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Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
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Thursday
Nov032005

Morning Max

7AM: After waiting for hours I decide to wake her lazy ass up. I don't know how much longer I can take this. Yesterday I had to wait until noon. NOON! Do you know how long that is to hold it? Like, 12 hours! She went to bed at midnight after hours of staring at that noisy box with the colors in it. You know, that thing in the living room. That's all she ever does anym-. Oh! She's moving. We've got movement! Here we go! I hop off the bed and follow her through the big room. I'm so excited my paws are dancing on the hard wood floor. Shit! She's just going in that small room. The one with the tasty cold water I like to drink. POTTY she calls it. Well, others have to POTTY too! I put my nose in her lap and wag my tail hopefully. Sometimes, when I do this and whine a little she puts those things on her feet. The ones that smell like the cheese she sometimes gives me as a TREAT. Then she tells me to get the LEASH and we go for a WALK. Those are my favorite mornings. I cannot begin to tell you how nice it is to POTTY first thing in the morning. Aaaaah! Such a relief. And I always get a TREAT when we get home. But this isn't one of those times. She's going back to bed. Fuck. I wonder where that POPPERS dude is. He hasn't been around in some time. I like him. He runs with me sometimes on the WALKS. That's fun. I stand at the edge of her bed and trumpet a sad, little whine. The whine that can sometimes gets me what she calls TUMMY RUBBINS. Nothing.
9AM: This sucks. I'm so bored. I wish she'd pull that string and raise those metal things covering the window. Then I could at least watch the people WALK by. Where is that BONE? The one she bought last week? I stick my nose in the air and sniff. It's close. Sniff, sniff. Somewhere on the floor. I leap from the bed and bury my nose in the rug. Sniff. Closer, closer. Sniff. Aha! Under the bed, there it is! Mmm.. still got some flavor if I lick really hard.
10AM: This bone is no good anymore. I've got to POTTY bad man. She's gonna need to bring one of those little bags too. The ones that she picks up the brown POTTY with. I'm just gonna have to wake her up. I SIT like a GOOD BOY at the edge of her bed, stick my nose in her face and tell her "POTTY! POTTY! POTTY! POTTY!"
She mumbles, but doesn't move.
Seriously! "POTTYPOTTYPOTTYPOTTYPOTTY!" I bark. It works! She opens her eyes.
"Blah Blah Blah MAX Blah Blah Blah POTTY" Yes! She gets it. She said MAX and POTTY. Things are looking up. I wonder if it will be an around the block POTTY or a dog park POTTY. I miss SCOOTER. I haven't seen him since Monday. We never got a chance to sniff that chocolate lab's ass. Sweet milk chocolate. Trottin' around all fancy like. I've never seen her at the park before. SCOOTER said that DUKE told him she usually visits the dog park just after the sun comes up. MOMMERS is always sleeping when the sun comes up so we never get to the park until later in the day. Oh! Oh! Oh! She's putting those things on her feet! We're going on a WALK! I can't contain my glee. "I'm so excited!" I tell her. "I've been waiting for this all morning!" I say. I wag my tail so hard my paws skitter on the floor.

Reader Comments (4)

THAT was awesome
November 3, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJAY
I used to dog sit and the freaking dogs would be up at like 5:30 AM I definately did not feel bad for them.

But that was a great read.
November 3, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterHeather B.
Awwww. Thank goodness he got your butt out of bed for him to potty!! :) I almost felt like pottying too.
November 3, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJulia
You should check out a post written (the last part, anyway) from the viewpoint of a dog. Might make you laugh, too: http://masthead.blogspot.com/2005/11/in-which-it-all-depends-on-your-point.html
November 3, 2005 | Unregistered Commentersandra

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