Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
You can also find Monica's writing here:
Search The Girl Who
« Do I Suck At Blowing? | Main | I Am Home Now »
Sunday
Jan152006

I Will Cut You

Awww fuck it. I slept on it and I still feel the same way. So eat it.

I'm a nice girl. Really I am. But fuck with my dog and I will cut you. Fuck with my husband and I will cut you. Fuck with my family and I will cut you. Fuck with my friends and I will cut you. And finally, fuck with my husband's band and I will cut you. I do however,reserve the right to fuck with all of the above to my heart's delight. I've earned that small pleasure, at least.

The Surge gave up a conventional lifestyle to devote his heart and soul to Marah. Big deal, you say. Yes. It is. A VERY BIG DEAL.

The man continually battles his inner demons. The ones that hiss insidious sentiments at him in the dark of night. The ones that vociferously whisper he is a grown-up now and needs to get a proper job. The ones that insinuate pledging allegiance to Marah is time squandered because it will never amount to more than a couple thousand devoted fans. And that just don't pay the bills, does it? Then there are the demons that wrap around his throat like weed vines, the ones that choke his breath from him, feast on his heart and mind, reminding him he will never make a solid living playing in his band because the music industry is a corrupt bunch of double-dealing, talentless-starlet-ass-kissing, criminals who wouldn't know good music if it smacked them on their saggy, white, dimpled asses.

And so, I think I should warn you: If I hear you bad mouthing my husband, his band or even the music, I will cut you. I may look girly but I am a scrappy motherfucker. And if you think I am above slicing your achilles tendons with a box cutter in a dark and smoky bar, think again. The Surge has to be kind to naysayers, has to smile politely as drunk bargoers ask him what the fuck he was thinking when he spent years of his life making Float Away. I don't.

At the tender age of 16 I faced off with my Mom in the garage of my childhood home armed with a chunk of firewood. Her weapon of choice? A snow shovel. You can only imagine what I'm capable of now.

I am not interested in engaging in debates regarding my husband's music. I don't care if you think Float Away is over produced. I don't care if you think Dave should have lead vocals on Sooner or Later. I don't care if you think Pizzeria is crap. I don't want to hear it and will not entertain your discussions.

In the same way you wouldn't tell the mother of an artist debuting his works at a gallery that his paintings are underwhelming, don't even hint at your dislike of Marah in front of me. Take it to the message board, tell your friends, or inform your grandma that Marah isn't doing it for you... But I am completely devoted to my husband and his career so you will do well to keep your snide comments to a computer screen or granny.

That said, you are certainly entitled to your opinion, but you best not utter it in my vicinity, because, like I said, I may have a box cutter delicately tucked into my shoe.

Reader Comments (47)

I have never posted but wanted to say I love this one. My boyfriend is in a band here in the city and people say things in front of me - like they want me to hear it and tell my boyfriend? like I care what they think? I found you through Greek Tragedy and have been a loyal reader ever since.
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterGemma
That was hilarious! I will cut you. That cracks me up. I love your sense of humor.
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJAY
Forget the post, did you see the, ahem, picture? You and your friends are beautiful and your loyalty to your husband is admirable.
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMatrix
Oh yes she is, a scrappy little lass, true we have squared off a time or two, and I won't get in her way, and wouldn't get in her way if someone says a derogatory remark about certain things, namely Marah, the Bielanko's or the Butler's. Sure, we can say whatever WE want, but better never hear you say anything. Won't be held responsible.
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered Commentermama
I read all of your blogs and love them. But this one I'm not so sure about. So no one can have a differing opinion about Marah? Isn't that what music is about? Perceptions, discussions etc.
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterA Fan
Glad you like the blog. Of course folks can have differing opinions about Marah! My point is, I think sharing negative feelings about my husband's band with me is in poor taste and won't be tolerated. Go share morose musical meanderings about Marah (how 'bout that for an awesome alliteration?) elsewhere..
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMonica
Very well said and, unfortunately, all you can really do is distance yourself from these sloths (or cut them ------out of your life ?) somehow.
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterfrom one Butler to another
Did someone post rude things about the band?
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterA Fan
Nah... I just run into a couple tacky folks at every show who loooove to let me know how the music just isn't doing it for them. Figured I'd finally respond.
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMonica
People actually come up to you and tell you they don't like The Surge's band?! That IS rude and you should cut them!

