Latest Podcast

Follow on Bloglovin

Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
You can also find Monica's writing here:
Search The Girl Who
« The Difference Between You And Me | Main | Sliding Doors »
Wednesday
Apr192006

It Is...

It is about six o'clock in the morning. It is not yet light. It is noon where The Surge is. It is hard being married to someone who travels all the time. It is tough sometimes, trying to think good thoughts while keeping the bad from crowding in. It is weird that I am awake. It is sad that I am watching FULL HOUSE at six in the morning. It is still better than the news. It is not always easy deciding what to share in this blog and what should remain private. It is getting light now, deep blue streaking across a bottomless ocean of a sky. It is my hope that I learn to not sweat the small stuff sooner rather than later. It is my goal to develop a thicker skin and not care so much what others think. It is my hope that I never communicate with The Surge's Ex ever again. It is also my hope that she and any acquaintances of hers choose to not log onto this blog anymore, from any computer. It is my decision not to share what has recently occurred to make me feel this way. It is my opinion that blogging details about silly girl drama would only prolong the juvenile behavior. It is still something that upsets me though. It is my option to block her computer from being able to access this blog although I can't stop her from posting on The Surge's message board under pseudonyms. It is clear to me I should have blocked her from logging on when I discovered she was reading this blog several times a day from very nearly the moment I started it. It is also my option to block her email address from my and my husband's accounts so she can never again pollute them with her manipulations. It is clear to me now that I was naive in assuming her intentions were ever anything but malicious. It is my decision not to spend so much time on The Internets now. It is time for me to walk my dog.

Reader Comments (133)

Delurking to tell you that you best not let some British twat keep you from blogging. How will I spend my work mornings?

Secondly, "It is" with great pleasure I share my theory:

The Surge dates twat and writes my least favorite Marah album. The Surge marries The Girl Who and puts out the best Marah album to date. Of course, that's just my humble opinion. Keep your head up!
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterRaj
hi monica
phew... i know that terrible feeling in my stomach of being in a situation like this. (for me it involves vicious fights/verbal attacks from my sister in law). i agree with the last comment- don't let it stop you from writing here. people like that just want to get a reaction. if you completely cut yourself off and never respond- and stop reading her comments and posts on the message boards (takes a lot of will power, which is sooo hard for me)-- you've got to get yourself in a mental state where you couldn't care less what she's doing or writing.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterlc
ps... i watch full house at 6am too, when i can't sleep...
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterlc
I was always a bit weirded out by the fact that she reads your blog every day and comments on it. It has to make you feel uncomfortable. Listen, you know firsthand (from the click by) that for someone to be logging into their ex-boyfriend's wife's blog every day - they've got to be in a bad place. Who cares what she does or thinks and DON'T STOP BLOGGING!
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAimee
It must be said here that operating a public website is basically an invitation to all the crazies out there. It comes with the turf. The Ex has every right to log on. Is it weird? Yes. But it's still what the internet is about. That fact aside, like Aimee said; who cares what she does or thinks, she obviously enjoys your writing if she keeps coming back for more.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSloopy
I've met all parties involved and to be honest with you Monica, I always felt like Serge dodged a bullet when he met you and escaped that debilitating relationship. Don't give it another thought. That girl is bad news. Love your blog.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterPhillyBilly
Come on! You have a blog. Don't want negative attention? Don't have a blog. Why have a public website, where you invite people to read, only to turn around and start picking and choosing your readers. Somebody above said it comes with the turf and it does.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJib
Yikes, you mean you know how often we check your blog?

Revised note to pathetic self:
1. play with kids more
2. stop eating Bavarian cream munchkins for breakfast
3. tell Leo to hide the easter m&ms
*4. limit surfing the net

sigh…

Oh, and I know this has been said a million different ways, but the malicious anonymous postings to your blog and other sites says a lot more about the poster than anything else.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterchrissy
Hey Monica. Chin up. All you need is my left hand grabbin your sweet butt as I feed you gelato on an Italian street by a very old statue. OK, maybe that aint all you need....but its a start.....and its going to happen. Mark my words.

I love you. Damn near everyone does. That in itself is reason for you to grin it out today.

Call ya later!

Au Revoir!

surge
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSurge
speaking of Full House at 6am, I can't believe I landed on Saved by the Bell at midnight last night. Is that weird? Never dreamed of this show being on any time cept early morn. hmm. Life, eh?
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterXmastime
On the bright side, if I were The Surge's ex- and read your blog lately, all I'd think is, "shit, he married an absolutely amazing person, and he's totally in love with her". As for blocking her from logging on, I'm all for it (not that you need anyone else's input!) -- if having her log on makes you uncomfortable then by all means, stop her from doing it. It's your blog. Your husband. Not hers.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered Commentersandra
"Beep ba beep ba ba ba Beep, Go Bayside!"

