when he isn't dutifully crunching numbers and paying his taxes like a good American. Or, for example, the drug addicted housewife who doesn't know who she is without the uppers anymore. There are things about me no one knows. No I don't have bodies buried in my backyard, but there are thoughts I think that I don't share.. not even with The Surge.

It makes me wonder what we're all hiding. Perhaps your secret would be a dealbreaker in your relationship.. maybe not. Do you have the guts to find out? And it ain't even the secrets.. it's the ugly potential inside us all to misbehave. When push comes to shove, will you fuck up? Will you cheat? If provoked, are you capable of murdering someone? Oh, you might laugh at the notion now.. but things escalate, life happens. The rest of your life, decided in an instant.

I have a friend from Utah.. got behind the wheel after one too many and plowed into a group of girls walking down the sidewalk for a sleepover. One was killed. Snap your fingers. That's how quickly his life changed. From a dorm room to a cell. Well, the difference between a dorm or a cell is negligible, but you know what I mean.

The ugly potential in all of us. Movies like Unfaithful.. Where Diane Lane's character has a good life.. but before you can say 'desperate housewife' she's cheating on her husband in the most rapturous of ways.. and she can't stop. The Surge.. he's on the road all the time. Hot guy in a band. Lots of women around. The potential for shenanigans is high. Yet, I don't worry. Not because I'm one of those gals that say 'not my husband, he's not like that'.. because generally it IS their husband that's engaging in all the nefarious extracurricular activities. I don't worry about The Surge cheating... and I'm not sure why. It wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me. Maybe that's why. Why wouldn't it be a dealbreaker? Hmmmm.. that's maybe a discussion for another time. Suffice it to say, if I found out The Surge had sex with someone else, we would ultimately be okay.. If I found out he was in love with someone else, well, that's a different can of worms altogether. I would be gone.

The ugly potential. What we're each capable of... That's why we'll never really know each other.. and that's why soulmates are bullshit. I hate that word. Soulmate. What does it mean? A hopeful way of saying I was meant to be with this person, I s'pose. But don't call someone your soulmate unless you're over the age of 90 and have been cohabitating with said soulmate for at least 50 years. Then, maybe. Until then quit bandying the word about.

You never really know someone.. Walk in the door to your own home and you immiediately begin a series of small assessments, whether you're aware or not.. Mood: Bad? Okay, is it the kind of bad mood where your significant other wants to play the 'what's wrong' game, or is it the kind of bad mood in which you need to act chipper because they are looking for a fight. How should I act? What should I say? You can pretend like this doesn't happen in your relationship.. but it does.. It's like blinking.. You just don't notice it anymore..

I feel the strain of relating to someone else more because The Surge is gone for long periods so the only person I come home to is Max.. and we all know what dogs are like when you walk in the door. But when The Surge returns from being on the road, the air crackles with his special brand. Passion, love, the smell of stir-fry and manliness linger in the air like cologne. There is a completely different vibe when I come home from work... and the assessment begins. That's not to say it's a bad thing.. It's nice to walk into a loved one's arms after a tough day... when they're welcoming. But the constant mood monitoring can be draining.

If the loved one is ornery.. you have to choose whether to escalate with moodiness of your own or play the opposite card.. Perking yourself up to play the optimist.. That's what couples do. Even "soulmates"

Reader Comments (53)

I don't think I have any deal-breakers. Now if he had another family, wifey and kids, back home in Scotland, yea that would be a deal-breaker for me. But I don't have a secret past! Probably the only thing I have lied about, and I am sticking to my lie, is how many men I have slept with!!! I will take the real number with me to my GRAVE! LOL
April 7, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJen
According to your hubby's onstage banter, you two have an "arrangement" while he's on the road. He can sleep with anyone he wants...as long as it's a member of the band. That explained why Kirk was looking so tired and sore.
April 7, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterereiberg
what I thought was my dealbreaker (cheating) has ended up being something I think i can handle.

you're right, you absolutely NEVER really know someone. I thought I knew, I acutally believed in my heart of hearts that he couldn't/wouldn't cheat, and yet he did.

it's about finding out if you can handle their ugly potential. their deep dark thoughts and secrets.

