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Monica Bielanko
A chronicle since 2005 of my marriage & move to Brooklyn in my twenties; becoming a mother in my thirties; moving to Pennsylvania and learning to amicably coparent after divorce in my forties while living 3 doors down from my ex-husband in a small country town.
That's What She Said
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Wednesday
Oct262005

Doritos for Dinner

Had Doritos for dinner. Oh! And a king size Reeces Peanut Butter Cups. Two cups has never really been enough for me and I found that four did the trick nicely. I tend to eat in a less than healthy manner when The Surge is on tour. He likes to cook dinner and in his absence I'm finding it hard to jump back into the groove of being single. Strange how after a year of being together I've completely morfed into a Married. I was the singlest Singleton I know before I met The Surge. And a healthy one at that.
"What's that you're eating?" My roommate Jensen would ask.
"Tuna fish."
"But right outta the can?"
"A dash of mustard and it's a fantastic meal."
Now it's more like;
"What's that you're eating there?"
"Raw cookie dough and microwave popcorn."
"Don't spoil your dinner."
"This IS dinner."
The Surge will be on the road for most of the rest of this year. While I was looking forward to lazy days watching shit T.V. and spooning cookie dough straight from the tube, I am finding I miss the structure he imposed on my life. Ironic eh? He's the one in the rock band yet I'm the one that sleeps until noon if you let me, growls at anyone suggesting I go to the gym and eats all manner of ungodly processed food for dinner.

So, I'm working on this story called The Click By. It's quite unnverving for me to go public with this. But after chatting with those aware i.e. The Surge, Mom and Natty I've decided it's the best thing to do to put a period on all the bullshit. I've been playing a game of cat & mouse with the person involved for some time now. I tried to be her friend initially and somehow it morphed into weird hi-tech hijinx. I did something I'm ashamed of and now the chess game continues. I'm not 100% sure she knows it's me so I keep going back, trying to see if she figured out. If she wasn't sure before, she's damn sure now. Really I'm tired of the whole business. The pretend anonymity of the internet, and the games people play.

Remember the good ol' days when you could simply call your fella to see if he was home, then hang up when he answered? *69 screwed us first, and then that goddamn caller ID. Of course, caller ID has saved me, a screener of epic proportions, from answering legions of unwanted calls. But still. And now the internet. The cloak of anonymity brings out the strange side of folks, me included. Which is part of the reason I started this blog - I am far from anonymous. Anything I post on the internet I post under TheGirlWho, saltysaint, or Monica Bielanko. Except for the one time - which is what The Click By is about. I'm coming clean Jane. What'dya think? You'll laugh at my lunacy, maybe? Hate me forever? Ah well. It can't be changed now, can it? Perhaps you'll be pleased that I was obviously trying to rain on your parade, which could be attributed to jealousy? I don't exactly know.

So. I'm putting up a good fight against the cold that's doing its' best to invade my system. Must dash now. Am meeting my friend Kate, she of The Shalitas fame, because I've been asked to write a bio for the girls. They're on the brink of releasing their first album. Can't hardly wait!

Reader Comments (17)

aye, its a funny old place cyberspace

I've heard it said that winning an argument on the internet is like winning at the special olympics - yeah, you won, but you're still a cripple

personally I'd describe it as a "dry wank" - too much time and effort for something that just doesnt satisfy
October 26, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMurray
I've been famous for my dinners consisting of Kraft mac & cheese and chips and dip. Funny thing is, I weigh less when I'm single. Hmmmm...
October 26, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterAlissa
The Click By like a drive-by, yes? But I'm confused about what the conflict is. You don't want it to be known that you've been reading her stuff?

My boyfriend lives in London and I live in New York and I swear sometimes I don't know which life is more read, with him or without. In my own company and apartment, I often let things slip (lots of wine and cheese and nary a vegetable) but in other ways, like with writing, I take better care of myself. Who knows?
October 26, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterSarah
When Jim travels, it gives me free reign to eat ice cream for breakfast.
October 26, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterPLD
Girl you lied online! This is a VIRTUAL world remember! :) LOL My mom has posed as other women online just to see if one of her many menses would respond! My aunt was engaged to some guy, she wanted to test him, so my mom started messaging him, sure enough he came on to my mom! CRAZY!!!! I don't do stuff like that! Too honest I guess! :)
You might find that whatever your secret is, you aren't the only one who has done it!
Jen
October 26, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJen
At least you have some sort of excuse for falling off the wagon and eating crap for dinner.
October 26, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterHeather B.
It's not an attempt to win an argument..or continue the internet chess game currently underway. Far from that as I don't think admitting I was a catty bitch is winning much of anything. I'm outing my transgression in hopes of ending The Click By (yes like drive-by). Once my deeds are publicly known, I'll not care to Click By any longer. Most of my clicking by was to check if my dirty deed had been linked to me. If I out myself, I can let it all blur into my past..chalk it up to Another Stupid Thing Monica Did Once. I didn't exactly lie on the internet either. Just allowed my bitchy side to take over albeit momentarily.
October 26, 2005 | Registered CommenterMonicaBielanko
Alright Monica, now I must know what this secret you are hiding! It's not so bad I just know it. Hope you spill it soon. Must know nowwwwwww!! :-)
October 26, 2005 | Registered CommenterFiabug
Hugs for you Monica! :) We can all be bitchy at some point or another!
October 26, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJen
Now we're all really intruiged. Get it out of your system and hurry & post it! I found myself thinking about it on the way to work this morning and was most disappointed when you hadn't written it yet. Get on with it. Not that I'm a selfish cow and want to read your secrets just to be weirdly voyeuristic - no, no, no - I am merely here for you Monica and eagerly await for you to be released from the mental torture ;)
October 26, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterAli
I didn't know that non-cross-gender games like that described occurred!!
October 26, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer
I feeling like I'm reading a suspense novel...spill already!! :)
October 27, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJulia
watch out for the muffin!
October 27, 2005 | Unregistered Commentershoelover
The previous post warrants an explanation which I will gladly provide:
Muffin: Used to describe the unattractive effect achieved when a girl wears pants that are too low cut and too tight. This creates a bulge of fat around the hip and stomach area, resembling the top of a muffin that rises above its metal container the way a bare tummy can overhang a belt.
October 27, 2005 | Registered CommenterMonicaBielanko
Much thanks for the added clarification.......my post was lacking
October 27, 2005 | Unregistered Commentershoelover
haha - I actually talked about the whole eating-junk-food-as-meals concept with a friend the other day. 'Cause sometimes you want doritos. And it's really just a waste of calories to go through the motions of pretending to eat a "real" meal. You might as well eat the doritos, be satisfied - and calorie-wise, did less damage than a real, "healthy" dinner would cause. But that's just the way I roll :)
October 29, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterBanana
My lady friends and I am making super nachos for dinner tonight... and America's Top Model. Goes hand in hand :)

MF
November 1, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMindy

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