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Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
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Tuesday
Nov152005

Spelling D-R-U-N-K

Ever tried spelling when drunk? Ain't as easy as you might think. Am pleased to say I made it to the top three in the first annual Bar Matchless Drunk Spelling Bee. Was beat by deadly serious Asian girl. Perpetuation of stereotypes. Had hoped to win one for the dumb, blonde white girls of the world. Not sure what word clinched my loss because it was on my fifth, or was it sixth shot? Anyway, it was a bucket full of shots in a 45 minute period. Good thing I've undergone the rigorous training of my weekly Yagermeister sessions for the past ten years. Ah well. I did come away with a Pabst Blue Ribbon trucker hat parting gift. The envy of every hipster within a three mile radius.

6AM THIS MORNING

"Matt? Really sick. Head spinning, throwing up all night. Don't think I can make it in to work today.

"You sound terrible. Get some sleep you poor thing."

"Yes, yes. Sleep. Sleep good.

Aaaaand scene. The Surge claps at my spectacular performance. I didn't even lie, either.

Am packing my baby's bags for Spain. The Spanish senoritas love them some of The Surge. Whenever the rockboy comes home from touring Spain I'm subject to all manner of fan photos, sexy women draping themselves all over my husband. Is actually quite hot. Speaking of hot, managed to sex up The Surge five times in his 24 hour leave before returning to rock land and guitar wars. Niiiice. Am officially a porn star. Plaid school girl skirt, big boots, pigtails and eyeglasses all made appearances.

Coming soon: pics! Of drunk spelling bee, you v-o-y-e-u-r-s (tricky one, that) not the sex... And that's all youse gonna get outta me in this hungover state.

Reader Comments (8)

The Surge is going to Madrid. I am sooooooo jealous. Tell him while he's there to get himself some good old fashoned tortilla and churros con chocolate. Mind packing me up in with his stuff?
November 15, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterHeather B.
5 times. good lord. impressive. not as impressive as the time i masturbated 11 times in one day. well, i was 13, but still.
November 15, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterNND
He he Monica...as we cheesie girls say "You go girl". LOL
November 15, 2005 | Registered CommenterFiabug
props on drunk spelling! that's quite the feat. and so is the sex!
November 15, 2005 | Unregistered Commentersubgirl
I don't even think I can spell my name when drunk - you're one up on me. As for the sex...perhaps my dry spell has something to do with you having all of it?! ;)
November 16, 2005 | Unregistered Commentersandra
Ok, the crazy thing is that I've been rolling this idea around for PHilly ever since reading it in the Times and was just doing some location research this morning! So exciting to see someone writing about another one and can't wait to see pictures!
November 16, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterPLD
Was a blast.. Huge turnout as well so quite lucrative for the bar. My friend Kate has all these fantastic ideas for bar revelry.. They also do Trivia Taco Tuesdays and Hoochie Coo with lovely dancing girls on bars. Pics later today or first thing tomorrow :)
November 16, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMonica
Barfing after five shots? W-E-A-K!
November 17, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterDeadly Serious Asian Girl

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