and if he can handle mine.
April 7, 2006 | Unregistered Commentermoi
We can never really no someone because we can never completely know ourselves. The funny thing about human nature is that we can't ever truly know exactly how we'll react to something until it actually happens to us.
April 7, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterEvangelia
Oh, i'm not really ignorant. I know that that "no" should be a "know". sigh.
April 7, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterEvangelia
to me soulmate doesn't mean there is "only one." My definition of soulmate is "A person who makes your soul grow," Then when your 80 or 90 you can look back and know then,maybe, who made your soul grow the most and THEN you can say that was your soulmate, but until you die you may have several. what'ya think?
April 7, 2006 | Unregistered Commentermama
this is something that always puzzles me, why is it that you only hear people using the term "soulmate" in the first year of their relationship. I think it's because with any really good relationship, you're forced to come to terms with the fact that relationships equal work. Soulmate brings to mind easy, storybook, movie love, where you're swept off your feet repeatedly for your entire life. Everyone I know that's tried to force their relationship to conform to those boundaries has seen the whole thing fall apart. It makes me rather sad, because people in general seem to feel that if you have to work at love, then it must not be true love after all.
April 7, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterclint
Hmmmm. Having been cheated on a number of times, I acknowledge the fact that "sex" is different than "having a relationship."

I also acknowledge the fact that people do really fucked up things sometimes with little or no thought to how their actions hurt other people...usually the act is out of insecurity or needing to find a feeling that they aren't getting with what they already have.

That being said: I have no evidence that people can change this kind of behavior. Perhaps it's not natural for two people to be together forever. That's okay with me. But to make promises and then break them, and then lie...it's a viscious cycle that never really ends and only causes an immense amount of pain.

I guess the moral is: If you want to fuck someone else or if you are interested in someone else, have the decency to let the other person know and have that same option, and not leave them there, their mouth wide open feeling like they have just been blasted in the stomach with a canon ball.
April 7, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSicksadworld
I married my husband because "he doesn't drive me crazy". Which is saying a lot. Anyone I can put up with for several years and in turn can put up with me and we generally enjoy each other's company is fantabulous in my books.

And he makes me laugh.

And he thinks I'm hot, even when I am fat and pregnant. (Must be because we're newlyweds).
April 7, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterPhoe
The happiest moments of some of my late drunk nights is knowing that my wife is at home, probably sleeping. And the fact that there is so much temptation in the world knowing that she is there is enough for me to fight it off. Now I have been known to flirt, alchol is crazy thing, but in the back of my mind I know how lucky I am to have someone there.

Will it last forever. I sure hope so. I will work hard to make sure it does. Yes. But I also get worried about the whole issue of whether or not two people should be together forever. And I worry if i'm someone who can.

But shit I'm continue to work on being the best husband I can be. I know I'm not the best. But I will try.
April 7, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterBrian
Hey, nice post. What would we all be without our secrets? Is there really any way to be honest with everyone all the time?

(continued on "your stories" because I digress)
April 7, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterCChild
Not to change the subject, but every time you said 'dealbreaker' I thought windbreaker and am now left wondering - what's the difference between a windbreaker and a jacket or is windbreaker another term for jacket?

My boyfriend having sex wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me either, but don't tell him that.
April 7, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterGemma
Gemma,

I always thought windbreakers had something to do with spicy food.
April 7, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterdu_dragons
Boy, mama, I like your take on soul mates. So well put!I can easily point to people whom I've come across in my life who I KNOW have made me a better person, or, as you say, have made my soul grow. And I've never felt that their presence in my life was a threat to my marriage.

As to the post, I'm with you, Monica. The notion of my wife having sex with someone else would hit me hard because I'd probably interpret it as about ME: did she like it better with him than with me; did I fail somewhere.

But the idea of her falling in love with someone even without the sex (I think they call it the 'emotional affair') would be about HER; about a choice she had made to depart; to transfer her emotional attachment to someone else.

And that would be the "Sayonara sweetheart. Thanks for playing the game. Here are your lovely parting gifts." moment for me.

(Pardon the muddled thoughts.)