"I'd rather be rich than stupid."-Jack Handy.

Sometimes the people you are dealing with are both.

April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSicksadworld
xmastime always seems to nail it on the head .....

but fo real Monica you are great...and I really like what Raj had to say about the whole album thing....it's true...
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterBrian
oh, Jib, I don't know you, but your comment is infuriating. Having a blog isn't a free pass for people who read it to be assholes. I walk outside every day, but that doesn't mean I ask to be harrassed, either. Just because it "comes with the turf" doesn't mean it's right. If I could block being panhandled, I would.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterEmily
I'm with Emily, who has a pretty cool blog herself, if I'm not mistaken.

Jealousy is so sad, isn't it? What a waste of her life to be so concerned with yours in such a negative manner.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterEDW
Ahhhh, buck up little camper or else I will have the linguist drunk dial you and leave incoherant messages.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterCunning Linguist
Ahhh another great Monica post. Sometimes I feel that we are kindred spirits separated at birth. :) I totally know where you're coming from (with this...and many other posts). But you have to realize that this girl is just a sad, pathetic individual who needs to revel in the past. Don't let her BS get to you. :)
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterHelloMsKitty
MOnica,
I have no idea what happened with you and that wench but Know this - F*CK HER. Nevermind anything she has said or tried to do - let her be the obsessed stalker she wants to be and don't fret over it. Unfortunately we can't hide ourselves with places like Kinkos with Pc's etc. She will be logging in - and reading and trying to decipher. Live your life like she doesn't exist - because you know what - She doesn't! She's a starved squirrel in your world - who needs to let things go and recognize that Karma is a real bitch - the EVIL she TRYs will only come back to her 10 fold.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterIrene
I don't know what happened but I do know this - you tried to be nice to her even when you said it bothered you that she was logging on every day and made you feel like you couldn't write. I remember a while back when someone called her a jealous British douchebag and you defended her. You even took down The Click By because she asked. So, despite all of it, even the stuff you mentioned in The Click By, you know you tried to be nice. Let it go. She SO isn't worth your thoughts, your time, or even a mention in this blog.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterGemma
Besides, you married the hot rockstar.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterGemma
Just had to chime in after reading Raj's post. Fucking spot on, that. For what it's worth, Shame (particularly that backing vocal) is the worst part of Float Away. Makes my teeth hurt. Hope The Ex doesn't give you a bad taste for London.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSlobberdome
I know I wouldn't feel great if I had any one of my husband's exes read my blog. I think you are justified in feeling the way you do and if she is harassing you and making you feel crappy about writing, you have the right to disable her from reading your blog. If she's going to play nice and not be a douche bag, then there's nothing to worry about, but if she's being negative, insulting and insipid, kick her ass.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterPhoe
I agree with others.

HA HA The Surge, grabbing your ass while eating a gelato. Ahhh...damn you lucky woman you! And to think you can grab his ass too. PFFF! HA!

Well, I'm down to reading 1...so many more to go. Chin up....you have the man's heart now. Don't let the one who doesn't have his heart anymore get to you. Jealousy is a terrible thing.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterFiabug
Long time reader, first time poster. First and foremost, I adore your blog. Second - figured I'd chime in here. My husband is a rabid Marah van (which is how I found the blog). We were introduced to the ex at a show in Philadelphia. The record release party for 20,000 streets. She was very cold and rude. When I met you (you probably don't remember what with the Jagermeister and all) you pulled me onto the dance floor at Bowery Ballroom and made me dance. That, to me speaks volumes. Keep up the hilarious writing. Both my husband and I are hooked and you've ignited several excellent conversations at our dinner table (peeing with the door open, masturbation and women who put out then turn frigid when they land the guy)

Michelle
miche75@hotmail.com
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle
oops! my husband is a Marah fan not a van. But I'm sure if he could be a van he'd be Adrian :)
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle
Screw that english chippy...don't let her dissuade you from blogging, we love you.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterslc urban princess
I've got to agree with those who say 'thems the brakes' when you have a blog. Anyone who has a website needs to gear up for that kind of thing and I think crappy comments are fair game. Don't like it, don't enable comments. The problem it seems to me is if she was emailing you or your derogatory emails. By all means, block the girl from contacting you.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterDarias
<<HA HA The Surge, grabbing your ass while eating a gelato. Ahhh...damn you lucky woman you!>>

yeah, like that would be a big deal. ;)

I'd like to comment how sweet I think it was for the rocker to give props to his woman. And you KNOW we love you Monica. You are one with us :) You've always welcoming, warm and sweet. Plus you let us oogle your rock star hubby and never once have complained.