Love, love love your blog!
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterDelilah
That's when I ask those that like to berate Marah, "Why the fuck are you here?"

If they are going to down Marah, to someone who is close to one of the boys in the band, they picked the wrong person. Sorry gang but we close to the band are a bit biased and well don't take dogging the band very lightly. So the key here as Monica said is Don't do it not to her or someone close.


January 15, 2006 | Registered CommenterFiabug
I read this blog every day, and while I find Monica insightful I am not quite sure who you are Fiabug? I find your comments long and unintelligible and wonder that nobody has commented on your comments.
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterRobin
"sorry gang but we close to the band"?

sheesh - maybe us "outsiders" should go somewhere else.
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterA Fan
I didn't mean it that way A Fan. Sorry if it came out that way. The fans are great. But is it right for fans to come to us that are close to someone in the band (sorry but they do have family) and dog the band to us? And we have to listen to it. No, it's not.

As for you Robin, I really don't care. I don't write for you.
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterFiabug
I knew it was likely this blog would get misconstrued. For the most part, it was tongue in cheek... I am A TAD annoyed with folks who make snide comments about Marah in my company and an incident at Asbury Park the other night sent me over the edge, that's all.

Everyone is "close" to Marah. Marah is the people's band and I'm not trying to foster some silly heirarchy about who is closer to what... that's just stupid. I also appreciate musical discussions.. really I do. I'm just a bit protective after seeing how much these guys suffer through to get an album out there. Please don't take the "I will cut you" parts of the blog seriously... You are supposed to laugh...
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMonica
I don't want to be rude, but I agree with Robin. I just read Monica's story about the abortion in No Sex Before Marriage and I was appalled at the first comment from Fiabug raving about how keeping her baby was the best thing she ever did. Um - maybe not the best time to comment about that after someone has just posted a heartbreaking story about getting an abortion? Oh - and we get it already, you know somebody in the band.
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJoyce
Fuck! Let me just die now.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ever uttering a word.

I'm human. Sometimes I wonder. But still I don't deserve this from any of you.

Monica thanks for letting me be a part of your site.
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterFiabug
Whoa! Such fireworks. For what it's worth, I thought this post was funny. One question though: did you really square off with your mom with a piece of firewood or was that just added to increase your scrappy million dollar baby image?
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterIgor
Regardless of who I know or what I know. As a fan, I would even ask the very same question.

Box cutters are dangerous.
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterFiabug
I see Monica’s point. I remember writing a blog and a friend had commented on my syntax. I wanted to delete it but I thought I’d keep it up and be a good sport. But if I was getting a couple comments every blog entry trashing my work I’d get pissed too, and shut down the comment section. Monica can’t hit the mute button the minute these armchair music critics open their mouths!
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMadox23
If the picture reflects what Marah shows are really like then I'm there will bells on! Wowza
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterBubbaGump
I've got your back.
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterZoe Strauss
"I will cut you" was the funniest thing I read today, even if I did think the threats of physical violence went just a wee bit too far. I can understand how you feel, though. It breaks my heart to hear criticism of someone close to me. It's like when I was a kid and I'd complain about my little sister being bratty or my mom being mean, but if one of my friends agreed with me I'd kick their ass halfway across the neighborhood. We want to protect the ones who are close to us, and no one needs to hear bad things about people they love. The Surge is a lucky man.
January 15, 2006 | Unregistered Commenteramanda b
Was it "And if you think I am above slicing your achilles tendons with a box cutter in a dark and smoky bar, think again"?

