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Monica Bielanko
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Wednesday
Oct112006

Thoughts Meander Like A Restless Wind Inside A Letterbox

I've recently developed a fear of watching someone get hit by a car. I suppose it comes from witnessing so many close calls. I bare witness to near death by vehicle or even bicycle at least once a day. I am certain I will be standing there stupidly when some Ipod wearing idiot stumbles into the path of an oncoming taxi or crazed bicyclist. I'll freeze, rooted to the spot, horrified as the pedestrian flips into the air, arms akimbo, Ipod launches in one direction, shoes in the other and I'll have to rush to their aid when all I really want to do is run in the other direction.

THE NO INSURANCE FEAR:

Lately I've also fallen victim to visions of me tripping on the sidewalk and landing on my teeth. Yes, I said teeth. Somehow, I am terrified I'll trip going down the subway steps (it's happened before), walking down the sidewalk (mmhmm.. this too) or just standing there (yup). I am clumsy. For some reason, when I envision this little scenario my arms don't absorb the fall and I land on my teeth, shattering them like a dropped lightbulb.

Perhaps this fear comes from the uncomfortable knowledge that I have no insurance. No medical, no dental.. nothin'. I'm afraid I'll shatter my teeth and be forced to walk around smiling all close-lipped, gumming things down or risk looking like a Ferangi from Star Trek. Perhaps I'll begin wearing a surgical mask a la Michael Jackson and claim it's a chic, New York bohemian fashion statement. Soon you will see Kate Moss, Nicole Richie and all the It Girls sporting surgical masks in the Stars: They're Just Like Us sections of the tabloid rags. Here's Jessica Simpson going tanning in her trendy blue surgical mask! And there's Mischa Barton buying produce in her pink mask! And you can say you knew me back when.

The No Insurance Fear is so powerful that last week I had a toothache that I willed away. Seriously. I just said Tooth, you cannot ache. I cannot afford to get you looked at and God forbid you need a root canal or there will be hell to pay. Because, Tooth, if in fact you do need a root canal it will have to be done homestyle by The Surge with a pair of pliers and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Trust me, Tooth, that is not something you want to be a part of. The Surge is not known for his handy capabilities. If you need a VCR hooked up, he is NOT your guy. However, if you want to chew on a killer stir fry, Tooth, you can feel safe in the knowledge that he's the man for you.

I'll be goddamned if the little molar fucker quit making a racket immediately - or "ee-mee-jut-lee" as Grandma would pronounce. Go on, say it. I know you want to. "EE-MEE-JUT-LEE" That's how Grandma says it. As in, "Take me to a bathroom EE-MEE-JUT-LEE! I have to go at the toilet!" Grandma is prone to saying things like "are ya comin' over home today? I'd love to see ya. I'll heat up the soup I made last week and then we can go at the fabric shop and pick some colors fur yer quilt."
Awww Grandma. Now I'm homesick for popcorn balls (pronounced pop-CARN ballz), cuckoo clocks, grandfather clocks, fetching Grandma a "big onion" from the "Fruit Room" (Fruit Room - Grandma's euphemism for pantry), and clinging to the dashboard of Grandma's car as she grinds the clutch into powder.. all in our search for the right bolt of fabric.

IN WHICH THE JOB SEARCH CONTINUES:

Yes, the search for a job continues. Have some good leads. Last week I applied for The Greatest Job Ever that has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with news. Yay! I have yet to hear back. Fingers crossed.

Reader Comments (20)

AAwww you make me miss my grandma as well, but I don't miss her telling me I am fat! LOL
That whole insurance thing, I lived with my whole life until I got the job I have now! Now it's like I get a cough, let's go see Dr. Samms (he is HOT!).
NO dental insurance, that is way expensive! Thank god my boyfriend offered to kick some money and get all my CAVITIES filled in, good lord!
October 11, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJen
I have a fear of getting my heels caught on a barstool. Like I will stand up and get the heel cuaght on the footrest and fall flat on my face. I worry about it everytime I go out!
October 11, 2006 | Unregistered Commentersimplechaos
I have a fear of papercuts. When I start to think about them, I can't stop thinking about them. But I am an English teacher so that sorta makes sense. Good luck with the job hunt.
October 11, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJB
I am afraid I will hit someone with a car. Maybe a kid who wanders into the street to get his ball or something. Then I'll have to live with knowing I killed a kid for the rest of my life. Irrational fears, aren't they great? I am betting you will get the job of your dreams very soon! Don't give up.
October 11, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterGemma
I used to have recurrent dreams where all my teeth fall out. When I go mountain biking, I have a nagging fear of falling on my face & knocking my front teeth out. (It happened to my half-sis' boyfriend.) After all the money I'm spending on braces, I'll be damned if I'm knocking any of these suckers out. I'd much rather break a bone.
Good luck w/ the Greatest Job Ever...hope it pans out.
October 11, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterChrissy
Did they make their way across the universe?
October 11, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterRubin
The other day I was trotting along the packed sidewalk and turned to go down a different street... BAM--> I was DOWN, spread eagle on the sidewalk.

Some stoopid delivery guy tripped me with his dolly. I had no warning before the sideswipe and couldn't react for the fall, but no injuries, just bruises.

I was amazed that my Potty Mouth failed me and all I could say to the jerk was, 'watch yourself'. If I didn't have insurance I probably would have lost my mind and whooped him.
October 11, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterKaren D.
I have a fear of getting hit in the face with a flying tampon...mmmm...I wonder where that comes from? Ha ha....

