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Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
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Thursday
Oct132005

He Said, She Said

Being married is hard. Nope. That sentence just isn't enough. Doesn't impart the gut wrenching, tight rope walk that is unholy matrimony. The moments, check that, the hours... no... the days of outrageous, self-righteous indignation, coupled with spirals of self loathing in the aftermath of a fight during which, in a split second of uncontrollable rage, you spewed every hateful, hurtful sentence you could spit through clenched jaws. And when HE responds in a similar manner, you play victim. Of course you cry. Then, when he feels bad about your tears, the self satisfaction spreads through you like a shot of liquor on an empty stomach. After all, the argument was his fault because he said... Wait! What did he say? That's right, he said.. erm... it was something extremely offensive. Of that I am certain. If I could just remember. How did this fight start? Surely it was because of some insensitive bit he tossed out carelessly. The fighting renews, only this time you're arguing about what you're arguing about.
"You're the one that said..."
"But you said..."
"It's always me isn't it?"
"You said it, not me."

He said, she said. I say being married is hard. The topic has been done to death. Marriage is a cliche, a comic's stand-up routine, sitcom fodder, Hollywood's joke. It's a dying institution that people afraid to be single cling to. It's a traditional, romantic gesture for soul mates. All I know is I had to get married the way I did or I never would have gone through with it. Quick and dirty, my friends. No time for second thoughts. Hell, no time for first thoughts. Not a quiet moment to reflect on the sentence 'for time and all eternity' or 'til death do us part'.. No chance to really get to know him or I would have pulled out.

Get to know someone and a bit of the passion dies. Fuck off romantics (likely bleary eyed singletons still searching for their 'soul mate'). It's true. Get to know someone and you also become acquainted with their faults. 'Howdy! Not so pleased to meet you Mr. Loud Chewer! Not so glad to make your acquaintance Mr. Never, Ever, Under No Circumstances, Clean the Bathtub!'.

The catch 22 is, the deeper the waters of wedded bliss become, the nearer you come to drowning yet somehow manage to dog paddle through the high tide of tough times, the deeper in love you fall. In that way, I suppose, the passion meter jumps back up from it's dormant position.

Get to know faults = passion takes a header = love him anyway = fall more in love = passion meter jumps. Strange isn't it? Besides, how can I not be passionate about the man who bares witness to a sobbing, snotting girl who can't stomach the thought of another week on the graveyard shift writing about death, death, and more death and loves her anyway?

Reader Comments (9)

Why are you writing about death death death?
October 13, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer
I write for the news.. and sometimes I produce newscasts.. For the past year it's been war, tsunami, war, terrorism, war, hurricane, war, hurricane, war, earthquake.. not to mention the mangled bodies found in all manner of strange places across the tri-state area..
October 13, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMonica
Ok so my boyfriend lives with me, first time in my life I have lived with a guy. Before he lived with me I thought oh let's get married, blah blah blah! Now we live together, and we have another roomate, actually my boyfriend moved in with us. So now I am NOT so sure about marriage and the forever thing. Being single I think suits me just fine!
You post scared me even more. I do see you put a nice twist on it, you have to, you are MARRIED!! :) And you are in love! But you just proved it is hard and takes a LOT to do it. NOt sure I am up for the challenge, even at 27 years old!
October 13, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJen
When I read things like this, my first thought is "why bother?" then I get to the end, where The Surge loves you anyway and it gives me some hope.
And may I also add, that I look forward to reading you everyday, because I know it will be good.
October 13, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterHeather B.
Awwww, bleh (pretends to vomit out of disgust of your deep and fathomless love for one another) just kidding!! :)

That's what I try to explain to Lou everytime we have a fight. I'm the one that wants to be married because hell, its like we're married anyway..might as well make it official. When you love somebody you gotta take their faults with their virtues. I'm a bitch and he's stubborn and emotionally introverted, but we have far more good times than bad. I'm glad you and the Surge have such a healthy relationship! You are soooo lucky!
October 13, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJulia
I just want you to know that after I read your post I am glad to see that I am not the only one that feels this way. I am 24 yrs old and have been married a little over 3 years and I can relate to this. Especially now, (we had a little tiff the other night but all is well now.) It's nice to know that I am not as stupid or rediculious to feel or think these things/ways. And that there are others out there that I can relate to.
Thank you!
October 13, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterErica
that is very encouraging to me.
October 13, 2005 | Unregistered Commentersubgirl
I'm twenty-five... been married two years now. My original plan was to stay single until I was 30. Then I met my husband and we got married two (yes, two!) months later.

I always thought that saying, "marriage is a full-time job" was bullsh*t. Now that we're going into our third year, I realize how absolutely true it is.
October 13, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterValleyGirl
so the choice is to get to know lots of guys a little bit, or to dig deep with one guy. having done both, i'd still rather dig deep with the right man. it isn't romantic in the same way dating is, but when it is working, it is like your favorite pair of jeans. just right. and that can be pretty romantic too.
October 15, 2005 | Unregistered Commentersusan

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