April 7, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterWry Bri
Now I'm really confused. Breakingwind and Windbreaker are the same thing? I hope you have a windbreaker tied around your waist when you break wind. Helps defuse a potentially explosive situation.

Incidentally, my boyfriend says his "indian" name is Breaking Wind.
April 7, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterGemma
Breaking wind is always funny!

The more I think about it, the angrier I get at the fact that I have come to accept cheating like I accept a strange "quirk," like mismatching socks on purpose. Fuck that. It's not cool.

This is why men get their dicks cut off.
April 7, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSicksadworld
Perhaps you feel that an extramarital fling would not ultimately damage your relationship with Serge because you know it's a possibility. Maybe you subconsciously realize that a marriage to a rock "star" carries with it the possibility of a fling. Certainly more of a possibility than if he had a "real" job. If you were with somebody in which a fling seemed less likely, would it be as acceptable to you?

At this point, though, you probably don't have to worry about him cheating. But if he stops writing cheesy songs like "The Apartment," then maybe you'll be suspicious that something is up. :-)
April 7, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterDan
Cheesy! I submit The Apartment is one of the best on the road songs ever written. If you can squeeze the word potassium into a set of lyrics and make it work, you are a songwriting genius.
April 7, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJib
If you can squeeze all that biology into a pair of Boys 13 Wranglers after a month on the road, you're also genius.
lurking since i somehow clicked through .... not sure what to make of this last post. i don't want to turn the lights on and make last call in anyone's psyche, BUT, i would like at least like to see a debate about what marriage is supposed to be, and be part of the conversation.

See, i am married. I have a young son, 18 months old, a pistol, and I am fine w/ folks making arrangments w. each other, in terms of sexual needs, but what i don't get is why get married in the first place.

i have been married for five years. i am not a rock star but i could get laid fairly easily if i wanted to (always did before), gimme 2 months. The point is my wife's the only one I want.My question is what was the idea behind the vows originally, what did you (both) hope to get from the formality of marriage that made it attractive at all?, because I have to say, this smacks of serious rationalization to me.

The Surge probably has a bunch more temptation than I do, but marriage is marriage, you can't have it both ways, especially if you shove it down everyone else's throat.(See the Apartment, song's sentiment isn't really the same for me in this light).

If y'all are supposed to be in serious love, then i myself do not buy that blowing a load in some gal who hung around till last call at dingwalls as a fitting afirmation of that feeling, or any romantic feeling, to be honest.the romance can't survive the rationalization, in my mind at least. Because, honestly, an orgasm is cheap, when it comes down to it, unless it's with someone you really give a shit about.

When I said I do, it wasn't, oh by the way, if you leave me for a couple of months out of the year, feel free to open your vagina to assorted and sundry men as you see fit, i trust you baby, your decisions on strange penises are A-OK w/ me!!!!

I mean come, on. why be married at all, if that's the case? you can't tell me that's the spirit of the commitment. So what are we really talking about here, if you get semi-famous, is the Surge cool w/ you taking a lover some lonely night? As long as you don't look at him the same way, or some shit like that, i don't believe you can be as sensitive and perceptive as you obviously are and be cool with that.

There, in my mind, is the conflict.

You talk about ugly potential and follow that up w/ some pretty bad generalizations (someone's husband is just raping people on the side? I'm not saying it doesn't happen episodically but that's not really the road we're on is it? is this how we're supposed to evaulate relationships, worst-case (horrible!!) scenarios across the board). My wife doesn't know everything about every thought that runs through my mind, but this assumption that all of us are operating at our most depraved depths smacks of self-coddling.

If you want to go all soul mates on me, I guess that's valid. My belief is that sex is pretty integral to marriage.

Hate to be negative but i'm hoping for a serious dialogue.

Mike
April 8, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterwormfodder
The Surge would NEVER cheat on me, nor I on him.. That said, I've never been the kinda gal to say never. Shit happens and I go into life with eyes wide open. That doesn't mean I'm planning on cheating, it means I've known too many women who said "John would never cheat on me" and it's their John that's doing all the cheating.