But that was my favorite part!
January 15, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonicaBielanko
I loved the post b/c it is TRUE! :) Monica you are great! I read this blog everyday! :)
Btw, Marah is playing in Dallas next weekend, that is as close to me as they will be this time out!
It is like a 5 hour drive, gonna try to make it! :)
Jen
January 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJen
That's the best part...

My Irish Grandmother, God bless her, used to bring my three sisters in on a little secret when they told her about guys they were dating.

"You tell him from me," I heard Gram say more than once. "He messes up and I'll slice the cords on the back of his knees."

Apparently, Gram must've thought Achilles had it easy... Nice to know the spirit lives on!
January 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterBrian
I understand passion, I understand loyalty. But violence about somebody's opinion just doesn't make any sense to me. Strikes me as not worth the potential issues to arise. I can use my passion and energy for better than a bar/band room brawl. Now touch my (fill in the blank) and then the scraps come out in full force.
January 16, 2006 | Unregistered Commenteranothergirl
I just now saw the daily photos and had to call my wife in for a laugh. Your dog looks like he was as shocked as Joseph Smith (mormon prophet who claims to have been visited by angels) by the visitation from angels. I found you via exmormon.org and love the site.

A fellow native Utahn
January 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterIgor
Serge is indeed a lucky man. My girlfriend is usually the FIRST to bring up the subject of how my band(s) suck after we play a gig! In fact, she gets far more enthusiastic about Dave and Serge's musical abilities than she does about mine. Although I guess that's fair enough.

And Fiabug rocks!!
January 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterCaptain Dave
What band are you in Captain?
January 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterA Fan
"And if you think I am above slicing your achilles tendons with a box cutter in a dark and smoky bar, think again." Mental image of you crawling around on the ground, box cutter firmly in hand searching for the ankles that have pissed you off...Saved! Still laffin...made day!
January 16, 2006 | Unregistered Commentersicksadworld
What happened in AP?? Who dare dis the greatest band in all the land??

Float Away rules!

CH
January 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterChuebe
Good for you. I have a friend who tends to talk shit to me about a guy I'm so close to that he's practically my husband and I tend to just let it go. But reading this...well, I totally understand. I have no idea at all why people would talk to you in a negative way about what your husband does for a living. I don't think they'd tell you he was bad at math if he did their accounting...so why talk to you about his music? Don't like it? Don't listen again. But don't talk to the wife about it. She'll cut you...!
January 16, 2006 | Unregistered Commentersandra
I agree with (the first) Robin's comments. Not trying to be mean -- just curious. Fiabug, maybe you should start your own blog? Is there a reason you haven't?

By the way Monica, at the risk of sounding stalkerish creepy, your writing is truly poetic. Very moving. Been reading awhile, but this is my first post.
January 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAnother Robin
why would someone go, or stay at a show they weren't enjoying?
January 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterPLD
Ha! Great blog and a ridiculous thread.

The problem is that everyone is a critic these days. Our "celeb" culture means that everyone thinks they're capable of critique.

I'm regularly slagged off for liking music/TV/film that lies in the mainstream of popular culture. And I say "So fucking what?!?! If something brings me joy, happiness, laughs, well does that make me some sort of dunderhead? No. It makes me a normal human being, living a little and not being up my own ass.

I spend every minute of my working day working on the business side of entertainment making things happen. If someone takes at a pop at my client then I'll chop their freaking legs off.

For someone to have a go at an artists wife at a show is just pathetic. And just downright rude.

With you Mon. You take the boxcutter, I'll take the axe.
January 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterPaul
Another Robin, I do have my own blog. I am not a good writer like Monica by all means. I try. But I relate to her in many ways. I comment if someone comments on my comment it's fine, if they don't no biggie. Monica is a beautiful person inside and out. She invited me here. Whether what I post, write or comment on is unintelligible or whatever isn't the point. Monica, has given me my spirit back in writing again. I lost it many years ago. I am not as brave as Monica in wanting to publish my stuff in a book, but I do enjoy having other's read. I am just a girl, just a girl who admires writers, artists, musicians and people. I mean no harm. I sometimes don't word things correctly, not intentionally at all. I make mistakes. I can only apoligize and try to explain what I mean.

