Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
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Thursday
Nov022006

There's A New Sheriff In Town

And he goes by the handle Max 'round these parts. He's also known as The Bathroom Inspector. The Inspector, well, he's a little particular about the bathroom. He likes to know what's going on at all times.
Just you try it. Try and sneak to the bathroom without his knowledge. He'll come down on you harder than Mom when she caught me gettin' felt up by my first boyfriend. He is not fucking around.
"What's goin' on in here?"
"Everything's cool, sir."
"Are you sure? Do I need to come in there? Maybe I better come in and supervise."
"No, no. Everything's fine
"Oh. I see. Well you won't mind if I just sit here and watch then."
"Uh.. okay."
"Number one or number two?"
"Just one, sir."
"You need toilet paper?"
"Nope, I'm all set."
"Well, you don't mind if I just pull all the toilet paper off the roll then? Or maybe just chew it up. You know how I really enjoy doing that when you're busy. It relaxes me.
"Max.. No - "
"And clean up in there. That's where I drink most of my water."

"That's just disgusting."
"Oh please lady. I've seen you throw away cookie dough then fish it outta the trash can. You're one to talk. Besides, I ALWAYS wash my paws afterward."

Reader Comments (13)

oooo what a total cutie!!!!
November 2, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterShannon
I had to show this to my husband. Our dog (a lab) will not let us go into the bathroom without escorting us. He does not like to be left out of any household activity.
November 2, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJenna
You make me want a dog of my own. He's got such personality!
November 2, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterdesiree
How proper! He washes his paws. Love Max, love the blog! If you want to blog you've got to develop a thick skin. Rude people are just the nature of the internet.
November 2, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle
Awww....I miss the Max posts on here!

November 2, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterFiabug
Oh my God. This was the funniest Max post so far, and not just because of the photos. It was the Max voice that I could practically hear in my mind as I was reading--thanks to your writing/humor--that did it for me. Keep up the Max posts, please. I love reading them.
November 3, 2006 | Unregistered Commentermm
ha ha!!

Just like my boy...The Buffoon!

I was rumbling on the floor with him earlier and I blew on his face - this sends him mental and he accidently scratched my face with his big rough paws. I went into the bathroom to examine the damage in the mirror on the back of the bathroom door...he followed me and ...pushed the door open and smacked me in the nose!
November 3, 2006 | Unregistered Commentersfh
So glad you're still blogging. Thanks for my morning laugh. You have a special way of bringing out your dog's personality through words and photographs.
November 3, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAimee
Max is the best. You got a few funny photos there. Labs are amazing dogs. I had a yellow lab growing up. Jetson was the coolest dog.
November 3, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJay
Awwwww. Max should start his own blog. We could hear a Max story a day. That's what bums me out about living in New York City. It's super hard to own a big dog. Especially when you live on the fifth floor and don't live near a dog park. So what's with "The Surge's Story"? over there on the side? Is the rock boy going to start blogging?
November 3, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterGemma
I really like this picture teller skit. Its really cute. I wonder if the inpector has come down on any visitors as of late..
November 4, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMichael
inspector
November 4, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMichael
It is funny son of a bitch! LOL
November 4, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterHam A K

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