Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
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Monday
Oct232006

What Will Be, Will Be

August 3, 2003

Today marks ten months since I met Andy. What a crazy yet productive year it's been. I'm sitting atop a mountain in Millcreek Canyon. I believe I'm in the Alexander Basin with, of course, my trusty sidekick, Max. He is getting so big. He turned four months yesterday. He's forty pounds and growing.

Andy has totally come clean with me. He isn't certain I'm the girl for him because he isn't sure we share the same interests... So he says. Such as camping, hiking etc.. He was afraid we'd get married and I'd want to stay home and watch T.V. all the time and he is the ultimate Mountain Man. I can't say I blame him.

For some reason I fancy myself some sort of sporty, outdoorsy chick. That is so not the case, as I have found out. The last couple months have been a real eye opener. I have been so afraid of being poor, like my Mom, or relying on some guy to take care of me that I have spent the first half of my twenties focusing on earning a living. Since I am farther along in my career than most my age I have considered myself well rounded - and I'm not. I haven't persued any hobbies or personal interests at all. I've slept and worked and that's all. No wonder Andy lost interest.

So I'm turning over a new leaf. For myself. Not Andy. Fuck him for now. He's been entirely too critical of me lately. I am going to become the person I've always wanted to be and I'm going to do it on my own.

Andy is going to New Zealand for one month. He leaves tomorrow. He's testing ski bindings for Black Diamond. I'm relieved he's going. I am so tired of thinking about him. What will be, will be. Max says hello.

Monica

Reader Comments (16)

Good post! Monica, I can't wait to read your book(s)! Have a great day!
October 24, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterHen
...Andy wasn't the guy for you..... The Surge is it!
October 24, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterKaren D.
I have a list of guys like that...the ones I liked but were into different leisure pursuits than me. Isn't it great to be married to someone who will sit on the couch with you and watch TV? (She writes, while sitting on the couch and watching TV with her husband.)
October 24, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterEDW
Great post for me right now. There has to be SOME reason the ones you think should work out do not work out. Right? Yes, right.... Yes. You found The Surge, sheesh, there has got to be SOMEONE out there, right?
October 24, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterHales
It's nice to know you wanted things to work out so badly with this guy but if they had you would have never met your husband. Makes a girl feeling down and out in love feel so much better. Thanks for this.
October 24, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJ
...reading both stories: you are strong woman Monica, really you are. I think the best is that your mistakes were taught you how made step by step through your life, to be happier and happier day by day. that's great!. these are my rules as well and I keep saying this everyday to avoid the same mistakes.
October 25, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterana
did I just hear that yesterday? "I think we are just too different" coming out of my boyfriend's (or maybe I should say ex-boyfriend's) mouth.
What will be, will be - I agree with that. It hurts all the same sometimes!
October 25, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterkiaora
I hate to be the one to come out and say what we're all thinking, but...Andy sounds like "the one", no? Who's with me????!!!
October 25, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterXmastime
Xmastime is right. "The one who ran away."

*insert inappropriately mean yet hillarious comment re: monica's exboyfriend*
October 25, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSicksadworld
rock guys are better than skiers and the surge is way hot and funny. you did good. andy who?

http://www.powderwhore.com/pics.html
October 25, 2006 | Unregistered Commentercitydweller
Ooooo! Which Andy is it?
October 25, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAimee
Monica, does it not creep you out that people can track your past over the internet? It's a little weird.
October 25, 2006 | Unregistered Commenteranonymous
Relax. It's all in fun. I think anything on the internet is fair game. Monica hasn't ever been one to hold back anyway. If she minded she can easily delete the link.
October 25, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAimee
I am sorry but i do not understand. A new boyfriend??? I was thinking you was maried to this rockstar? I hope this "Andy" is worthy of this "upbreaking". ?
October 25, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterHamad al-Khalifa
do you ever participate in those Cringe readings?
October 25, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterbloggadocio
I love reading your old journal entries. It's interesting to see how far (or not) you've come. You would be perfect for those Cringe readings! Especially since you've been keeping a journal since you were little. All those entries about Corey Haim and Kirk Cameron! I think I remember a Milli Vanilli mention a time or two.
October 25, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterGemma

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