I was on the phone last night with a friend of mine who lives in Happy Valley, (A.K.A Utah County) Utah.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Picking up my kids." He replies. "Come on kids!" He shouts to his three small children. Buckle in gang! If you're good we'll go to Wendy's maybe."
"You are SO suburban!" I shout.
"I most certainly am NOT!"
"Please..'buckle in and we'll go to Wendy's!' I mimic.. What kind of car are you driving? A Mercedes?"
"NO! NOT A Mercedes....." He pauses, "I SOLD THAT!"
"Well, what is it then?"
"Huh? What? What's that you say?"
"I said, A MAXIMA DAMMIT! But I'm not suburban. I'm tough and gritty." He giggles.
"Right. Well, at least it's not an S-U-V" I say. "Don't be ashamed. Suburban living can be nice. The word slides from my lips as if coated in tuna fish oil.
"Can we change the subject please, I am not all suburbaned out. Wait, hold on..." he tells me. "I'll have two Happy Meals with two Root Beers." He enunciates loudly into what is obviously a McDonalds intercom then returns to the phone. "I AM NOT SUBURBAN!"
I can only giggle. "Three kids? A Maxima? The Drive-Thru? Is that McDonalds in the parking lot of a strip mall or a WAL*MART lot??? Case closed."