Wednesday
Jan042006
Excessive or Repressive
The sexual climate in my apartment is Arctic. As frigid as a bitter January morning... Actually, it's me that's frigid, the apartment, it's toasty like flannel pj's. My sex life is as steady as Max on a greasy surfboard. My sexual appetite is in turns ravenous and peckish. That's no reflection on The Surge mind you. The man is a closet nymphomaniac.. Not really, but the rockboy loves lovin'. Oh god - I am squeamishly anticipating his reaction to this blog.
But I need to know, who the fuck are these libidinous women who love to get it on? The Samanthas of the world who wax poetic about their coitus comportment while I sit silently, sipping my Diet Coke, wondering if my inhibited Mormon upbringing affects my attitude toward sex.
Perhaps it was the messy abortion when I was seventeen that ushered in a decade of sexual complexes...Maybe it was Grandma sternly advising me not to let those boys touch my pussy cat or suffer God's wrath.. It could be my brother repeatedly calling me a slut when I had yet to allow a boys' eagerly clammy hands under the flimsy training bra for a grope.. Like a difficult puzzle, I have all the pieces facing upward, I just can't seem to fit them together to see the big picture... Whatever it is, my attitude toward fucking swings between excessive and repressive.
Who are these wanton women of the world who consistently crave sex more than my intense longing for Doritos in the midst of an awesomely horrific bout with PMS? Are they for real? Or is their rampant rapaciousness a finely constructed facade? Like two college girls tonguing at a party for the benefit of goggling frat boys, the promise of sexual capriciousness is merely the worm at the end of the fishing line. Once the boy bites, he's a fish out of water when trying to navigate the turbulent waters of the womans' real sexual nature.
Men can get their fuck on from a simple visual - a girl on the street, a picture in a magazine, a cartoon character (a male acquaintance who shall remain nameless once confessed to jacking off to Betty Boop).. Women need more. But what that 'more' is, I can't figure out.
I don't fuck for a shot to the old self esteem, can masterfully masturbate myself to orgasm.. And no it isn't the foreplay I'm after. I don't require foreplay, I generally like to get down to business as quickly as possible - all that namby pamby licking is for dogs.. Let's rock this and lets rock it now is the theory I generally subscribe to.
I am impatient in life and in love.. let us get to the delicious friction and thrusting already - like I said, repressive or excessive. And while the repressive is depressive, the excessive often feels fake. Many times I feel like I'm an actress playing a role, whispering the dirty nothings I've heard via porn, gyrating like the strippers men pay to see.
Maybe it's not the sex but the intimacy I fear.. the lionhearted act of allowing someone to see, touch, taste and feel me at my most vulnerable - but that's not quite it either.
Will sex ever feel as natural as eating or bathing or will I always feel excessive or repressive because I didn't grow up free wheeling around some nude commune learning to embrace my sexuality with fellow hippies called Moonbeam and Sunflower.
Sex/Lack Thereof
Reader Comments (21)
Hell, I just wish I even had a friend with benefits right now. Something would be nice. I have the urge. I could be a "Samantha" I suppose. It's there! I just don't have anyone or have met anyone I'm willing to go that far with.
I am still on the learning curve of my sexuality. I think many women go through this even while married to the love of their life or whatever. Your not a lone.
"The depo shot OR the patch. Aargh!! Like we need extra hormones!"
LOL I hear ya. I have never been on any kind of birth control. I don't know if I could handle being on any. My mom would certainly say my hormones are already all over the place. :)
Later,
CChild
Interesting perspectives, ladies.
CH
I still am not a Samantha Jones. I have played with the birth control - same deal when off as well as on. I always figured it's the media making all these women look like horn dogs, when in fact I think more are like moi. Nice to read that I may in fact be correct!
My point? Seems normal to me.
I loved that comment..
Right now I'm twenty pounds heavier than I've been in my life, which hasn't exactly put me in the "who wants to perform oral sex on me?" state of mind. But...I suppose it could be worse.
You're merely living the ho-hum of every day life. The "when it's always there you don't want it" scenario. Just keep thinking about the nights that you can't spend with your husband, and how lonely it gets without him. If you need to, watch a porno or two while at work before you get home. I find that asstraffic.com has great free sample videos.
What?