So, like, yeah. We've all suffered the indignity of sitting at home in pajamas, stroking the inside of nostrils, dog licking blackened feet bottoms, television singing it's prime time siren song whilst our roommate answers the door to her delivery of a dozen roses. Bitch. But I submit to you, being single on V-Day ain't a bad place to find one's self. You have no expectations. As Dickens opined in a rather lengthy tome, those damn Great Expectations'll getcha every time. Or something like that.
Use this time to kick back and appreciate the fact you've got a wallet full of cash you didn't spend on stuffed animals that go to the dogs (literally) or roses that wilt faster than a boner once it's owner gets an eyeful of the cost for a dozen long-stem red.
Lest ye think I'm a Valentine downer let me explain. I am not a Smarmy McSmarmerson who rages against the commercialization of the "Hallmark Holiday" for lovers. I think it's a nice idea. Who doesn't love a day that celebrates love, I ask you? Ain't nothin' wrong with a coupla candy hearts and sexy lingerie either.. Just don't lose your head over it. Write a letter.. slide it in a plain ol' envelope, smear on some Gwen Stefani red and seal it with a kiss. Good 'nuff. He'll love it. If you're a HE, she may not appreciate you using her lipstick.. but the letter advice still holds up.
Don't break a leg hustling out to an expensive dinner in your finest wares.. the evening will inevitibly turn on you like that bitch New Year's Eve. You know her. That slut. Always with the promise of high hopes.. "Just come, you'll have so much fun.. You know you want to" and "It won't be like last year when you passed out at 11:30 after a fight with your mate and woke up in a pile of your own sick.." But does our lady Eve ever deliver? Hell no. She's as big a tease as that minx Mandy Moore... I know a naughty girl lurks behind those rosy apple cheeks.. but I'll be damned if she doesn't keep churning out banal chick flicks.
My advice? Avoid lover letdown AND corporation corroboration this year... Write a nice letter, hide a few notes in your sweetheart's pockets, put lipstick kisses on the mirror, bust out the lingerie - old or new - I assure you he's cool with any ol' negligee you dig out. Again, if you're the HE in your twosome, the lingerie thing may not go over so well.. but you never know... Most importantly, tell 'em you love their annoying ass, have rockin' sex before you go to bed and call it a day. Valentines Day.
P.S. Since the mountain won't come to Mohammed, this Mrs. Mohammed is off to the damned mountain.. Ready your finest Jagermeister Pittsburgh, cuz I'm hittin' the road in search of The Surge and his band of merry misfits A.K.A. Marah.