Marriage vows or no, I'm not someone who views sex as the end all be all and I don't think that devalues my commitment. I believe I said if he fell in love with someone else I'd be gone.. If he were to cheat on me, it wouldn't be the end. It wouldn't be pretty, but it wouldn't be the end. Period. We don't have an "arrangement".. I married the dude because I was crazy in love with him and vice versa. I wasn't advising folks to evaluate relationships based on the ugly potential in all of us.. was just ruminating on how you can never really know someone and tossed out a few worst case scenarios.. and a few daily ones i.e. walking in from work and assessing the mood of your significant other..

Thanks for the well thought out comment, I love a good debate.

P.S. I will be honest, I considered what Dan had to say about maybe I don't view extramarital sex as the end because the possibility for The Surge cheating is higher and I'm subconciously preparing myself for what could happen.. but that isn't it either. I had this opinion on sex and cheating before I met The Surge.. and to be quite honest, The Surge hates that I feel this way. He feels similar to the way you do, is certainly more passionate on the subject than I and were I to cheat, I believe he'd leave me.
April 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMonica
Monica. Ok. Maybe if there was a prettier sexier wiser woman in the world then I might in some very strange way be tempted. But in all honesty, baby, there ain't, so I'm not.

These days, my secrets...the things about the road that I hide from your faraway ears....are simply the amount of damn candy I eat by myself next to a cold running hotel shower. Sexy, huh?

Get to me.

Surge
April 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSurge
I sooo love my kids! My simple thoughts on this subject are...(but I don't think I would let my s.o. know my thoughts because he may think he has one freebie) I would forgive once, maybe, depending on the circumstance, (was it just sex? or emotional?) BUT never twice. NEVER. Whats the saying? Shit on me once, shame on you, shit on me twice shame on me. Surge! candy? hmmm...well at least I know those peanut m&m's got eaten. Love ya,
April 8, 2006 | Unregistered Commentermama
I don't buy that you never really know someone. Maybe you choose not to see what you don't want to see, but if you've loved someone a long time, you pretty well know what's in his head and heart.

For me, if Leo cheated, that would likely be a dealbreaker. I can't imagine moving on after that betrayal in trust. If our love changes down the road, I just want to know that it's over before he moves on to someone else. I know it would be a dealbreaker for him. He loves my outgoing personality & accepts my (sometimes) flirty self because that's who I am & he trusts that I would never cross that line.

Monica, I don't believe Serge's potential for cheating is higher because he's a musician & he's on the road a great deal. I would guess that he's already had a taste of that lifestyle & chose you above it all because he saw in you all that he wanted. Faithfulness is not about a lack of opportunity to cheat.
April 8, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterchrissy
The best and longest lasting marriages are those that are defined by the two people -- and only the two people -- who married each other. If you try and fit into any other definition, made by the state, the church, the scientific study, Dr. Phil or your best friend, you will have trouble. If a couple is happy, content and thriving, they are making the world a better place, and I'm not gonna judge how they got there or what they are doing to stay there.

janet
April 8, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterjls
jls, your comments always ring the most true with me. They're always thought provokers and to me, are generally right on the money. I agree with Monica about never really knowing someone. I don't think she means you don't know them, just that there is always the potential for messing up and you never know which way someone (including yourself) will go. People surpsise me all the time and I generally find that the couples that do the most talking about how much they love each other and will be together forever are trying to convince themselves and those are the ones that never last.
April 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAimee
I think it's funny, as in strange, that so many seem to get riled up about the idea of soulmates. Just because I believe in the possibility of "soulmates", reincarnation, our very first ancestor was female, astrology, ghosts, does not mean that I believe in anything so ludicrous as the idea that just cos I believe my husband is my "soulmate", that this is my guarantee for a perfect and everlasting marriage and that I could never find love with anybody else. No way! Now THAT is a ridiculous idea. I have NO idea what "soulmates" are, all I can do is tell my story and people can interpret it how they choose. I'll put it in "Your stories".

April 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterNiedlchen
hey, I came across your blog while reading Dooce's comments and just wanna say that I love reading your entries! I've spent last night reading quite a few of your past entries. Love your blog (:
April 9, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterEunice
This post got me. I've often reflected on the term soulmates. What does it really mean? Is there just one person we're meant to be with or are there several people who are linked to our souls over the course of a lifetime? If that's so, then like Monica says, you can only call someone a soulmate upon reflection. I've been with many women who I would have naively called soulmates at the time. I no longer speak to those women nor do I give them much thought.