Monica made this site for herself and also for others to write whatever they feel. Those that don't necessarily want to have their own blog, some that may have one but still feel like sharing. Monica is a wonderful person. And some day soon, she and I will meet because the people we know. Sorry, that's just how it because her husband and my daughter's dad (who is also my best friend) play in a band together. I didn't mean any harm or anything bad when I said those who are close to the band because believe me there are fans of the band who are close to the band as well and they are wonderful and have treated me and I am sure Monica will agree, wonderfully as well as many others.

Marah fans are unique. More unique than I have ever met or seen before. Marah fans are the best!


I don't always think sometimes. A lot of people do that you know? But I mean no harm what so ever. The words just don't always come out right sometimes. I'm only human. And if I am wrong I will admit that. I am by no means a genius or the smartest person alive but Monica and I have some things in common. And her No Sex Before Marriage entry, was by no means a brag about my pregnancy and my child. But Monica knows my daughter's father, and it was just a insight of someone in her early 20's going through something similar, not necessarily the same exactly, but Monica I hope you know I didn't mean any harm what so ever by that. And yeah now thinking about it, it may have been not the right time or the right thing to say, but I meant no harm behind it what so ever.

All I can say is I'm sorry. Sometimes I need to really think before. But I still stand even as a fan of the band, if a band doesn't move you anymore, then just take a break, don't go any more. It's that simple.
January 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterFiabug
P.s. Yes I do need to work on my long winded, worded and whatever comments. I am guilty of that.
January 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterFiabug
I loved this post. It made me laugh,as intended! I understand this feeling- I'm a total pacifist, we don't even kill bugs in my house, but if you come near my kid, the pearls hit the ground and the white gloves are off. First, it's just rude to come up to you and say anything other than something very general and nice. (Personally, I think coming up to you is a bit much in any scenario, anyway.) You're his wife! This is your family! Secondly, they were so wrong- my husband and I were at that show and it totally rocked, as Marah always does! Worth the babysitter. Lastly, protecting your family is your job. You have fame to deal with, which makes it more difficult, and the belief that the fans "own" the band and the music. So being protective is completely within your rights. Good post.
January 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterEDW
Here's the thing...a fan doesn't consist of someone that thinks that every song that their favorite band ever wrote/sang/performed was the best song ever written/sang/performed since the one before it. A fan is someone that may think that a song or two by their favorite band just downrights sucks, but they'd still drive four hours or spend 650 bucks on airplane tickets to go see them because they do appreciate the hard work involved. I've done it for Marah. I've done it for Tool. I love Pearl Jam. I'd swim oceans to see them. But when Daughter comes on the radio, my ears bleed and I'll find myself close to crashing the car just to find the off button. There's no rule that you have to love everything by a band to go see them, so the "if you're complaining then why are you there?" approach is probably not the best, however I would probably never go up to Eddie Vedder's wife and say "I'll choke on my vomit if I hear Jeremy played one more time" either. That's just plain manners. Couth. Some people don't have it. BUT - in the right forum, i.e. a Pearl Jam Fan Site, I may express myself. I don't think Monica has a problem with that.
January 17, 2006 | Unregistered Commentertallchickbarbara
Well said Barb.. there are certain fan-atics who seem to get off on letting me know they think something sucks.. They don't necessarily always come up to me and tell me.. often they'll say something loudly near me on purpose.. It's weird and passive agressive.. I don't know if they want to appear musically superior, or they think I'm going to pass on their opinion to The Surge.. I don't get it at all...

There may, I SAID MAY, be a few Marah songs that don't do it for me so I understand not digging some tunes.. It ain't about that.. it's about the weird reasoning behind thinking it's somehow okay or appropriate to tell me you don't like my husband's work..

