This house we're renting doesn't have a shower, it has a claw foot tub from, like, the 1890s, which sounds romantic, I know. But listen, I've shaved my legs exactly twice since the house fire because I just can't get warm in the damn thing. Do you know how much water it takes to fill a humongous claw foot tub even just a few inches? So I'm always sitting there shivering and I'll be damned if I can figure out how to shave with goosebumps the size of golf balls.
We're working on getting a shower installed in the tub but, in the meantime, I've kind of avoided the bathroom. Another bathroom-related dilemma? Much of this house, built in 1890-something, has knob and tube wiring, which, if you aren't In The Know, is basically what they used to wire houses pretty immediately after Ben Franklin flew the kite. The sole socket in the bathroom is not capable of handling the wattage of even your most basic hair dryer.
New haircut + no hair dryer = me not looking in the mirror pretty much ever because why do that to myself? I just like to roam around this new town we live in punishing everyone who has to look at me.
WHEEEE!
Let us review, shall we? Tub ain't cutting it, can't really fix my hair and pretty much no desire to give a shit. Which isn't the greatest of timing for this Babble assignment I accepted before the house fire. Basically, they want me to buy seven beauty products. Whatever I want. Lipstick, eyeshadow, false eyelashes, hair wax... whatever! And then try out the products and showcase the results with photos.
Yes, exactly what I want to do: take photos of my
Peppermint Patty football bangs hair and show them to you. But then again, maybe this is exactly the pick-me-up I need to get going again? I dunno. What I do know is that I have absolutely no idea what to buy and try. What's hip? What're all The Kids doing? I'd like to maybe try some fake eyelashes because they seem fun and my eyelashes are straighter than the apparent
stick jammed up sweater vest Rick Santorum's ass. Maybe a red lipstick? A bronzing type item to do some skin shading? I'm also interested in finding a really good concealer, because, you know, I look dead most of the time and a jazzy, little concealer might help the people at Walmart to recognize that yes, I am indeed alive and I would like someone to ring up my goods!
Yes, basically I need to look nice for that weekly trip to Walmart. God, isn't life
grand?
Can you help me? What is the must-have product in your beauty arsenal? Do you have a beauty arsenal? Is there a mascara, lip gloss or lipstick color you swear by? Some kind of hair treatment conditioner item? What products do you absolutely, positively recommend? Can be any item, any brand.