I'd say soulmate means something different to every single person.
April 9, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSloopy
Hey Eunice, welcome to the board. When you run out of journal stories, check out The Girl Who chapters. Those should keep you entertained for weeks. My personal favorite is THE FIRE ESCAPE, but I also like MORMON TO MARRIED IN MANHATTAN and NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. You really can't go wrong, they're all good reads.
April 9, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterGemma
Aimee, thank you for the compliment! There are some good things that happen when you get old, you stop stressing about what you know you can't change -- or don't have time to...

However, I wish I could button my pants without having to move my boobs out of the way.


janet
April 9, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterjls
"you have to choose whether to escalate with moodiness of your own or play the opposite card"

Exactly... it's sort of the luck of the draw on this one for me, although my own mood is definitely a factor.
A
April 10, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAlex
It seems like you have settled and compromised a lot as far as your marriage is concerned. Convinced yourself that you are even OK with it. Well, wake up! If a guy is on the road a lot or has a lot of freedom, he's gonna cheat sooner or later. So maybe it's just sooner but if i were you, i wouldn't sleep so peacefully at night. I'm not trying to be mean or cynical or close minded. I'm just being quite realistic.
April 11, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJoan
Convinced myself I'm okay with what? Having a husband in a band? Yup, that's his job. Also, I don't think it's "quite realistic" to assume if a guy has freedom he is certain to cheat.
April 11, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonicaBielanko
Not to mention...I believe I read that 75% of all affairs take place in an office setting.

Being "quite" realistic would be saying that the more you smother someone and don't give them freedom, the unhappier they will be and the more likely it is they will stray. And even THAT doesn't matter.

People will cheat if they want to cheat. Period. It has nothing to do with their occupation and all to do with how they feel about themselves.

April 11, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSicksadworld
Maybe if we look at a "Soul Mate" as someone we "mate our soul with," as if it's a choice and not DESTINY. It's looking at your loved one as if they are your destiny that will fuck you up but proper. Just ask my ex-husband.

Excellent blog!
April 11, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterRecovering Mormon
sort of reminds me of 'sliding doors'...as well. the whole anything can happen - notion.

my anxiety fuels these kind of questions in my mind way more often than I would like to admit. good to know other people bat it around.

my fiance has taught me a lot about this. he will flat out tell me 'i love you now today, but i can't make you promises about tomorrow'. in response to things that suggest that he may 'ever ever' do anything.

as much as the idea that he can't affirm absolutes in our marriage makes me cringe, yet there is a tremendous amount of comfort in knowing that he can be that honest with himself, and me.

truth is, we don't know. we change so much its impossible to be certain of the future, and to admit that we are all very 'capable' as the next guy of commiting any number of infidelities, is probably the most important thing to be mindful of and honest about in a relationship.

good post!

~stella

April 11, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterstella
The last three comments from SickSadWorld, Recovering Mormon and Stella are perhaps the most insightful comments I've read in a long time..
I couldn't have said it better.
April 11, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonicaBielanko
Beautifully stated. And I love the way what you write is so universally applicable. I’m not married (lol.. far, far from it). But I can still relate to it.

“There are things about me no one knows. No I don't have bodies buried in my backyard, but there are thoughts I think that I don't share…” Don’t we all? I mingle with people, get close at times. I don’t talk about every thing, and I don’t think I can, even if I wanted to. There is something of our own space that each of us has, and has the full right to. Certain thoughts that are ours, and ours alone. Most of us want it for ourselves, and few respect it when it comes to those we love. What you have written just shows that you do.

Ha ha! I hate the term ‘soulmates’ as well. I also hate ‘best friend’, and some times ‘relationship’ and ‘friend’ as well. But that is a different issue altogether. At the same time, I love the way certain couples are so in love, though I fear that it mite not go all too well.

The ugly potential. I would call it a trait of being human!

