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Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
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Sunday
Sep252005

Girl Crush

Have you had one of these? I'm talkin' girl on girl crush. Whoaaaa.. I don't mean girl on girl action, although I've been known to lip lock with the same sex a time or two.. I mean the kind of crush you get on fabulous females. The women you come across in the natural course of your life who amaze and inspire..

Like I said, I have three brothers. Wasn't close with my mom growing up. So women have always been a bit of a mystery. I know, I'm a woman. But I didn't really begin to explore womans full potential until recently. I've had great girlfriends. The best. But it's been the same group of girls since elementary school. So now, in this varied city, teaming with every kind of woman on the planet, from everywhere on the planet, I find myself observing, questioning, interested and drawn to these lovely ladies. It's a hard feeling to describe.

Most of the women I was acquainted with before I bolted from Brigham's Playground are Mormon. If not Mormon, they all fit into pretty much the same suburban mold. Fairly popular in high school.. Upon graduation they either, married right away and begin to procreate (like all good Mormon girls do) or they went to college, partied with stereotypical frat boys, majored in something appropriate, got a job that paid well, allowed them to buy their own place and stock it with all things Pottery Barn. And these are the most independant of my Utah crew. I'm not mocking. They are fun, fantastic, fearless females and I adore them all. But the women that roam the streets of New York City are another breed entirely.. These prowling, stalking, wild animals that know exactly what they want and aren't afraid to tell you all about it. They've been everywhere, are unafraid.. the very fact that they moved to New York tells me a lot about their character, adds to their allure.

From women like C.. a rock goddess who tours with a fairly well known musician to K...a creative, brainstorming, events organizing/actress/waitress/personal trainer/musician to S.. an entrepreneurial writer/photographer extraordinaire.. These kind of women are few and far between behind The Zion Curtain. And if they're on The Scene in Salt Lake City, I never met them.. and they aren't the real thing. They're mimicking the woman here in Manhattan. These girls, carbon copies of each other (including me!) stay in SLC, mourn the conservative environment, the iron fist of the Mormon church.. but they won't leave. Eventually they'll marry up, birth babies, and turn into their mothers.

And so I find myself fascinated with this new breed of woman.. Like a crush, I'm almost afraid to converse, I stand in their aura, listen to them speak, shyly offer up opinions then withdraw when I feel my lack of experience peeking through like antique wallpaper underneath the shiny red paint the new tenant splashed up in an attempt to update, keep up with trends.

I feel my New York self deep inside. An embryo, slowly growing, developing fingers, toes.. Now I'm flexing my fingers, as is evidenced by this blog.. and I'm stretching, maturing, exploring my full potential, and I don't care who's reading and what they think..

Reader Comments (12)

I completely understand what you are saying in this post. Congrats on slowly becoming a New Yorker! I have heard it takes some time to feel comfortable calling yourself that, so go slow!

Oh and I looked over your pictures, you Max is adorable! I have two black labs, Ellie and Molly!
September 25, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie
I'm a New Yorker but not a "real" New Yorker. I guess its better than nothing....


.... thanks for coming to my site. Come back soon!
September 25, 2005 | Unregistered Commentermontois
Yeah...I've had a girl crush or two in my life. I'm having one right now on a girl who's name rhymes with Shmonika Shmielanko. (sigh).
September 26, 2005 | Registered Commentertallchickbarbara
I guess I suffer from the "take it for granted" syndrome. I've lived across the Big Apple all my life, I've braved Spanish Harlem at two o'clock in the morn to score some weed, and walked along Lenox to take in a Cuban Comedian with my parents who seemingly felt that Spanish Harlem is just like West New York (NJ) only bigger. All the other girls were just like me. I don't know anything else. I find myself attracted to the quiet girls, the girls I can corrupt..lovingly and alluringly. All my best girlfriends were the quiet ones..that can now down some shots like a champ!! LOL. So I guess I do know how you feel, except the opposite :)
September 26, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJulia
Hey, I understand what you are talking about! My boyfriend and I talked about this last week! Men will never understand. I have girl crushes all the time. If they're confident, seemingly fearless or even if they can only dress well, I am always in awe--something always rubs off on me for the better--be it certain cool phrases, a way to put an outfit together, or a new place to discover.

This is now the 3rd thing that you've posted that resonates with me.
September 26, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterNichole
I couldn't agree with you more! I have many "girl-crushes"!! In fact...I might be crushing on you!! Lol!
September 28, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterKiki
I always wanted someone to have a crush on me!
September 28, 2005 | Registered CommenterMonicaBielanko
I love your description, "I feel my lack of experience peeking through like antique wallpaper underneath the shiny red paint the new tenant splashed up in an attempt to update, keep up with trends."

I totally know what you mean about girl crushes. Did you see that article in the NY Times about it?
September 29, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterValleyGirl

Do you ever come back and read your early posts?

July 28, 2007 | Unregistered Commentercest.la.vie

Yup!

July 28, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterThe Girl Who

So, I came across the girl who on the City Wendy blog, oh about a month and a half ago. All I saw was the one video formula cola and cabernet, nothing else just a video. Instantly I was mesmerized by the Girl Who, and I checked everyday and read all the encouraging and battling comments to that video. No new posts, just comments, and people in despair who wanted the blog back. I checked everyday for a new comment, desperate to know more about you. Then whala on Thursday I checked and there, there it was the whole The Girl Who story at my availability....I was so curious about you, just from that video, and the rant of comments..I looked up Marah on the internet, desperate about who you were and your story. Last night I started at the beginning without allowing myself to read the current first (I did cheat and see you were pregrant congratulations). Life here in Mississippi my whole 38 years leaves you yearning for outside experiences, that I have picked up from blogs. I have girl crushes too. The Girl Who, dooce.com, the funky brown chick on occasion...SLC life seems to be alot like Mississippi Gulf Coast life, and a chance to escape that creates the crushes...I literally cleaned house on Thursday and Friday night, so that this weekend I could dedicate my time, to catching up and learning Who is the The Girl Who...not only am I reading every post, but every comment to, as the collaborate the whole essence of you. So here I see the opportunity 3 years later, that you still read the comments on these old posts...My first comment, does this mean we have a relationship now?

July 12, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMississippi Belle

So, I came across the girl who on the City Wendy blog, oh about a month and a half ago. All I saw was the one video formula cola and cabernet, nothing else just a video. Instantly I was mesmerized by the Girl Who, and I checked everyday and read all the encouraging and battling comments to that video. No new posts, just comments, and people in despair who wanted the blog back. I checked everyday for a new comment, desperate to know more about you. Then whala on Thursday I checked and there, there it was the whole The Girl Who story at my availability....I was so curious about you, just from that video, and the rant of comments..I looked up Marah on the internet, desperate about who you were and your story. Last night I started at the beginning without allowing myself to read the current first (I did cheat and see you were pregrant congratulations). Life here in Mississippi my whole 38 years leaves you yearning for outside experiences, that I have picked up from blogs. I have girl crushes too. The Girl Who, dooce.com, the funky brown chick on occasion...SLC life seems to be alot like Mississippi Gulf Coast life, and a chance to escape that creates the crushes...I literally cleaned house on Thursday and Friday night, so that this weekend I could dedicate my time, to catching up and learning Who is the The Girl Who...not only am I reading every post, but every comment to, as the collaborate the whole essence of you. So here I see the opportunity 3 years later, that you still read the comments on these old posts...My first comment, does this mean we have a relationship now?

July 12, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMississippi Belle

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