(ps..and I must say the same for Dave's woman....the oggling especially. Thanks Kate!)

(pss..I only say that about Dave's woman, so when we marry, I wont have a crazy rocker chick reading *my* blog.) KIDDING ;)
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterTabatha
Michelle's husband here. When I read this post I immediately called her. When she first met the ex she commented afterward how cold the girl was. Anyway, I'm glad the serge found the girl who inspired him in so many new and creative ways. Rock on!
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJS
enjoy the walk.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterkasey
Uh, why are you having to deal with so much shit from this girl? Isn't there anyone who can put her in her place? Like your hubby perhaps? Or maybe this is something she might want..for him to contact her so that's a bad idea. Anyway, when people can't get positive energy from others, they'll settle for negative energy which is better than no energy at all. You've given her too much already. Practice indifference. Don't let her affect your life or mood. Vibrate high like you usually do!
As for blocking her computer from your blog..this is quite unrealistic. She can mask her IP address or just access it from any other computer.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterEvangelia
don't let the bitchy ex-grilfriend stop you from blogging! i always tell myself that i hope "she" (aiden's ex) finds my blog and realizes that if it wasn't for her she'd be as happy as me - but too late now!

;)

Fell better!

PS Full House Rocks any time of day
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterCharlotte
Damn I feel a bit sick from a 'flu shot.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer Cascadia
So. Having been aware of your dealings with she who shall remain nameless from the time you first communicated with her (need I say I told you so?) and having read the absurd email she recently sent your husband and the wicked emails she sent you I must say I applaud your restraint in the above post. Here's the thing, let's not ever talk about her again. It's SUCH a waste. She's yucky. She treated The Surge like shit and was shocked that he finally left her for someone far classier. Let it go now and don't let her wannabe ass stop you from writing. It's your passion.
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterK
I am itching to know the name she posted under on the Marah board! I know. I am a gossip whore :)
April 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle
You didn't take down the Click By did you? Put it back!! I live in Britain, and while most of the people here are the shiznit, some of them are downright stupid up-their-own-arses Essex trash (you know who you are and aren't!) who need to pull their trousers up and learn how to speak proper English, innit!! Remember... flaming dog poop. And don't let some jealous, obsessive, pathetic woman who can't see fit to get a life of her own stop you from living yours and writing about it for the rest of us non-psychos to enjoy and commiserate with you on.
April 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterDarcie
K, you are so clearly one of Monica's best friends because this is exactly what you need to hear your best friend say. This is the perfect advice and nothing else said is going to top it.
April 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterEDW
Darcie - she took down The Click By a long time ago, my guess is because the ex didn't like it. But a few weeks ago it reappeared in the girl who section.
April 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAimee
my goodness, The Surge travels so much! It must be difficult. My husband works for a internet company and has to travel all the time (nowhere near as cool as rockstar) but still, I know how bad it sucks. Try to occupy yourself with a project. That's generally what I do. Lots of exercise and try to find a really great book to keep you busy. Plus, of course, a good girls night out can save your sanity :)

April 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSera
I think you should re post The Click By- don't let anyone censor you, especially her
April 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSusan
You know who I miss???
April 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSicksadworld
Xmastime?
April 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterXmastime
Hiyooooo!
April 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSicksadworld
plus, I think Im the only dude who ever chose Jesse over Kelly Kapowski back in the day. well, me and AC Slater.
April 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterXmastime
Actually, if you recall...When slater moved to town, he liked Kelly. However, turns out Kelly is a racist nazi and chose Zach over AC, forcing him to take over extra-large leftover Jessie. Don't you remember the episonde when Kelly said "I don't date Mexicans?"
April 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSicksadworld
Slater always did wear those overthetop gay acid-washed jeans that had RUFFLES in em, remmebr those? wow. and his Pop was in the Army, let him outta the house like that??!?!!?!?!
April 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterXmastime
There's a name for those pants...hmmmmm.
April 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSicksadworld
I, in fact was a Jesse fan as well!!!!
April 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterBrian
Xmastime : Which Bayside student best represents you?
April 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterBrian
Don't worry Monica, she's just who in italy we call troia..and when you'll be in italy with serge i'll explain what's the meaning..even if it's easy to understand!!!
don't stop post...italy and florence are waiting for you guys!!!
enrico
April 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterEnrico
Comments for this entry have been disabled. Additional comments may not be added to this entry at this time.