I love the way you write and would be reading more. Its seriously an honour to have you visit and comment on my blog. Thanx!
April 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterCrisscrossing Sanity
Hi,
I do agree that we all have secrets. But when I got married, I told everything to my husband, I mean really everything. He was really grateful for that and although he doesn't understand sometimes why I acted this way, he accepted my past and we got married.
April 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline
I spilled it all to The Surge as well... but I don't think I was referring so much to my past as I am the secret thoughts and feelings that develop during marriage.. The kind of thing that might hurt a significant other's feelings or the can of worms you just don't feel like opening because you KNOW drama will follow.
April 12, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonicaBielanko
Thanks for the cool response. I think I went a little too far with the sentiment about ugly potential, and some of my other criticisms. Reading through what you wrote again, I can see you're not simply giving Serge the green light to cheat. What set me off on my little tirade was this idea about getting past cheating as long as no one falls in love, which I still think is naive and would take a fair amount of denial to accomplish. The cheating would still be emblematic of bigger problems that would warrant attention, in my opinion.

But it's different if we're talking about a one-off incident that everyone regrets rather than an arrangement of what happens on the road stays on the road. I probably went too far with the idea of an arrangement. I think now you were talking more about a single slip-up sort of thing.

To be honest, any harshness in my response was probably based on the fact that I'm really rooting for you guys from my outsider's perspective after reading about some of your struggles w/ marriage and moving to NYC.

I've been going to see Marah for five or six years by now, talked to the guys a bunch of times, and have to say, at least in my limited experience, Serge seems as happy and vital as anyone I've ever met since you showed up. It's even reflected in how amazing the last album was, how he's taking a bigger role, singing so much, writing more idiosyncratic, original tunes. I attended the X-mas show in Philly and was touched when he blurted out: "Dream on, baby, I love you so much," at the end of Dishwasher's Dream (check out the recording if you haven't) before wailing away like a madman on that harmonica. You just don't see that kind of passion and sincerity anywhere these days, and it's part of why I've followed them all this time, and want to see them get the recognition (fame and financial windfall) they deserve.

I clicked through to this site from the Marah one, and was skeptical at first since I'm decidedly not a fan of Bridget Jones-type girlie fiction or even blogs really but I've been impressed by the honesty displayed, the tone, tenor, intelligence and sensibility of the writing. So good luck w/ your book and your marriage and everything else, and take care.

Mike
April 13, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterwormfodder
Oh, i guess my comment wasn't very "insightful". Maybe i just didn't make it at the right time....maybe you'll find it more insightful in a few years. I'll make sure to check back then, see how your views about "a little on the side" have changed. Sorry i can't just say "Yes Monica! You are sooo right! The Surge would NEVER cheat on you! Even if he does, just forgive him! LOVE will conquer ALL!"
Sometimes it's the comments that we don't like from people that are the ones we need to hear the most. Bash my views and comments all you want but a few years down the road, it's me you'll remember....
April 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJoan
You sound like you're disappointed in life, and you're just trying to justify the fact that you're not getting what you really want. I can relate, but that doesn't change the fact that you're too naive and too cynical at the same time.
April 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterWilliam
Actually William, you and Joan sound like the ones that are disappointed with life. Monica sounds anything but naive. She sounds like she's aware of the potential but if it did happen it wouldn't be a dealbreaker for her. She said she's not worried about it. Not because it would never happen but because if it did she'd work though it. Sounds like Joan is the one that has the sad little "keep my husband on a chain" life outlook.
April 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAimee
hahaha If only you knew who my husband is-let's just say he's definitely not on a chain! But you sure are a pal to defend you pal! Cheers!
April 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJoan
Obviously you're one of those types that like to say rude things under cover of internet, as you've been lurking around waiting for someone to comment on your bitchy comment. Let's just say-who gives a shit who your husband is. Oh, and wasn't it you that said "If a guy has a lot of freedom, he's gonna cheat sooner or later" Uh-oh, better start looking closer to home then.

"Cheers"

April 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAimee
Joan, I'm sure your husband is a swell fellow. Thanks for stopping by.
April 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMonica
Joan Cusack? Nah.

Joan of Arc? There's the whole 15th century problem.

Joan Rivers? Yup, definitely Joan Rivers.
April 17, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterereiberg
Didn't Joan River's husband commit suicide?
April 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAimee

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