Fingers crossed for you on the best job ever Monica.
October 11, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterRichelle
I'm really sorry that you cant find a job. Honestly. That really sucks. You seem really talented. The unemploymenet insurance I think runs out after a year or somthing? Right people? Anyways. I know what its like not to have any money as well. When I first got out of school I couldnt get a job anywhere. I had to work for free as an "intern" just to get the training. Lived off leftover student loans. Geez. I hope you get a job soon.
October 11, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMichael
...landing on my teeth, get hit by a car or a truck on motorway, jezus, I've had the same fear for ages maybe it's because I'm clumsy or I'm so out of luck or listening the news of a bad accidents they hit us everyday. Self-knowledge kills me sometimes!

p.s. Fingers crossed!!! :)
October 12, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterana
You could get a rubber mouthguard from a sports place -- or maybe just a pair of those waxy big lips would give you a sense of comfort when you are walking down the street.

j
October 12, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterjls
jls, your comment made me laugh. I can just picture Monica with a big rubber mouth guard, dodging through the crowd flinging tampons at anyone who gets in her way.

My fingers are crossed for you Monica!
October 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAimee
Rubin - I don't know... depends where you're typing from...
October 12, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonicaBielanko
A colleague of mine saw 3 people get killed in the space of 45 min on the upper west side on Tuesday evening. The first two got sideswept by two colliding buses on Broadway and 72nd and then as my colleague was leaving Fairway, he saw a woman get run over! Supposedly she was trying to cross the road, decided that she should turn around (big mistake) and got run over by an oncoming truck that didn't have the chance to predict her turnaround. What are the chances?
October 12, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterek
Now that I'm unemployed, I'm willing away allergies and sinus infections and flossing like a madwoman. I can't afford a hangnail much less a dentist appointment.

Oh, I'm also afraid of seing people get squished, now that I live in San Francisco instead of little old Charleston. When my husband was looking at the apartment, he actually saw this man riding on the outside of the streetcar get his arm smeared between the streetcar and a bus they passed too closely. How gross is that? Almost grosser than being hit by flying tampons.
October 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJemima
I've always been afraid of seeing something like that too.
October 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMichael
I'm not sure if this applies to daydreams too, but...

Teeth dreams:
One theory is that dreams about your teeth reflect your anxiety about your appearance and how others perceive you. Sadly, we live in a world where good looks are valued highly and your teeth play an important role in conveying that image. Teeth are used in the game of flirtations, whether it be a dazzling and gleaming smile or affectionate necking. These dreams may stem from a fear of your sexual impotence or the consequences of getting old. Teeth are an important feature of our attractiveness and presentation to others. Everybody worries about how they appear to others. Caring about our appearance is natural and healthy.

Another rationalization for these falling teeth dream may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some specific situation. These dreams are an over-exaggeration of your worries and anxiety.

Teeth are used to bite, tear, chew and gnaw. In this regard, teeth represent power. And the loss of teeth in your dream may be from a sense of powerlessness. Are you lacking power in some current situation? Perhaps you are having difficulties expressing yourself or getting your point across. You feel frustrated when your voice is not being heard. You may be experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence in some situation or relationship in your life. This dream is an indication that you need to be more assertive and believe in the value of your own opinion.

In the latest research, it has been shown that women in menopause have frequent dreams about teeth. This may be related to getting older and/or feeling unattractive and less feminine.

Traditionally, it was thought that dreaming that you did not have teeth, represent malnutrition which may be applicable to some dreamers.

Other Perspectives

A scriptural interpretation for bad or falling teeth indicate that you are putting your faith, trust, and beliefs in what man thinks rather than in the word of God. The bible says that God speaks once, yea twice in a dream or a vision in order to hide pride from us, to keep us back from the pit, to open our ears (spiritually) and to instruct and correct us.

In the Greek culture, when you dream about loose, rotten, or missing teeth, it indicates that a family member or close friend is very sick or even near death.

According to the Chinese, there is a saying that your teeth will fall out if your are telling lies.

It has also been said that if you dream of your teeth falling out, then it symbolizes money. This is based on the old tooth fairy story. If you lose a tooth and leave it under the pillow, a tooth fairy would bring you money.
October 12, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterbrownie
I have the falling-out-teeth dreams all the time, and I hate them. It definately feels like an anxiety dream when I have one
October 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterKaren D.
Monica,

I have been reading your blog for months. Just thought I should send you a shout out of appreciation and congratulations, for your adroit writing, stories, photos, little viddies, etc. I sort of inverse relate to you, as I am a city girl now living in the Rockies, and my husband is a nerdy engineer, not a rock star, and I love him just as wildly as you do yours. My current fear is that my precious dog will be bitten by a rattle snake, fall on a cactus, and, tear his paw pads on the rocks, all at once. Or that an enormous avalanche will swoop down and kill everyone I love, while I am inside drinking coffee in my socks. I spy on people's groceries too. I just saw the male version of your lady last night; portly, unshaven, 40 something, sweatpants, unlaced Sorrels, frozen sausage pizza, chocolate ice cream, Milk Bones, and tp.

Fond regards,
Annie
October 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

We don't Electronic Supplies know what the pilot actually said yet (AFAIK), laptop battery but he may have wanted to maintain order with a less "inflammatory" statement.  The seat was on fire and the gold watches man's legs severely burned, so I'd doubt any passenger Swiss Replica Watches actually believed it was just some black cat laptop accessories firecrackers.

July 30, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlaptop accessories

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