Additionally - and this is fully just my personal rant - why would you want to personally tell an artist you didn't like this song or that song? The Surge gets it all the time.. If there was a band - who wrote even just a few songs I totally dig, I would never take the opportunity to say, "yeah, these songs were cool but what the fuck were you thinking when you wrote this?" I think that's just assholish.. For instance - would you tell Eddie DAUGHTER makes your ears bleed? NO.. You'd spend your time with him telling him how much your favorite song changed your life..
January 17, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonicaBielanko
...and how much I want to bed him...let's not forget how much I want to bed him.
January 17, 2006 | Unregistered Commentertallchickbarbara
ah, I love blog thread drama. Good readin'!!
Monica- is it weird that while I was in Austin over the holidays I made all my friends there promise to go see Marah at Continental next weekend, and tried to explain that I "knew" one of the wives of a band member? How much of a blog-reading freak does that make me?? But I hope there's a slightly larger crowd in Austin - all b/c of The Girl Who!
January 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterEmily
Since I was a witness at the aftermath, I'll chime in that the issue here wasn't someone not liking Marah. It was:
1) Timing
2) Proximity
3) Appropriateness
4) Hypocricy
5) TACKY. honestly, for me it was #5 more than anything

I might write a long treatise about how Pearl Jam could do so much better than ending every show with Yellow Ledbetter. If I became a confidante of the band I might eventually share that thought with a band member after a few beers. But I wouldn't stand in the front row with a big sign that says I AM REALLY DISAPPOINTED, PLEASE PLAY ANOTHER SONG BESIDES YELLOW LEDBETTER, I THINK IT SUCKS or yell it loud enough for the band to hear it *in the middle of the show*.

People would tell an artist something negative because there are too many idiots who want REACTION. "Ohmigod your album changed my life" is something that a lot of artists hear all the time. They rarely hear someone saying "That record sucked ass". I remember a certain UK Springsteen fan who told everyone that would listen that when Bruce came to the UK, it was his personal mission to explain to him that his solos have sucked since 1978 and that he needed to play a Strat instead of the Esquire. (And since Bruce is so accessible in Europe, this was not outside the realm of reality.) He considered himself on a mission from above that he was going to do this.

People think they are brave or being heroes when they have the "guts" to "confront" an artist.

It's like my cat... if I don't pay attention to him when he is being cute and adorable he will go and knock something over so then I leap out of my chair and scold him. But he's loving it, because I'm giving him all my attention.

Loyalty is an unfashionable concept these days. Strong opinions, also unwelcome. Both from a woman, even more so.
January 17, 2006 | Unregistered Commentercaryn
Oh shit...I've wanted to reply but deleted several times. And now I've gotta go after Caryn? Christ ;)

For what it's worth I cannot fathom going up to Monica or any significant other of the band and tell them anything remotely negative. I'm certainly not about to tell Serge or Dave either. I am here to support this band. I'm pretty sure that they have an abundance of insider input from well respected music insiders. And yes, its point blank tacky and very bad manners.

I think there are some people who feel at liberty to talk like that, though. They feel "close" to the band..perhaps they've been around for a while. I do think Monica exudes a warmth and openness so maybe that also lends a hand to this. Maybe not, though. And it's not right.

I think Caryn has a huge point. Loyalty. I know its been said on the board straight from Serge that all viewpoints are welcome...no bullshitting. However, no matter how bad a show could ever be would I ever be posting shit about the band whom I love and feel passionately about. If you're a fan, don't publicly bash the band and tell us that you're really a fan but you know they can put out so much better. Shut the fuck up, already. Don't announce your shit opinion for the world to see.
January 17, 2006 | Registered CommenterTabatha

Good god do I want to bed Eddie Vedder too! Of course I would never go up to his wife and say this either. Maybe hold a sign in the middle of the concert.....? That for sure would seal the deal.

February 23, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterbee

I might also hold a sign begging him to quit smoking...

February 23, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterbee

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>